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Anger Management...

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    Anger Management...

    (copied from Hot Boat)...

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right ****ing number!"
    and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

    When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had
    accidentally transposed the last two digits.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
    call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Bell South. I'm
    calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

    He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

    I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
    asshole!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the
    horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a
    "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole ( I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

    I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
    "Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
    "Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
    "What's your name?" I asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
    "I'm home every evening after five."
    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
    "Yes?"
    "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

    "Hello."
    "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
    "Are you still there?" he asked.
    "Yeah," I said.
    "Stop calling me," he screamed.
    "Make me," I said.
    "Who are you?" he asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen."
    "Yeah? Where do you live ?"
    "Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black
    Beamer parked in front."
    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your
    prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

    Then I called Asshole #2.
    "Hello?" he said.
    "Hello, asshole," I said.
    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
    "You'll what?" I said.
    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now!"

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
    Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter, and a news crew.

    NOW I feel much better.

    Anger management really works
    "Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of liberty." ~ Thomas Jefferson

    #2
    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
    Winston Churchill

    Comment


      #3
      Completely hilarious!
      Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

      T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

      Comment


        #4
        classic!

        Comment


          #5
          Linda H.

          Comment


            #6
            Stylin' Moe--LOL. Might I add-off topic--that you are quite an attractive young man. I've been meaning to tell you that for awhile.
            Please submit your photo and story of hope:

            http://bridges2hope.unite2fightparalysis.org/


            http://unite2fightparalysis.org/

            Comment


              #7
              Thank you Susan, you're quite attractive also...
              "Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of liberty." ~ Thomas Jefferson

              Comment


                #8
                Much as it pains me to admit it that was the funniest thing to come out of this site in the past few months. I may have to deal with backlash on this so take the compliment and enjoy it.
                "Sometimes I just sets and thinks...
                and sometimes I just sets.
                "

                Otis Redding I think

                Comment


                  #9
                  On my way to kill my gay lover, roflmao!!
                  I'll agree with Juke on this one being the BEST in many moons...
                  I've already tucked it away for future use.....er,reference, lol.

                  https://www.facebook.com/john.baxter.1213986

                  Comment


                    #10
                    That was hilarious!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      LOL, I was reading this and the phone rang!!!! I laughed out loud.

                      I agree with Susan, fine fine fine!
                      “If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking.” Gen. Patton

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Moe, I really enjoyed that, thanks!
                        Han Tacoma

                        ~ Artificial Intelligence is better than none! ~

                        Comment


                          #13
                          You mean I'm not the only one who's done this.
                          Josh, C6 incomplete
                          I'm not sad, I'm complicated. Chicks dig that.

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