more fucking surgery

[ketamine kitty]

Need my IT pump replaced. Next Friday. A touch anxious. Not really superstiuos but this is 3 surgeries
in less han a year, And cumulatively, since Nam I can't even count, feel like I'm on te wrong side of the odds
righ now. Can't get Penny (hipcrip) out of my mind. We would talk and PM and it was her IT pump replacement
that had complications and took her from us,

weird for me, I really never knew fear. traing from a very yong age, but that wall has seemed to crumble
and with it I understand fear and vulnerability. foreign and uncomfortable.

No option sliding backwards and the pump needs to be filled every three weeks and that's at reduced
meds so been really in the shitter for a while.

Not sure why I'm even writing, but collectively you are friends and some like family. the long timers have helped and supported me through really dark grim times and the struggle has not ceased, I just can't even write it anymore, I'm even
tired of hearing it and I have to live it. Just keep spiraling down. The gains in spasticity are significant and finally seeing some small measure of relief from the nociceptive pain, but the Central Pain is getting worse, thogh I did not think it possible. Less and less of me to interact with the world.

Anyway enough whining, keep me in your thoughts for a while.

ket

[Smashms]

Ket things will be ok. Keep your chin up and we all miss hipcrip. She was a great person and gave lots of advice. Good luck and i hope you update after to let us know how things are.

[Jim]

I have no doubt you will be ok, hopefully this will be a magical pump!

[thru the rain]

Prayers and healing thoughts being sent to you. Please post when you are able after surgery. Take good care.

[alan]

I'm sorry you need more surgery, but I hope all goes well, and you'll be back posting very soon.

[LaMemChose]

Surgery sucks. Sorry you are up against it again. We've got your back, Bill. **hugs**

[Sue Pendleton]

Ket, make sure you talk to the gas passer before hand during the prep. Let him know all the meds you're on especially pain mews and which are oral and which are by pump. It'll help him/her get you comfortably under but also wake you up again as quickly as possible. Yell at anyone who doesn't scrub before touching you. Thoughts are with you. Hugs from here too.

[craig]

sorry Sue

[ketamine kitty]

Update

As this was the third surgery in 10 months after discussions with my doc and the anesthesiologist of the long term impact on the brain and some multiple concussive disorder issues, I did this with a local. Was threaded and did juice with anxiety meds, the OR staff was horrified, awake I was in on the discussion, my doc and Dr Juice said if issues they'd drop me immediately. Surgery went well, not for the feint of heart not recommended. Minor post op complications, no General anesthesia so keep my limited brain power :-). Curiously again near the end I started speaking in other languages, this time German Japanese and Chinese, my doc has seen me do this 3 times now and the languages vary from my prior repertoire. I always thought it was the drugs, Dr Juice thinks it is an extreme physical stress response. Made for a general ha-ha in the OR as in my mind I was clear what I was saying, couldn't figure out why no one would answer my questions. Doc would slap my chest and say English, speak English, need to tape it if there is a next time cause I miss the fun it is just confusing to me.

The bad news is the meds were improperly ordered so I'm still running the reduced dosages til Nov 14 when the new batch is made and comes out of quarantine, so still in a bad way with spasms and the nociceptive pain reduction from the midazolam experiment remains untested until then.

Thank you all for your thoughts, Don't post much, just not enough of me right now. Post-Op next week get the sutures out then new meds Nov 14th. won't likely post much til then.

kindly,

ket

[ketamine kitty]

Sue, spoke to Dr Juice. He'd have liked to use Versed (midazolam) but does present issue with the intrathecal delivery of the same being used experimentally, he'd never heard of it used that way before.

Versed would be much preferred over a simple local.

ket

[Smashms]

Glad you made it out alive i knew you would. I hope this combo works this time! Keep us updated.

[alan]

Good to see you back.

[arndog]

So Bill, are you okay? I miss Penny greatly. If you don't make it some day, please say hi to her from the other side. I am sure I will show up at some outdoor cafe and have a drink with you on the other side.

[trekker6]

Get better Ket, you give us all strength.

[Donno]

Bill, I hope you get some of your you back - purely for selfish reasons: I miss your photo posts...