losing my grip

[ketamine kitty]

up crying since 2AM. legs in acid, back worse than the first wake up after they rebuilt it, but drugs do nthing.

feel like i'm losing my grip, starting to slip too much,too long drowning in this, bottle of pills, bottle of scotch, feel like it's time but can't let go.

depression, spiraling, ... i've lost all hope and feel the race is over, don't even know who I am anymore, and in the end don't think I find the strenghth for one more battle

long time since i let this out and puked my feelings here, I tried just.

ket

[lynnifer]

I can't remember where you are but I do know the cold weather makes pain worse. I don't envy your position but am always willing to listen.

[ketamine kitty]

sorry the whine, got drunk passed out. In CT been pretty cold but also fluctuating like crazy up to 57F for a couple days then -2 and howling wind.

[Freespin 71]

cold weather makes this pain so much worse , throw in a low pressure system and it's brutal.. used to enjoy a good winter storm , or any storm.. now i just know what's coming my way.. increase in pain.. meds don't work.. not even worth trying , just lose more life taken meds.. what meds i do take are just to get a goodnight sleep without that forget it day is shot. exercise exercise exercise.. somedays it feels like i just get out of bed to exercise to get right back in bed , that's better then laying there all day and night..

[lynnifer]

You're not whining! I agree with Freespin ... barometer changes are hard, especially when so dramatic as this month has been.

[Freespin 71]

i hope i don't sound like i'm whining , i know others have it worse then i.. this extreme pain is going no where , tomorrow we are expecting a heavy rainny day , i'm already paying for it.. it's hard to be happy or smile when you feel like a volcano of fire.. i want more life i'm not done yet..wtf

[arndog]

well said. Both points well taken about the low pressure fronts and sleep exercise, back to bed routine

[Cowboys_Place]

Freespin, You are right it's hard to be happy or smile when you feel like your body's on fire! It frustrates me when family and friends don't understand why I rarely smile or laugh anymore. But when you feel like we do all the time what's there to laugh or smile about?
I believe I'm losing or have lost my sanity, why oh why do we have to live like this it's so maddening!! I would say I hope you all find some relief however I know the answer to that already, there is none.

[Freespin 71]

Thank guys.. One of the most frustrating thing about this pain is trying to talk to a doctor about central neuropathic pain.. they just don't seem to get it.. every doctor i have seen about this just tries to shove more meds down the hatch.. that is never going to work.. really if you do get a relief from meds it will be short lived and the dose will be upped till the side effects are out of control.. I learned my lesson about that.. now i believe subtracting from my diet is a better way. what i mean by that is 'ive taken things out of my diet like gluten , dairy , soy , proccessed food , anything that will cause inflammation with in my own body.. I wouldn't say i have less pain because i subtracted from my diet.. but what i have noticed is i'm better able to handle the daily never pain that i have..unless weather is a factor then all bets are off.. this is far better then taking meds... meds just lead to less life and less able to exercise and fight back... when are doctors going to figure this out and stop leading people on with meds...

[ketamine kitty]

Whining ..no, this is one of the extremely few places you can speak and have someone understand.

And yes pain will make you crazy, It has driven me mad. Not certifiable, how about mentally "permanently a little unwell"

don't know how long you're in this game but as somewhat OCD I tried and cataloged events, food, drugs, vitamins..... ad nauseum
and the only thing I can assure you, speaking for myself, cold or any barometric changes, are catastrophic.

Pax,

ket

[Freespin 71]

I agree cold and barometric changes make for increased pain .. I do best in temperatures 55 60 thru 80 85.. i can't be in direct sun lite , it feels good while in sun , but then after exposure to sun ,it turns into a extreme burning hell...

[Freespin 71]

No life today , gave it up to the evil pain demond .. Oh sure i did the things i had to do , in pain.. now this burning hell has taken over and i'm done... what a life , miserable , when i'm full of life.. full of life i can't get to .. frustrated to the max...

[Freespin 71]

ring of fire leading to burning hell ... very uncomfotable to wear clothes , was wondering what others do about wearing clothes , and if anyones had any luck .. my clothes make me feel the burning stinging hell turned into a constaint rug burn gone bad.... ?