Suicide

[ketamine kitty]

can we have a meaningful discussion here? I'm weary of the struggle and am spiraling down. I dont think it should be ignored and i'm hoping for a serious dialog. I am not insane but there is nothing left, all that i am is all gone and pain has already taken my light and soul, leaving only a totured body.

I have questions and comments and suspect a few of us do

Moderators i know how troubling this is to the community and at some level to its goals, but if not here with our family who understand, where.

Respectfully,

Ket

[elizabeth422]

Discussion about what?

[rlmtrhmiles]

Ket, I go up and down on this like a roller coaster It seems like the most miniscule thing, whether important or not, can tick me off and I explode. I have continually told my family I am a volcano simply waiting to erupt. It really does bother me. My dog, all 9 lbs of him, somehow says he is here for me. Even though I cannot stand that because I did not get him to be a crutch. I don't know what does it, but am beginning to think that whatever I am trying to do at that point in time, therapy or just life, it too big of a step forward. I myself, need to turn everything off and cool down. It may be done in a few hours or takes days.

[ketamine kitty]

seriously

Discussion about what?

is that a joke?

[ketamine kitty]

Elizabeth, if not I apologized for my snappy response but this is a complex question and I will list a number of things I would like on the table but I will not take the time if deemed a non-viable thread.

ket

[t8burst]

Bill,

I appreciate the pain you are in, but I am pretty uncomfortable about a thread that discusses specific, technical ways of committing suicide. Other than that I think all of us has to a greater or lesser extent pondered it at some point because of our injury and/or pain so am fine with a general discussion.

[ketamine kitty]

not methodology

Bill,

I appreciate the pain you are in, but I am pretty uncomfortable about a thread that discusses specific, technical ways of committing suicide. Other than that I think all of us has to a greater or lesser extent pondered it at some point because of our injury and/or pain so am fine with a general discussion.

I can assure you this is the only thing I would never discuss, nor would I solicit methodologies here, nor would I want to see that aspect covered here either.

This is not something trivial and the aftermath is at best problematic to survivors.

Some topics might include

preparing family, what would you want said to you. what would you say.

I've counseled with a shrink, a spiritual guide, and a couple docs who have had some interesting comment and I do not treat this lightly.

I have had frank discussions with immediate family and gotten various comments.

My date was jan 31 this year but have started a prialt trial and promised to see it through and will, so this is not an imminent event but absent reasonable change and deteriorating I see no alternate scenario. I also pray daily for strength and fortitude as the real "gift" is life.

Thank you for thinking this through before you decide. I will wait before I continue and will not barrage the board with horrors etc.

Kindly,

Ket

[lynnifer]

My date was jan 31 this year but have started a prialt trial and promised to see it through ...

That's the bugger of hope and what keeps me here. Something miraculous may come tomorrow or next week or next month or next year ... when I do feel at my lowest, I *need* to read the research or watch the videos to keep myself on the steady.

Sometimes (a lot lately), I get the urge to just get in the car and tire myself out driving as far as I can. Find somewhere to sleep and keep going until I hit the Pacific Ocean (never saw it) or the Atlantic (loved it). I may do that one day ... just disappear and maybe start over somewhere (surely if I ever lost my job) ... but I won't take my life until I've met my limit ... I won't know until I'm there.

I've found this an interesting read this morning: http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/14/us/flo...html?hpt=hp_t2

Keep in mind that at a conference for police management on mental health, the majority (I forget now but it was 80 or 90%) had said they had thought of suicide at one point. These are fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, wives and husbands and all with excellent employment and benefits. Three out of fifty employees are on enough medications that cost over $1,200 per month (I'm one of them because of the Fampyra). The point is - that we all suffer to some degree. I can't begin to understand the level of pain you're in ... but I'd rather be okay financially than that AND in pain. I'd rather be with someone than alone and in pain, etc.

Besides, you're a lovely artist and it would be a shame to deprive the world of that. Your experience and writing it down here - just the very admission that you're having a tough time - is helping someone - even if they don't post - they are reading. Trust me on that.

I often think that Ozy and Christine really deprived the world of lovely people who were intelligent, talented and interesting ... I can't imagine what their life was like and have to respect their decisions ... but in many ways, I wonder where they would be now. Would Ozy and Christine have tried Fampyra? Would it have worked? What if Wise's trials are onto something? What if .. what if ...

It's a beautiful day. I hope you can get some sun on your face and appreciate the day ... I hope someone comes up with a bang-whiz cure for the pain that some go through.

[stephen212]

I can assure you this is the only thing I would never discuss, nor would I solicit methodologies here, nor would I want to see that aspect covered here either.

This is not something trivial and the aftermath is at best problematic to survivors.

Some topics might include

preparing family, what would you want said to you. what would you say.

I've counseled with a shrink, a spiritual guide, and a couple docs who have had some interesting comment and I do not treat this lightly.

I have had frank discussions with immediate family and gotten various comments.

My date was jan 31 this year but have started a prialt trial and promised to see it through and will, so this is not an imminent event but absent reasonable change and deteriorating I see no alternate scenario. I also pray daily for strength and fortitude as the real "gift" is life.

Thank you for thinking this through before you decide. I will wait before I continue and will not barrage the board with horrors etc.

Kindly,

Ket

http:///forum/showthread.php?t=15657...ght=die+oregon

[Foolish Old]

The most reliable predictor of a completed suicide is the existence of a detailed plan. While I do understand that suicide is an option that most humans, especially those in this community, consider, I don't think that a forum dedicated to Care and Cure is the appropriate vehicle to sort out the details of such a plan. A suicide plan includes much more than the method by which one takes their life.

I have great empathy for those who feel that life has nothing left to offer that exceeds the cost to play out their dealt hand. As has been mentioned, there are professionals & loved ones that one may consult for input. IMHO, that's the path to take. There is also the option of communicating with interested fellow members in private conversations.

Again, I believe that Care & Cure don't play well with suicide.

[smokymtn memories]

I try not to think about it or give in to it. I don't want to miss a minute of my grandchildren growing up. All the time I can spend with my husband and kids, or just enjoying a sunny day. I have to make myself move on most days, but it's worth it in the end.

The nights are the hardest......the hours between night and day, when all is quiet and I'm rocking back and forth, wanting the daylight to come. Those are the hours I am the most alone, and in the most pain.

I think everyone has to find what works for them. We live on the edge with this sort of pain. Not far from heaven or hell. I work hard at just keeping the pieces together. It's hard when you can't even enjoy the simple things anymore, like just taking a ride in the park. Even riding in the car, hurts. I refuse to believe that there is nothing of me left. As long as I can take one breath.......there is some of me here. There are days I hurt too much to move, but on the days I can manage, I try to sew or write my postcards, or something!

Everything is at it's worst when we lose all hope. I pray you find some relief Bill.

[alan]

Just make sure you take me along, or I willl say nasty things to your spirit. For the rest of my life.

I's now 32 years of torture. Now with the blasted sweating while sitting issue added. Where is a Kevorkian machine when I need one? Or a stray Baltimore city murderer to pop me?

[LaMemChose]

Again, I believe that Care & Cure don't play well with suicide.

Word.

Too many are too close to the edge as is, especially newer injuries, and such a discussion may encourage others to spiral down where they might have moved away from the cliff instead of moving more closely to it or dropping off it.

FO is correct. These discussions are better handled face to face in private AND with qualified professionals.

[rdf]

I don't see a problem with discussing suicide, as long as advice on how to accomplish it isn't part of the discussion.

If someone feels like taking their life, it's their choice. Release and relief would be welcome for many people with SCI. Otoh, being able to talk to people who are also suffering and thinking about suicide, the commiseration might be beneficial and introduce points of view that affirm life is still worth living, points not previously known to those partaking in the discussion.

Word.

Too many are too close to the edge as is, especially newer injuries, and such a discussion may encourage others to spiral down where they might have moved away from the cliff instead of moving more closely to it or dropping off it.

FO is correct. These discussions are better handled face to face in private AND with qualified professionals.

[chris-k]

There is also the option of communicating with interested fellow members in private conversations.

Again, I believe that Care & Cure don't play well with suicide.

Like many here, when the pain, AD, and other complications of SCI seem overwhelming, I have dark thoughts about ending it all.

I rest, take my meds and hope it passes. I know suicide would have a terrible effect on my family and I still have good days I look forward to, I hope!

45 years and counting, I keep going because of momentum I think, that and I am basically a coward -- surviving suicide would be an unthinkable terror.

As for communicating with interested fellow members in private conversations, I'm in if it helps somebody. No great advise to offer, but others have helped me in the past so maybe I can pay it forward.