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PLEASE tell me what to do... Fu*k this pain

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  • PLEASE tell me what to do... Fu*k this pain

    I'm so tired,
    I was doing so well at one point...

    In December I was going through a lot of cold sweats and I decided to start takin morphine until I can figure things out. Well, I take 10MG morphine almost everyday now. It really helps... but my problems with it are
    #1) Constipation
    #2) If I skip a dose, or try only to take it durin "breakthrough" pain the days I don't take it the pain is 10x than it ever was without meds.

    My pain manifests in cold sweats, spasms, and mostly back pain and sweating.

    Is it okay to take these medications? I have been racking my mind. I'm 24 and I was in an accident when I was 11. My parents didn't allow me to take any meds. When I was 19 I began smoking marijuana as my pain began to develop, and now I am on morphine which is totally against my principles.

    but it DOES help..

    but then again should I try to live without it? if I live with it... to what end? do I take it for the rest of my life? what about the constipation do I just deal with that? what about liver damage?

    I guess I am asking... what do we do? I agree with all the posts in this forum, I read it often. Pain can change your mood, your outlook on life, WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT MAKES INDEED!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm just so sick of not being able to get out of bed,
    so sick of having to change my fucking shirt so often because of the sweating.

    I just want to be a person like other people and fucking live, why can't I even do that?

    Maybe I should start taking as much fucking morphine as I want? it'll make me feel better and get through the day. Fuck it, if I get liver damage or something I'll die sooner, I really will welcome that.

    I just don't know anymore,
    I've wasted SO MUCH TIME dealing with my body/health.

    I was Just 21 and going to university with my life ahead of me

    Now I'm 24, can barely get out of bed, no school, no job, no friends, live in isolation, in the middle of nowhere.

    ... sometimes I wonder if I did what my parents told me and just never take any meds, and live my life, would it be different? did reading this forum and taking medications make me REALIZE and LOOK for pain that I felt? or did the pain start developing as I got older and I was genuinely seeking remedies to begin living my life normally?



  • #2
    Pressure Sore/Wound?

    I am narrowing down my causes for excessive pain to:

    #1) Pressure sore on my back? I have attached a picture of a wound on my back. It comes and goes but lately it has been getting darker and has some sort of pimple on it. It kind feels like scoliosis? like my spine is bending? or is it just a sore? can you tell by the picture?

    #2) Bladder: I am now able to hold less and less, and go to the bathroom more frequently. I had Botox around 1 year ago, and I think it is time to have it again. Perhaps this will solve the pain which could be from bladder pressure.

    If it is not one of the above, I wanna kill myself, cause this is ridiculous, my life has turned into trying to maintain my body and trying to trouble-shoot my pain.

    what a life!
    Last edited by SCI-Nurse; 04-21-2013, 05:05 PM. Reason: Right-size photo


    • #3
      I dunna if you can see it well from that picture? it is me laying on my stomach and the wound is in the lower middle of my back


      • #4
        Hey Diaspora - I am so sorry you are suffering. Who wouldn't looking at that pressure sore.
        That looks like a huge eschar/dead tissue black/gray tissue in that photo - do you plan on seeing a wound specialist/ plastic reconstructive surgeon or a SCI PM&R doc for that?
        You say you want to be a person just like other people - I don't think that is in your cards that you have been dealt. Maybe your 'medical speed bumps ' are bringing you down. I would take care of business first and get that pressure sore healed up and your bladder management better - then take a look at the big picture.
        Who is giving you Morphine - a SCI doctor, pain management or general doc? I would consider seeing a pain management doc. Maybe there are other agents that could help you. Maybe you could benefit from something to treat depression.

        What level are you?
        You are now an adult and can make your own decisions about meds without consulting your parents.


        • #5
          When you use opiates for pain management you need to take them at regular times throughout the day or else you go thru 'mini-withdrawals'. Strong spasms, sweating and increased pain, depression and panic attacks are the symptoms of being slightly in withdrawal. After your body gets used to morphine, you cannot just skip a dose like you would with aspirin or ibuprofen.

          This doesn't mean that you are an 'addict'...addicts use opiates to get high. But it does mean that you've developed a physical dependence on them and need to take the same dose at the same time everyday. Opiates for a pain patient are like insulin for a diabetic person.

          You might want to talk to the doc that is rx'ing your meds about how to take the morphine so that it works best for you. And how to manage the constipation. If you decide to stop taking it, you need to taper down by about 10% per week so you don't become very ill.


          • #6
            Originally posted by diaspora View Post
            I'm so tired,
            . When I was 19 I began smoking marijuana as my pain began to develop, and now I am on morphine which is totally against my principles.
            Does this not do anything for the pain any longer? I've been in your shoe's and was given prescription pain meds several times, but I always prefer the pain management weed provides more than anything the Dr. has given me.
            TexasWheelz in reincarnate, couldn't log in or get my PW reset...


            • #7
              I agree, if my husband doesn't take his pain meds for too long, the same thing happens.
              We were also against the opiates , its not our thing. But... when faced with the choice of either that or pain, there isn't much of a choice. To address the constipation, we had the same trouble after 10 months on oxycodone.. BP would take hours and he'd get all backed up all the time, etc. Total pain in the ass. What solved that problem was -
              dropping all stool softeners and other bowel meds (useless for us)
              giving him a capfull of mirilax about 3X per week
              switching to "magic bullet" suppositories instead of the regular dulcolax ones

              BP is over and done with so fast - no backups, stool is soft..I hope you get things worked out. SCI sure is a lot of "troubleshooting" ...