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  • #31
    Last night my husband had his worst night ever-the nights are rolling into each other in the worst way. Today eased up a lot and an aide is going to sleep over tonight and watch movies with him if he needs to be up.
    He tried not to wake me Wed which breaks my heart he is suffering. I was so exhausted this morning I could not even keep straight in my mind what time it was for what meds. It brings very dark thoughts, the pain and exhaustion.
    We are going to try a different schedule for meds at night to see if helps.
    Yes, it all sucks mightily. I feel so helpless.
    He was my rock for 20 years and I will be his for the next 20.

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    • #32
      It's the last day of February and I know this thread is old but I'm praying Bill made it to his goal and will continue set goals and accomplishment them.

      Sad thing is I came across this thread because of unbearable pain and thoughts of suicide. I had even set my own goal that if I didn't have some type of pain relief by June 28 my 29 year anniversary maybe it would be time to check out. Good news is today a spinal cord specialist agreed too give me an appointment for march 28.

      I pray Bill made it to his goal and found some relief along the way. I pray I find some relief by june 28 I pray we ALL find some relief from this unrelenting, unbearable pain.
      Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. .(John Wayne)

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      • #33
        my date was 1/31/2013. THe IT pump in Oct has put me into extra innings, working hard, but not enough yet. promised the docs 9 months as they work through everything again. my last stop is Prialt, starting next month. there is nothing left.

        all that I am, all that defined me, is gone now. Sad but i shared with a friend tha I can turn over in bed, took 3 fucking years of work to do that. and the pain to do it outweighs the mental win of having made it.

        this agony is inhuman.

        I truly wonder, on the worst days, when I scream, if I won't have a heart attack? Can pain when severe enough kill?

        what normal person would even think of that question. I know it can make you puke, pass out, I have that happen so much more often than I'd like to admit.

        SCI the gift that keeps on taking.

        ket
        Last edited by bollefen; 02-28-2013, 07:19 PM. Reason: can't type worth a shit anymore
        Kindly,

        The Ketamine Kitty

        All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

        Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
        don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

        And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

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        • #34
          Just promise you'll meet a bunch of us before you do it.

          I feel worthless to make it any better for you.
          Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

          T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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          • #35
            Bollefen glad you made it Ii don't know what to do I'm in so much pain I can not take it any more.

            I NEED HELP
            Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. .(John Wayne)

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            • #36
              Bollefen, glad to see you hung in there. Don't know if crazy enough pain can kill, but it can drive you mad insane, lose family, friends, ambition, and generally make you angry at the world. Once hit with this perfect storm of shit you no longer have levity in your thought process and the street crossing for the rail looks like a playground".....

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              • #37
                i can only hope you stay with us. it is a hard place to be. bad as my pain is, i don't want to die just yet. i don't know what else to say.

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                • #38
                  Mostly it's the nights that are the hardest. When it's dark and quiet and the tears silently run. With copd the tears just make it even worse. But, I'm still not ready to give up, and I hope you are'nt either.

                  Please don't give up Bill, there are so many people that care about you.

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