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How do you know when to admit defeat??

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    #16
    bcsimpson,

    I am sorry to hear you have this constant pain from mesh. It must have been a really terrible crash to have required it. Mesh has always been something that was a very mixed blessing. It could be used, but the fact it could be used may have prevented science from growing material right now which was more compatible.

    I have never completely figured out in my mind if I think central pain makes internal pain worse. There is no doubt that it has caused bladder pain in me, but it is tied to complicated considerations of inability to register bladder filling. The sensation of bladder pain does not correlate well with how much liquid is in the bladder. Similarly, your irritation from the mesh. Is central pain making it worse than it would be for normals. I don't know how we answer this, but somehow we need to have doctors ALWAYS ask about any pain in a CP patient whether it is accurately being perceived. If it is loaded by the CP, then the doctor must deal with that.

    One of the aspects of Central Pain is hypersensitization. Once your pain system gets hypersensitized, it may not take much to be a real killer. Another feature is what neurosurgeons used to call "delay with overshoot" (for many years this was the classic sign for injury to the spinothalamic tract, the socalled delay with overshoot) Delay doesn't mean time, it means a raised threshold for feeling pain initially followed by a real drop in threshold once a certain level of insult or injury is reached. This means the loss of sensation creates a heightened threshold for pain, but once it is reached the pain response overshoots. When we lose pain sensation, we are much more prone to injury, but also to greater pain A paradox, ie. Boivie's paradox. If your mesh pain is in the area of your central pain, hopefully fixing it will lighten the load a significant amount.


    Thank you for describing your pain with mesh. I am sure the doctors had good reason to use it, but it is unfortunate that a reaction had to occur.

    As to giving up in life, don't do it. I had blinding pain for a very long time from my neck surgeries. It was superbad, the kind that convinces you no one else on earth could possibly feel this way or they would be dead. I alone could tolerate such pain because the ordinary run of people would go mad--that kind of pain. (All of us with bad central pain think we are surviving the unsurvivable--when I read Grange's thread it is almost like reading scripture to me, I find expression for my own pain in the words of others, and it is like God's answer to me--others are enduring it, so can I.) Then, one day I "invented" a flat down pillow that put my neck at a slightly different angle. This dumb little change made so much difference in my life. The change in sleeping angle could not have been more than a few degrees, 2 or 3, but it makes a huge difference in the neck pain from 3 major fusion surgeries. It makes life tolerable. This mechanical pain on top of my central pain was a real torture. None of the rest of you who are surviving the unsurvivable could have survived it. except that you already are surviving it. It is perhaps okay to feel you are uniquely suffering the ultimate, as long as you realize that others are doing it too; and shudder, some of them are worse off, which you don't even want to think about. Too heartbreaking.

    My point is that I can imagine that the mesh is a major pain and the additive effect of two types of pain can really make things so much worse.

    If you are better without the mesh, which I certainly hope you will be, some day you may discover something that helps. It may be medication, therapy, rehabilitation, exercise, change in climate or whatever. I have watched your posts with sadness because I know you are not exaggerating at all, but have understated your pain in your posts. My heart goes out to you and I can only hope you and your doctors will find a way to make things tolerable.

    Thanks again for posting.
    Last edited by dejerine; 17 Feb 2012, 12:12 AM.

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      #17
      Originally posted by Buck_Nastier View Post
      Just because it's illegal doesn't mean it's not a good option.

      It's illegal because the people who make laws are assholes
      who've never experienced chronic pain.
      while all true, there are significant dangers in illegal drugs: the first is you never know exactly what you're getting. this is primarily why i advocate legalization. at least then, ppl aren't at the mercy of the dealer cutting it with unknown quantities of substances, including poisons, just to make more money.
      Last edited by cass; 16 Feb 2012, 5:19 AM.

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        #18
        Some background...Becky had the mesh placed during a hernia repair surgery last fall. Delaying the surgery to remove the mesh was Becky's decision. She elected to hold off on having that surgery until after she completes this semester and finishes her degree.
        It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

        ~Julius Caesar

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          #19
          Ask for my opinion and I will tell you straight up. I don't sugarcoat.

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            #20
            Originally posted by thehipcrip View Post
            Some background...Becky had the mesh placed during a hernia repair surgery last fall. Delaying the surgery to remove the mesh was Becky's decision. She elected to hold off on having that surgery until after she completes this semester and finishes her degree.
            I remember that after I now read your post...

            In fact...I encouraged her to do that duh

            Hang in there Becky....you can get through it
            T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

            My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

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              #21
              Cass,

              Thank you for adding that perspective.

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                #22
                Originally posted by thehipcrip View Post
                She elected to hold off on having that surgery until after she completes this semester and finishes her degree.
                Well I'l get off my high horse then. Thanks for clarifying. Some people finish degrees - in hear case I'd say she's earned it. Gotta be tough as nails to stick out pain and keep focused on the prize.

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                  #23
                  bcsimpson,

                  I think maybe my last post came out wrong. It may have seemed like a blanket negative about mesh. I did not intend that meaning, but rather to sympathize and lament that you required surgery for which mesh was used. I also misunderstood your comment that you could feel the mesh with each breath, interpreting that as a surgeon using mesh around your lung or pleural space, and trying to imagine a situation where that might happen.

                  After the post by hipcrip, I realize I misunderstood the nature of your surgical repair and what you meant by "feeling the mesh with each breath", as if it had eroded into the pleural area. My apologies for commenting on something which was a misunderstanding. In any event, I admire your drive and courage to get through your education despite the pain.

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                    #24
                    Becky, since I fight pain 24/7, I don't really have anything to add that can help.....but want you to know I admire your sticking to your studies and know how hard that has been.

                    As for trying something not approved.....I totally agree with Cass on that. You just would'nt know what you are using. Not safe at all. I think HC is right....you still have'nt found the right pain clinic or doctor. It's sad that there are so many out there just to make money and don't care about your pain. I have a friend right now trying to find the right place to go to really receive help. It's not easy....it took me a long time to find the right pain clinic. They are out there....so don't give up. They are'nt able to get rid of my pain, but have made things more tolerable. It all depends on you and what needs to be treated. A good one will do their best to help you.

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                      #25
                      Cannabis is just a dried up plant, it's not 'cut' with anything, as long as you don't get any of the processed versions like the resin or skunk or whatever you know exactly what you're getting. It should be treated with respect as with all drugs, but I don't think it's possible to die from it. Just bugs me when people say stuff is dangerous when they don't know the first thing about it. Oooo, it's illigal, must be dangerous! Opiates are far more dangerous, and a lot of people don't think twice about them.

                      Don't get me wrong, I would never advocate it for recreational use, but in these circumstances it can't hurt to try. I've only tried it once and it gave me a few hours of relief, so I know if things get bad in the future I can have a break from the pain. At the moment I can manage without.
                      T11 Asia A after near-fatal bike crash.. Just happy to still be here

                      No, I didn't loose my mind... It got scared and ran away!!

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                        #26
                        Originally posted by SuprSi View Post
                        Cannabis is just a dried up plant, it's not 'cut' with anything, as long as you don't get any of the processed versions like the resin or skunk or whatever you know exactly what you're getting. It should be treated with respect as with all drugs, but I don't think it's possible to die from it. Just bugs me when people say stuff is dangerous when they don't know the first thing about it. Oooo, it's illigal, must be dangerous!
                        since i'm the one who said dangerous, let me clarify: maryjane was not on my mind in my post. besides, med pot is legal in my state and others. it's also easily grown.

                        another thought has popped (pun intended) into my sleepless brain: you do know opiates come from a plant, too, right? and, oh yeah, if you know the right ppl that pot can really have added kick. but, anyway, i really was addressing the stuff killing ppl on the streets.
                        Last edited by cass; 21 Feb 2012, 2:46 AM.

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                          #27
                          Weed only gives me minor relief to the nerve pain in my feet but the one thing it does help me do is fall asleep at night.

                          To often over the years between foot pain and just in general being uncomfortable in bed, it would take me forever to fall asleep. Now though i smoke a few hits of good weed about an hour or so before i intend to go to bed and after the buzz has mostly worn off, i'll be nice and tired. This tends to make it easier to fall asleep much quicker than without the weed just laying in bed stressing over my foot pain and how uncomfortable i am.

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                            #28
                            Id say try the smoke and see.
                            if it were not for a pain med contract I would. it is about the only way I can eat these days. Im terrified of getting caught, but what do you do if you can't eat? insurance does not pay for most of what is prescribed to treat my nausea.

                            Dr can figure out what is wrong, and it is obvious it isn't going away on its own, so I and the dr are treating the symptoms. terrified of a dirty drug test though.

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                              #29
                              Originally posted by KyleP2112 View Post
                              Becky,
                              Just do what works for you...the laws making some options illegal are pretty much irrelevant. If you're in serious pain do what you need to to get relief.
                              I have pretty severe chronic neurogenic pain that the typical over-the-counter meds barely touches. I've tried the "illegal" option a while back but it made my neurogenic pain worse for whatever reason...then again, if it worked and reduced this maddening pain I'd smoke all the time!
                              Kyle
                              You might want to try a different strain... They are creating some very diverse strains these days and maybe what will work for you is a 20%Sativa 80% indica cross, or perhaps some purple kush. I really don't know what's good for you. I don't even smoke it any more, I quit when I was but I know it helps a lot of people especially like cancer patients and they are supposed to have like the worst pain of anyone, aren't they? Can't hurt to try if your not in a position that you might get tested and then get in trouble for it. I also would not just try it once and then give up. Each different strain has a slightly different effect and the effects that marijuana will have on you varies a lot. One might make you laugh and give you the munchies, while another one may make you feel numb and you won't want to move. While still another strain may make you feel all smart and philosophical. And some strains even give you energy and you just want to go out and do something. However as they wear off most of them will probably make you drowsy and then you can sleep.

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                                #30
                                Originally posted by cass View Post
                                since i'm the one who said dangerous, let me clarify: maryjane was not on my mind in my post. besides, med pot is legal in my state and others. it's also easily grown.

                                another thought has popped (pun intended) into my sleepless brain: you do know opiates come from a plant, too, right? and, oh yeah, if you know the right ppl that pot can really have added kick. but, anyway, i really was addressing the stuff killing ppl on the streets.
                                It's easy if you know what you are doing and you have the correct set up. If you just grow it in your back yard like any other common garden plant the end result can be pretty good if you take good care of it and start with a good clone or the seed from potent strain, but it depends on where you live, unless you live in the right climate for it to flourish it won't be that great. Outdoor pot can be pretty good. But you can't get as good a plant as compared to the stuff the professionals are growing these days.

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