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hi all, it only gets worse

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    hi all, it only gets worse

    worked my ass off this spring to solve a sacral complication and it helped my walking, net tho, i'm just deteriorating and feeling like i'm reaching the end of my ability to cope. funny despite getting worse. I've found more peace.

    struggling with suicide again. just don't know how to continue, hack a day awaay at a time but nothing left for life

    all that i am is all gone
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

    #2
    I've been wondering about you Bill.

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      #3
      sometimes i feel the same way (well, not suicide). but then i think of my son, or hold the new baby of somebody i'm close to or give somebody something they want/need and i find a way through it. am scared of the worsening pain. i have to keep giving things up for it.

      wish i could help.

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        #4
        Hang in there man. Holidays are especially rough. Just, you know, focus on the good things in life, try to block out the bad. One day at a time

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          #5
          Keep your head up.
          coolbreeze c6/7

          Keep on moving don't stop!

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            #6
            Sorry Bill. Hang in there.
            T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

            My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

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              #7
              im so sorry you are thinking of that. one time you said you were luckier than most. I know you dont feel lucky, or happy, right now, but just like those feelings come and go, so will this. please wait it out. I have ces too. I may not know how it is for you, but I know how it is for me. sometimes pain can just wear you away after a while. wait it out though sir, and thank you so much for reaching out to your friends. please keep doing that.

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                #8
                I used to be good at this ... but as I'm aging I'm running out of things to say to help people feel better.

                All I can say is that CareCure would miss its Ketamine Kitty.

                Holidays are rough (I used to think people who said that were silly ... but nope ... I'm there now!)

                I was one of the fortunate who escaped pain (for the most part - been starting to get that 'legs encased in ice cold cement feeling lately) but it's NOT something I have to deal with on a daily basis. I don't know how I would cope if I were constantly in pain. All I can say is I'm sorry?

                If Rbrauer were reading this, he would say, "It's going to be alright, it's always going to be alright." (years-long private joke, lol)
                Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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                  #9
                  Hey Bill,

                  Here's a 12 minute long meditation mp3 that might help a bit. They never helped me much butcha never know 'til you listen to it.

                  But I do enjoy a good Australian accent.

                  Take care,

                  Bob.
                  "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

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                    #10
                    Hi Bill,
                    I am glad to see that you posted, although very sorry that life continues to be as hard as it is for you. Hang in there. I know it is not always easy to imagine a better future, but we never know what waits for us. For me it is often the simple things that bring me inexpressible joy, such as every years new crop of baby ducklings and goslings, or a particularly vivid sunset, or even the next great meal out somewhere. Keep writing!

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by bollefen View Post
                      worked my ass off this spring to solve a sacral complication and it helped my walking, net tho, i'm just deteriorating and feeling like i'm reaching the end of my ability to cope. funny despite getting worse. I've found more peace.

                      struggling with suicide again. just don't know how to continue, hack a day awaay at a time but nothing left for life

                      all that i am is all gone
                      interesting words. the part about more peace while getting worse i can relate to. i think it is because a lot of stuff that use to bother me does no longer. the expression 'don't sweat the small stuff' has kinda expanded into 'don't sweat much at all' the thing about 'all that i am is gone' i gotta take exception to, it's more like 'all that i am is in my face 24/7' i would guess you have greater injuries than i do but i was talking to a fellow on the phone the other day and he told me i'm still the same guy i just do not have a right arm now, so i would hazard to guess you also are still the same guy, you just have what ever injuries you have. but then again, i do understand.

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                        #12
                        Just take one day at a time. Sooo sorry you have to hurt so much.

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                          #13
                          fact is, pain sucks. i think pain sucks more than anything. bill, i hope you hang in there. i'm sick on top of my daily pain, so you know what that does to the pain. tg i got my flu, pneu and pertussis shots, but i still can't breathe (stuffed up) or sleep, and, of course this all elevates pain. there's really nothin else to say. PAIN SUCKS.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Sending thoughts and prayers, Bill...

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by yvettetot View Post
                              Just take one day at a time. Sooo sorry you have to hurt so much.
                              One day at a time can seem one day too many when one is feeling hopeless. I hope you have someone to talk/vent to, Bill - letting off some steam (in a longer interaction than posting on a message board, as good as this place is) might help. Heck, just screaming into a pillow is good, I'm told (if you can scream - I don't have the lung strength, apparently.)
                              Alan

                              Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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