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24/7 pain

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  • 24/7 pain

    I had a surgey on 09/15/2008 and have been in pain ever since , the morphine I take every day does not stop it. I had a synovial cyst on my spinal cord and the Dr was so excited becuase it had been 35 years since he has seen one where mine was, very very unusal I'm guessing. He advised to fuse my upper neck at C6-T1 because the cyst was @ C7-T1 but on the left side and he said he could not safely remove it , too dangerous he said, to close to the nerves and spinal cord and it would take 2 surgeries. One to strenghten my neck , after that healed he would go back in and get the cyst. He did not do what he said, and with out my permission he did both in one shot, fused my neck and removed the cyst. I also came out of surgery with a hump in my back I did not have when I went in. he said it didnt matter it might go away it might not. His attitude towards me was rude, perhaps becaused I questioned him. I have been on all kinds of pain meds ever since and currently morphine for about 7 months. I feel like I have been hit by a truck every day, I scream out in my sleep (what little sleep I do get) because I cannot turn my body over. Most of the pain radiates from the hump I now have but goes through out my body. I have tried everything and any alternative there is looking for relief. I can not get second opinions other Dr's do not want to touch me after another Doctor might have screwed up. I am so desperate I have even thought of ending it all. I cant take the pain any more or what the drugs are doing to my body and I also have a liver desease so the pain meds are not good for that .... . He killed my nerves ? I dont know , I try to excerise, take vitamins, massage therapy, accupuncture, herbal stuff, even as i sit here and type this I can barely fight the tears of pain. I dont even know why I am writing this and what can come of it Its mine first time.. I feel so alone I dont know what to do anymore. yeah, I know other people are alot worse I did not lose a limb or am not in a wheelchair but I am running out of hope and I know it woul devastate my Mom and daughter if I finally ended it, but I am hoping they would understand, maybe I'm too chcken as well.
    Well thanks to whoever you might be for listening to me complain or feel sorry for myself.


    Ps .. I could not find the spelll check on this thing, my apoligies

  • #2
    Casey, I'm so sorry you are in such pain. I too live with 24/7 nerve pain and I understand how isolating it can be, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I continue to search for an answer for my pain but the search is exhausting in itself. All I know is that I do not want to die but I do not want to live like this. If it weren't for my kids, even though they are grown, I would have ended it long ago. I cannot fathom how the medical community can just abandon us, leave us with this unbearable existence, to be forced to make the decision to live or end it every day. I dont know if it helps or not, but I understand, truly. I am on an antidepressant, go to weekly counseling and try my best to find something beautiful in the moment to moment but I still have those times when I feel I just cant go on. For today, I go on. I continue to search, I continue to fight. Sigh....I continue to hurt.


    • #3
      Casey, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't know where you're located, but I suggest you try to seek help at a major teaching hospital, perhaps at a pain clinic that has experience dealing with neuropathic pain. I will tell you that neuropathic pain generally doesn't respond well to typical pain meds, but there are other things that will hopefully at least take the edge off for you.

      I'm glad you found this forum. There are plenty of people who can relate to your situation and plenty of good material in previous threads if you spend some time reading.


      • #4
        Casey I am so sorry to read of the pain you are in. If only I could tell you how much I understand.
        You can and should go to another Dr. David Berg is correct to say a Teaching Hospital. I think it will make a big difference.
        I believe I was dying from the injury, and pain. I went to a teaching hospital for surgery. They took me and helped me heal after the first hospital doped me up, forced me into a cab and dumped me to die. UCSF took my case. It made all the difference between life and death.


        • #5
          Sorry for the mess you're in. At least here people really do understand. I'm 5 years looking for some relief and others here longer. Some find relief but even for them it is / was a tedious task to sort out the best solution.

          I'd definitely look elsewhere for help.

          a number of us, me included, ride that fine line. Make sure you have goto peeps who'll help when you need it.

          Much love and peace beaming over to you.



          The Ketamine Kitty

          All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

          Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
          don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

          And I ain't nothin but a dream JM