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Need advice regarding moving on.

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  • #16
    im T5-6 almost 5 years post. give him a little time and he will come around. everyone responses differently. i can do things i never thought i would be able to do. the first year was hard, but you learn to do or do without. i learned to do alot after my wife went to work and left me at home all day alone. she wasnt to happy about at first, but now she has given up on telling me not to do something.

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    • #17
      9 months is not a long time to adjust to having a sci. You say you cant see any improvement....none?? I am also T4/5 from a horse riding accident. At 9 months, I had only just finished my rehab, and was still terrified of doing things own my own. (such as transferring) I think its very important to remember that at 9 months he is probably still getting his strength back, and often fatigue can play a big part in not wanting to do things.

      I dont agree with the tough love strategy at this stage...its a bit early for him to be getting a royal kick up the behind. What sort of things isnt he wanting to do for himself?

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Annabanana View Post
        I dont agree with the tough love strategy at this stage...its a bit early for him to be getting a royal kick up the behind. What sort of things isnt he wanting to do for himself?
        I agree with Anna. Give him a couple of "do it yourselfs" before you go for tough love. The more he does the more confident he will become. It takes time.
        ____________________

        "We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
        - Barack Obama

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        • #19
          I bet he'll feel a lot better when he decides to try to do things for himself.
          I'm almost 4 years post.
          I live alone with a T7 complete injury. While it totally sucks being injured like this,
          I can do plenty.
          I mow the lawn, pull weeds, rake, shovel, buy groceries, do laundry, clean, paint, do woodworking, cook. No kidding! For some of this, I strap myself into a power chair (with a harness they gave me for the seat of my car) to get the leverage I need.
          Its been awesome to get out and do stuff.
          Hang in there, Kelly.
          Rich

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          • #20
            Hi Kelly. Is your husband depressed? A little pharmaceutical pick-me-up can be a good thing.

            I agree with the others who have said to give him some tasks to do. Once he realizes he can still do things, and how much you need him to do things, my guess is he will get to the point where he's doing his care himself and helping you with things also.

            I think he and your whole family will see how much better life is when he is doing things for himself (and y'all).

            I'm paralyzed from my neck down, but I take pride in what I can still do, and do what I can to make my caregiving as easy as possible on my family. I drive my chair everywhere independently; I load and unload myself in and out of my van. These might seem like small things, but my wheelchair plus the vent, batteries, and me altogether weigh over 500 pounds, and because I can load/unload myself, my 85 year old grandfather can take me places.

            When I'm in my chair (typically about 15 hours per day) I do my own weightshifts regularly, and I can drink as desired/needed from a Camelbak drinking system on my chair (hooked to my sip-and-puff) so aside from needing to be fed, I'm pretty low maintenance for my family when I'm up. I spend most of my time on my computer, where one of my chores is to make a weekly caregiver schedule. I can do a lot with my computer.

            I don't want this to sound like I'm envious of those who have use of their arms, but I would absolutely be independent if I could use my arms. I'm trying to become as independent as possible despite my quadriplegia (I'm going to begin a master's degree program soon, which should put me on a path toward financial independence, eventually).

            One way or another, you have to communicate with your husband that you need him to start doing things. I'm sure he loves you and he's lucky to have you. He needs to start making your marriage a partnership again. Just my opinion.

            Good luck and God bless!

            Bill
            Wheelchair users -- even high-level quads... WANNA BOWL?

            I'm a C1-2 with a legit 255 high bowling game.

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            • #21
              I agree with Bill - and for me, prozac is helpful to me for mood /depression disorders & has a long history - not a lot of side affects for me, but I'm new at this sci thing. His doctor would be more helpful in that department, but it's one you & your husband should check out. Good luck, and God bless
              Last edited by Coleen; 07-31-2009, 02:27 PM. Reason: the usual, spelling

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              • #22
                Hang in there!!

                Hello"

                I have worked with SCI for over 10 years and with new injured SCI's, this is always hard for them as well as family and friends. I know some people will see a psychologists for help in how to encourage a new SCI.

                I have also seen many of my friends who said this injury has changed thier lives. They have accomplished more after thier injury that they may have never done prior ti thier injury.

                Robert Sculler once said that "Tough times never last, but tough people do"!!

                Hang in there and things will get better!!

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                • #23
                  It sounds a lot like my wife's situation.
                  Spinal stroke 2-08. T6 para.

                  She's just beginning to recover emotionally from her loss.
                  It takes some people a long time--at some point he will improve.

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                  • #24
                    I'm a T6 and I say it is too soon also. It took me a good year before I didn't cry everyday. Give him all the time he needs. My huusband gave me time and space and that turned out to be very wise!

                    Andy

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