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    #31
    healing, welcome to cc...there should be NO PRESSURE sores...he should be turned every 2 hours...if the nurses are'nt turning him then family must...a sore can really delay his rehab...is he on an airloss mattress? hopefully he is...
    I hope your son is doing well, how old is he? I can't imagine doing for my ex, what you are doing...take care! judy

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      #32
      The family says the hospital is turning him every 2 hours. Not sure if he is on the airloss mattress. He was when at the prior hospital, in ICU.
      My son is 9. He doesn't know, yet. My son will be very worried for him. I want to wait until his dad can talk to him on the phone and reassure him that he is ok.
      As for him being an ex....even though he may not have been there for me, I want the best for him and wish I could be there for him. I want to see him achieve the most return possible. He's dying inside, thinking he about the father he hasn't been so far and thinks he will never get the chance to be. I believe he still has that chance.
      We live across the country and all I can do is try to gather helpful information for him.

      Thanks for the thoughts.....

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        #33
        At 9, your son is old enough to be told that his dad had a spinal cord injury and was seriously injured. It may be some time before his dad can talk on the phone, and kids that age tend to catastrophize (think that things are even worse than they are) if not given an appropriate explaination for a parent's illness and hospitalization. He could then call and talk to his dad now, even without his dad being able to talk back. They both would benefit from it. You might even try to arrange a visit with his dad sooner rather than latter. In my experience, keeping kids away to protect them in a case like this is often not to the child's benefit in the long run.

        (KLD)
        The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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          #34
          and how many kids do you have kdl...no reason what so ever to tell this child now...it might be a different story if they lived in the same town and suddenly daddy wasn't picking him up for visits...yeah, I think he'd have to be told then, but waiting until he can talk to his dad and have dad talk to him, even if that is a few weeks will do no harm to a 9 year old

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            #35
            Mad, I have worked with parents with new SCI daily for the last 30 years, and worked with their children (infants through teens) in helping them learn about and adjust to their parents' injuries. I am not providing advice here as a parent, but as a SCI nurse who provides care in a family oriented approach. Do what you want with your children, but nurses, doctors and mental health professionals will endorse what I have advised above.

            (KLD)
            The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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              #36
              I'm with KLD in this. The child should know. Imagine how disillusioned he'll feel knowing that his dad "needed him" and he didn't know. The discovery will be difficult whenever it happens but the added sense of "not being there" will last a life time.
              My blog: Living Life at Butt Level

              Ignite Phoenix #9 - Wheelchairs and Wisdom: Living Life at Butt Level

              "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

              Dawna Markova Author of Open Mind.

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                #37
                the family really needs to get him out of Spaulding ASAP-He should not be getting bed sores-- if they have questions they can send any of us a message.

                My children were 7 and 12 when I was injured and though it was very difficult for all of us --it was very important that they new what was going on with me. Also- I pushed myself tremedously just to prove to the children that everything would be OK-not great but OK.---At the time I was divorced - my ex is now my angel- he stepped up to the plate and was there for all of us and still is.

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                  #38
                  [quote=madmaddmother;1053414]and how many kids do you have kdl...
                  That was mean and uncalled for.

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                    #39
                    I can totally understand the need for this child to be told...and I thought when I posted saying that because this child lives many states away and does not have a regular visitation with his dad, giving healing support that she KNOWS her child and what SHE feels is best for him...as far as the pictures of Will Reeve with his dad...different set of circumstances...they were a loving together family...a divorce doesn't stop any love...just makes things difficult sometimes...I will say it again, I just wanted to support Healing in making whatever decision she decides, knowing she knows her son...I didn't mean for the question asking kdl how many kids she has as being mean...perhaps I should have used a question mark... the question was asked because Moms know their children...I have 7...and everyone of them with VERY different personality's and handle life challenges accordingly...judy

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                      #40
                      I have two boys 4 & 6 and thier dad is a C 5/6 since December. I told them from day one. I told them about how the body works... and that the doctors cannot fix it. I told them that a wheelchair is not a cage. I also make it very clear everyday to them that Dad did not choose to be this way - but he is still thier Dad. The totally understand. They still have a hard time here and there - but the medical side of things really facinates them. Plus "as boys are" they think all the equipment we use for Dad is pretty cool (c;

                      I'm not telling you what to do - but I just thought I would let you know how I dealt with it. It's really worked out this way.

                      Oh - and I also tell them that Dad is still alive. It's OK to be happy that Dad is alive & sad that he is in a chair. It's OK to be happy & sad at the same time.

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                        #41
                        I think the nine-year-old should be told. My youngest son was in kindergarten when his older brother was hurt. He dealt with it very well and was able to talk to his brother, make dozens of get well cards and feel like he was helping. I think the cards did a lot of good for both boys. Plus, my two younger boys were about the only people in the world who treated their brother as just that, their brother. There was no walking on egg shells for them, no pulling punches while playing video games, if his hair looked like crap they told him and all laughed about it. Family can be good for the soul.
                        Ugh, I've been kissed by a dog!
                        Get some hot water, get some iodine ...
                        -- Lucy VanPelt

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                          #42
                          First, let me begin by assuring you all, I appreciate your input. Our situation is different than one where the child actually lives with/sees his father. We are 3000 miles away and phone calls came every couple of weeks. I have spoken with his dad, as he can talk between vent breaths. He doesn't want his son to see him this way and wants time ot get stronger. We can only visit once within the next few months and it should be at a time when he's not feeling "sick" ALL the time. He's fighting and infection, is trying to wean from the vent(doing pretty well), and sleeping a lot.
                          I plan to teach him about SCI, how it changes, but does not end life. I'm determined to be positive and reassuring to his dad through all this. I believe in hope, for return and/or just adapting, either way. To visit now, would scare my son and give him a bleak view on his dad's condition. No matter what I "explain" he will have that picture of his dad in his mind.
                          To tell him now, would just cause him feel the pain and worry we (his family) are all going through. With out being able to have his dad reassure him he is ok (relatively), he will just hurt for him. He will not experience guilt or anger for not knowing right away.......he's 9....has little concept of time.....and won't ever be aware of exactly when the accident occurred.
                          Does that help everyone understand my decision better?
                          Last edited by healing; 12 Jun 2009, 10:17 PM.

                          Comment


                            #43
                            [REFLIST][/REFLIST]
                            Originally posted by healing View Post
                            First, let me begin by assuring you all, I appreciate your input. Our situation is different than one where the child actually lives with/sees his father. We are 3000 miles away and phone calls came every couple of weeks. I have spoken with his dad, as he can talk between vent breaths. He doesn't want his son to see him this way and wants time ot get stronger. We can only visit once within the next few months and it should be at a time when he's not feeling "sick" ALL the time. He's fighting and infection, is trying to wean from the vent(doing pretty well), and sleeping a lot.
                            I plan to teach him about SCI, how it changes, but does not end life. I'm determined to be positive and reassuring to his dad through all this. I believe in hope, for return and/or just adapting, either way. To visit now, would scare my son and give him a bleak view on his dad's condition. No matter what I "explain" he will have that picture of his dad in his mind.
                            To tell him now, would just cause him feel the pain and worry we (his family) are all going through. With out being able to have his dad reassure him he is ok (relatively), he will just hurt for him. He will not experience guilt or anger for not knowing right away.......he's 9....has little concept of time.....and won't ever be aware of exactly when the accident occurred.
                            Does that help everyone understand my decision better?
                            Your Son? Isn't he his fathers son too? 3,000 miles is a blink today. Go ahead and teach SCI. PM me when you figure it out. Do you know or relate to any SCI people? Yes people. Not contagious. Conveinet outlook.
                            Get honest here. Do or don"t you wan't your son near his Dad because Daddy is sick and facing probably the greatest tragedy in his life?
                            I am sorry for being so harsh. Really harsh.
                            When Mikey, (my son) had his accident 5 years ago I had the wonderful nurses, Boston Medical Center, keep a chair, emesis tray and ice for the back of necks for those loving individuals who had the courage to visit.

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Your Son? Isn't he his fathers son too? 3,000 miles is a blink today. Go ahead and teach SCI. PM me when you figure it out. Do you know or relate to any SCI people? Yes people. Not contagious. Conveinet outlook.
                              Get honest here. Do or don"t you wan't your son near his Dad because Daddy is sick and facing probably the greatest tragedy in his life?
                              I am sorry for being so harsh. Really harsh.
                              When Mikey, (my son) had his accident 5 years ago I had the wonderful nurses, Boston Medical Center, keep a chair, emesis tray and ice for the back of necks for those loving individuals who had the courage to visit.

                              Harsh...pretty angry if you ask me...3000 miles is a bit more than a blink if you don't have money for an airline ticket...or a hotel and meals...and then transportation...oh, forgot...need to ask the boss for time off work...and then worry about paying bills cause you won't have a paycheck when you get back...all because "daddy" is in the hospital...It is not about COURAGE to visit...listen to what healing has said...the child has no concept of time...hasn't even missed his dads phone call and she is his mother...and knows what is best for this child...the dad even said he wanted to wait for a visit...geez,

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                                #45

                                yes I'm angry this shouldn't have happened
                                How do YOU know her financial
                                FMLA
                                Travlers assistance program your right USA citizen
                                I stayed for free in my sons room
                                Did she say son has not missed "Daddy's phone calls
                                I remember being 9 years old & denied opinion about having to leave my Grandmother's wake. My Aunt Ginny Thought I looked sad. She died on my 9th Birthday' 10/24/1965. I didn't wan't to leave that night...it was 7:30 p.m.
                                a eloquent member quoted...I don't remember what you did or said but I remember how it made me feel.
                                You are right though. In the end "healing" is Mom. She will make the decission she must. I applaud her for posting for others opinions. That initself is courage!

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