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"You're really quite attractive"

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    "You're really quite attractive"

    So what to make of this? Two guys have chosen independently to say this to me within the last month or so...with a tone of wonderment/bafflement, as if to say, "unlike my first impression of you" or "despite what a poor job you do of showing it" or "contrary to what I would expect of a woman in a wheelchair..."
    Last edited by Random; 27 Sep 2011, 11:59 PM.

    #2
    That one word [quite] means a lot when spoken. Something is implied.

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      #3
      I wish someone would say that to me!
      Seriously, I can see why it would make you wonder-especially the last one. It is sort of a backward compliment.

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        #4
        maybe you can just take it as a compliment and not imply any other meaning to it? then weed them out. as my friends who do online dating call it DATE AND DELETE.
        Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

        I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.

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          #5
          I think the suspect word here is "really". Like, you really have a pretty face if you'd just lose the weight...

          Randy, if you'd just lose the quadriplegia, you'd really be quite attractive!

          Assholes abound. Lassies, bound away from the assholes!

          (Or ignore me. I am a bitter, cynical hag. I might be quite attractive if I smiled more, and you know, fawned over any yahoo w/ a penis. Also if I'd never lived a full 51 years w/ all the tragedy and drama that entails.)
          Blog:
          Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

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            #6
            Originally posted by betheny View Post
            I think the suspect word here is "really". Like, you really have a pretty face if you'd just lose the weight...
            That's what it sounds like to me, too (or in my case, substitute the words "...for an old babe" ). I don't think such statements are intended to be demeaning, but of course that's the effect they often have.
            MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

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              #7
              it could mean. "it is unexpected, BUT you really ARE quite attractive."

              Like, when you look at your best friend one day and say "you know you really are quite attractive" like you never really thought about or noticed or expected to feel that way.

              Bottom line is..he they said YOU ARE "quite attractive", quite meaning very in my opinion..and I would say.."why thank you, you are not so bad yourself!" and smile.
              "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ~Carlos Castaneda

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                #8
                Originally posted by Liz321 View Post
                maybe you can just take it as a compliment and not imply any other meaning to it? then weed them out. as my friends who do online dating call it DATE AND DELETE.
                Yep, just take it for what it is. If you are looking for negative meaning, of course you'll find it, even if someone said "you are beautiful to me" - what?? beautiful to YOU?? so I'm not beautiful to anyone else?! - you get my drift.

                So, like Liz said, don't think more about it than what it is. As sherocks says...
                Originally posted by sherocksandsherolls View Post
                it could mean. "it is unexpected, BUT you really ARE quite attractive."

                Like, when you look at your best friend one day and say "you know you really are quite attractive" like you never really thought about or noticed or expected to feel that way.

                Bottom line is..he they said YOU ARE "quite attractive", quite meaning very in my opinion..and I would say.."why thank you, you are not so bad yourself!" and smile.

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                  #9
                  When people say "You look really nice today" they just mean that. Not that you look really bad the other days even if it sounds like that.
                  Take the compliment.

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                    #10
                    I think it means you are very pretty.

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                      #11
                      It might mean that they never really looked at you before because as some of us know being in a wheelchair means you are invisible most of the time.

                      Or, the inner you and the outer you combined to make a really attractive person when they got to know you.

                      Or, it is just a compliment and they don't tell people things like that very often and they were surprised at themselves for needing to say it.
                      Anything worth doing, is worth doing to excess

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                        #12
                        This could all be a textbook case of over-reading something. Obviously no one here knows the mindset of the person who responded or his use and command of language. It could have been a backhanded compliment OR perhaps he's not someone usually given to offering compliments to someone he doesn't know, in which case his response may reflect hesitation based in embarrassment.

                        There are thousands of ways of (mis)interpreting what was said. He could be totally sincere and be the nicest guy you'd ever hope to meet or a complete sociopath. Who knows? On first blush I wouldn't assume the worst.
                        Last edited by stephen212; 28 Sep 2011, 6:02 PM.
                        stephen@bike-on.com

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                          #13
                          Maybe they both simply find you really quite attractive and wanted you to know.

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by betheny View Post
                            I think the suspect word here is "really". Like, you really have a pretty face if you'd just lose the weight...
                            Perhaps, but quite is suspect to interpretation as it can mean somewhat or extreme.

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                              #15
                              No point in over-analyzing it Randy - you really are quite attractive, you know!

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