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so the big question?

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    so the big question?

    ok I have to ask only being 14 im a vergin and now im paralyzed and have no clue what to expect any more every girl want there first time to be great and now I have no idea what it is going to be like will I feel anything when I feel down there I feel nothing will I be able to get it I just want as much info as I can get this is just all so new to me and I keep thinking of other things that have changed in my life


    hey emily i kno im a guy but lol i got hurt at 15 and im still a virgin so i dont no what to expect eiither but im gonna find out soon hopefully lol


      I'm not your parent but 14 is way too young.
      Finish school.
      When the time comes you PLAN to be sexually active get your butt to a gyno and practice safe sex ALWAYS.

      Your 14 year old friends have the same questions regardless of paralysis.
      Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

      I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.


        You're lucky you're a girl, since we have less performance issues LOL. A good friend of mine was injured at your age and was also a virgin. She now has a big, buff, hot AB boyfriend that treats her like a queen. She is really open about her sexuality. They just made a documentary about her called "Cody: The First Step." It's brand new but you MUST see it when you can! She had all your same fears and now has a fulfilling sex life. She's in college in CA but goes to see her bf in TX at least once a month.

        She is like a C8 injury, due to tranverse myelitis.

        Cody had more guts and ovaries than most people imo. But I believe her completely when she discusses sex. She says in a way, it requires more trust and intimacy for her. Since she can't move her body, she has to trust him to do it for her. He loves her and would never hurt her, and I guarantee you he's not settling with this girl. And she is not settling for bad sex either. It's really important to her. She did her research, just as you are. I'm sure she was terrified the first time too.

        Most AB girls would envy Cody that boyfriend. It's so cute, he always picks her up and carries her on airplanes. When they;re out, he holds her hand and pulls her, instead of pushing from behind.

        This link is to the trailer for the documentary (which btw also shows Beaux, her hottie bf):

        I won't give you advice, as I've never been in your shoes. I will tell you that the rate of SCI women that have orgasms isn't much lower than that for AB's. Women have a secondary pathway from the genitals to the brain, which bypasses the spinal cord. It's not a guaranteed 100% thing, but the odds are pretty good that it will work for you.

        Good luck!

        Here's a portion of the NY Times review of the documentary...I hadn't seen it before. Girlfriend kicked ass! And they are in the running for an Oscar nomination for it, too.

        "...Informational and emotionally direct, Chris Schueler’s “Cody: The First Step” is a succinct 66-minute portrait of life in a wheelchair whose steadfast subject (the daughter and granddaughter of the racing legends Al Unser Jr. and Sr.) has made it her mission to raise awareness — and research dollars — in the name of finding a cure for all spinal-cord-related paralysis. Notably, she also organizes scuba-diving excursions for wheelchair users and lobbies for stem-cell research.

        Her prevailing optimism is at times countered by introspective moments in which she discusses her troubles and doubts, and, even more candidly, her sexuality, shattering notions that those with paralysis are not sexual beings. The film, with narration by Glenn Close and a recurring song that tugs at the heartstrings a little too hard, also shows Ms. Unser, now 22, facing everyday challenges; a segment in which she struggles to maneuver herself out of the bathtub is particularly effective (if a bit voyeuristic).

        Personal-affliction documentaries are a dime a dozen; seldom are they this gripping and inspiring."
        Last edited by betheny; 6 May 2009, 2:13 PM.
        Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?


          And oh yeah, 14 is too young.

          We all had questions at 14. We didn't all have the lack of information you're going to deal with. So ask any questions, this is a safe zone with a lot of women that have rolled in your shoes.
          Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?


            Wouldn't it be better if the thread was in Women Only instead?
            TH 12, 43 years post



              Betheny - Do you know when or where Cody's documentary will air?


                Emie,your concern is completely valid,it was one of my first thoughts too.From experience,I can whole-heartly tell you that you are too young to be finding out though.Your injury is still new and there is hope you may regain some feeling.Regardless,I would think that since you never knew what it was like before that you won't even know what to expect otherwise.Right time,right person and I'm sure you'll be happy.Please take the advice here Emie and wait a while.It's already an emotional ride,then throw in sci issues and immaturity(although you don't see it now) and you could really get hurt-mentally.I'm not flaming you in any way for asking though,@ your age you're gonna wonder.


                  Originally posted by jkn View Post
                  Betheny - Do you know when or where Cody's documentary will air?
                  There are premiers going on all over the country right now. And PBS is airing a condensed version, I believe they said in July. I'll post when I find out.
                  Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?



                    There was this book by the woman who runs the STD testing at California high schools. She found the average age for sex was 15 for the girl and the average age of her partner was 24. The most common reason given to have sex was "I felt I was old enough". This answer really troubled this lady gynecologist and she tried to help girls realize it was a case of adult men having sex with children. The most common characteristic the girl liked about the boy was "He had a cool car". All of this really should indicate that sex is about adult personal relationships. hopefully committed ones.

                    And remember Kate Beckinsales comment, "If I had known you could have a relationship [she is married] based on a shared sense of humor, it would have saved a lot of sex.

                    Sex without love can make you feel lonelier. So first things first. First, reach a mature age. Second, evaluate what are the moral guidelines which should influence sex. Finally, why are you doing it. Just to experience it is not enough reason. It is an expression of something. You have to determine what it is you want it to express. It hopefully is linked to some kind of commitment. Promiscuity does not strengthen the value of sex, it deteriorates it. Talk to your mother, talk to people who know (and that doesn't mean a girlfriend who is two years older) and have a perspective.

                    I'm not preaching, just letting you know that in this day and age of STD, sex should be with the right person at the right time, not just because you think you are old enough to have sex. Sixty percent of the girls tested in CA have an STD and forty percent acquire it on their FIRST contact. Your chances of having it mean something are best if the person respects what it means and does not treat it lightly. Traditionally sex is associated with marriage and there is a reason for traditions, they often help you get by in the best way. Whether you make this decision will be up to you. but don't make a decision based on "being old enough".


                      I really don't want to come off as an "old fart" here, but you have so many other things to worry about and prioritize. It is natural to wonder about what sex will be like, for any teenager, disabled or not, but one of the things that is perhaps an added burden (or opportunity!) if you are disabled and female is the need for a better than average education. I know it sounds like some cliche, but education is the key to a better job, better pay, and a lifetime of greater opportunities. You will not be able to do menial labor jobs, and that is a GOOD thing, because with your obvious intelligence you will be able to choose a profession that will bring you both security and a decent income. The last thing in the world you want is to turn out like Bristol Palin, nursing a kid and having some slack jawed sperm donor taking off on you. Fourteen is too young. Not to think about it, but to engage in sex. In some ways it would rob you of so much of life's other pleasures. You are only this age once, and need to take advantage of it without being tied down to some "first love," which usually lasts about two weeks anyway. If you decide to ignore those of us saying to wait please, please use protection. You do not want to find yourself in poverty living in a slum raising a child on welfare if you can avoid it.



                        Given all of the comments here telling you that you're too young to be thinking about, let alone having, sex, I'm going to sound like a mad woman here for repeating the advice Dr. Laura Berman recently gave on the Oprah show to some teenage girls about your age.

                        Before engaging in a sexual relationship with anyone, take charge of your own sexual well being by learning about your body and the practices involved in having "safer" sex.

                        Experiment by yourself within your comfort levels (emotionally and morally) to find out what and where feels good and what doesn't. Remember that pleasure zones are not limited to the genital areas.

                        Practice communicating what you think the partner you choose should know about what you are, and especially what you are not, comfortable with doing. It may seem silly, but practicing this by saying it out loud in front of a mirror really helps!

                        Learn about safer sex, including the correct way a condom is put on. (I read a statistic recently that said condoms are put on inside out at a rate that shocked me -- something like 30 percent of the time. Research birth control methods, and always remember that no method is 100 percent effective except total abstinence. Again, practice telling your partner that having unsafe sex means there will be no sex.

                        And an important question to ask the one you think your first tiome might be with is, "How long do you expect us to be together?" Don't accept "forever" as an answer -- ask if that means six weeks or six years. It really surprised a girl who was your age to hear her boyfriend, whom she was convinced she was ready to have intercourse with, say that he thought they'd only be together for "six weeks or so, because after all, they *are* teenagers" when asked that question. She changed her mind about him being her first right then and there.

                        For a variety of reasons, far too many young women let the boy they are with take charge of the situation, worry more about how he feels than how they do, and rely on boys for sexual satisfaction. Don't let that be you. When the time comes, you deserve and should expect to be an equal partner. Anyone of quality you choose to be with will not only respect that, but admire you for it. If they don't, kick' em to the curb.


                        PS -- you might want to send a message to Obieone, or make a request in this thread, and ask to become a member of the private Women's Only Forum. It's a really pleasant and safe place to ask questions like this.
                        It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

                        ~Julius Caesar


                          This might sound totally and completely insane, but I first found out about that stuff when I was about 10 (about 3 years ago). And to be completely honest that question has been in my mind ever since... My biggest problem is that I am a C-1 quad on a ventilator. So I am absolutely terrified that all of my machinery (and other disadvantages) will make the experience traumatizing for myself and "whoever"... All of you nice adults here, please don't worry. I know Im only almost 13, don't freak... Im not having sex nor am I anywhere near ready to. BUT, as a teenager, I often think about it and I wonder what will happen when or IF the time will come??? :-)