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Dust in the Wind

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    Dust in the Wind

    In the weeks to come, my house affected by Katrina will be demolished by the government. This has already occurred to homes and buildings where I've spent many of my childhood moments. It's such an odd feeling to go to my old town, which I don't do often. Much has been demolished, much has yet to be, and much has already been torn down and rebuilt. In a strange way, Katrina has given me a sense of emotional healing because it forced me to let go of the remnants of my childhood and my life prior to my injury. Several years ago, I had such a painful emotional battle with nostalgia. I've since learned to live and be more in the present rather than the past, and thus the pain is not as overwhelming as it once was.

    Just some of my thoughts. Feel free to post your own.

    #2
    Although my experience isn't the same, I too have difficulty going back to the city my sci was in while at college. I've been asked to visit and actually have family friends that live there, but I cant bring myself to do it, go back and see all the familiar buildings and roads that I once traveled so carefree. I left there with a lot of unfinished business between me and other peers, I want to forget that chapter in my life and pretend the people and places never happened. Right before the accident I was in a huge battle against a frat house, total highschool drama...small school in a small town in the midwest, everyone was in your business, quick to judge and discriminate...it disgusted me so I transferred to a larger school back by my home to start over yet again, actually was suppsed to drive home to sign a lease on an apt but the weather got nasty so I stayed in town...funny how events prior to the accident seem like they all fell into place purposely to create my sci. Eh, who knows if it's fate or chance anymore. All I know is forgetting is much easier than facing the truth.
    Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.
    -Dorothy Thompson

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      #3
      Katrina was a tragedy, but I must admit, there was something beautiful about the way you wrote your post.

      Here's to new beginnings.

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        #4
        i held on to the house my dad literally built (he was a carpenter) and the only home i had known with my family way past the loss of my parents and brother. the house is in iowa, i live in washington. obviously, it wasn't the tangible house i was holding onto, but my memories. it was paid off and i rented it. i comforted myself with knowing i still had "home."

        but finally, i realized i didn't. without my family, it wasn't home. it took me many years to let go. i am glad i did, but still sad. my dad put his heart, soul and sweat into that house. but i knew i would never live in iowa again.

        so i let go. it was hard.

        p.s. and i thought this post was going to be about Kansas songs...all we are is dust in the wind...carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done...and all that.
        Last edited by cass; 9 Mar 2008, 5:45 AM.

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          #5
          I echo what Kiran said, beautifully written.

          It's funny how we are ... I couldn't wait to leave my childhood home and everytime I travel, it's off a major highway and I see how delapitated it looks and I have no desire to go back.
          Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

          T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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            #6
            lynnifer, what are you doin up? i am up cause went to a concert and can never go to bed after that for a while. matchbox twenty with alanis morisette.

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              #7
              Todd,

              I was struck by the poignant irony of your post right above your present signature....Madonna's This Used to Be My Playground. It recalls similar memories of course, sports instead of home, but the sentiment is pretty much the same.....just like old times. I played basketball in high school, and was a real gym rat in college, and yep, there's not a day I don't think about it once or twice and smile a bit

              I don't have any attachment to my present abode, and have actually moved quite a lot of times over the years, so I tend to fondly recall towns I lived or grew up in rather than any one house, save the farm I grew up in. Its still there, just down the road of course, but I haven't seen it or been there since about 2002 when I took a bike trip and visited. And that too had been after some several years away. What I discovered was like that old Don Henley song about the 'End of the Innocence' - the more things change, the more we remember 'somewhere back there lies that same small town in each of us'

              Likewise, same goes for college down in Arkansas - haven't looked back, lest I find myself drawn like a moth to its flaming end, better to avert sentimental thouoghts and move on.

              Tom

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                #8
                ...the mighty phoenix rises from the ashes.

                No one ever became unsuccessful by helping others out

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                  #9
                  "All that is subject to arising, is subject to ceasing." We can't hold on to anything, or settle anywhere, for long. Heroic that we try, though.
                  "I'm lost. I'm no guide, but I'm by your side." - Pearl Jam

                  "It decomposes, mendicant, therefore, truly, one calls this the world." -- Loka Sutta

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by cass
                    i held on to the house my dad literally built (he was a carpenter) and the only home i had known with my family way past the loss of my parents and brother. the house is in iowa, i live in washington. obviously, it wasn't the tangible house i was holding onto, but my memories. it was paid off and i rented it. i comforted myself with knowing i still had "home."
                    My aunt had a difficult time with this as well. She lived in the house my mother's father built and then Katrina came and made an already unstable house even worse, it was destined to be demolished and was. It wasn't built on a slab and the ground down here is below sea-level, thus over time the house became unstable.

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by Tom
                      Todd,

                      I was struck by the poignant irony of your post right above your present signature....Madonna's This Used to Be My Playground. It recalls similar memories of course, sports instead of home, but the sentiment is pretty much the same.....just like old times. I played basketball in high school, and was a real gym rat in college, and yep, there's not a day I don't think about it once or twice and smile a bit

                      Tom
                      Tom,

                      That song happens to be my favorite and when I read about Clayton, it seemed fitting for a while. I used to avoid listening to this song for years because it was too painful, but I'm now at a place where I can feel a peace listening to it without too much sorrow attached to it.

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                        #12
                        Hey Todd

                        I understand what you're feeling.Sorry that I didn't realize just how much Katrina affected your life.When we went to look at the damage it was like a horror film.

                        I moved away from BelleRiver/Pierre Part because it had nothing for me anymore.The town has never changed.Yes I loved it as a child but with my SCI I had to move to better my self and envirorment.

                        Cheer up buddy.Hope to meet you in june or sooner.
                        Be yourself!!!
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                          #13
                          Todd, Sorry to hear that your house will be coming down, but the way you are viewing this strikes me as heroic of sorts. It is so hard to let go of the past sometimes. The house that I grew up in still stands, and though I do not have the best memories from that place I find it is a magnet of sorts, drawing me back to look at it every so often. They would almost be doing me a service if it ceased to exist, but if it is a place with happy memories I can only imagine how much more emotionally laden it might be.

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                            #14
                            I have to agree with Kiran and lynnifer about your post. That was very touching to me.

                            I have an issue with my Mothers house. I grew up there and my Grandfather bought it brand new. I was 5 when we moved in because of my Grandfathers passing.

                            I love the area and peaceful neighborhood. I heard the birds the other day and thought of home. My Mother always has bird feeders and there are all sorts of them that come around along with humming birds that I love to watch. My Stepfather has become disabled and she makes little money, so I worry that she'll end up selling the house. I couldn't imagine not to be able to "go home".

                            I always said if I won the lotto I'd buy it from her and probably start from scratch rebuilding. It was build in '59 or '60 so work needs to be done. That's a long time dream of mine. I just can't think of anyone else living in my home.
                            T-5 incomplete

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                              #15
                              Todd ...... I'm agreeing with the others ... beautifully conveyed ..... you have a truly lovely soul ! I wish you peace ....

                              Obieone
                              ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


                              " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
                              Jane Siberry

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