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You Know You're "A Person With A Disability" When

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    #31
    You Might Be A Handicapped Redneck If..


    * Any part of your wheelchair is painted cameo.
    * You have a wheelchair up on blocks in your front yard.
    * You rigged up a beer cooler powered off your chair batteries.
    * You wear cowboy, biker, or work boots, even though they're hard to put on and you can't walk anyway.
    * You adjusted your headrest so it'll stop knocking off your hat.
    * You installed a gun rack on the back of your wheelchair.
    * Your joystick [which does not live up to its name] is a billiard ball, car stick shift knob, beer. tap, or similar item.
    * You ever thought about jacking your chair up 2 or 3 feet.
    * You have knobby mud tires - that never get dirty.
    * You installed a sound system so your chair will sound like a truck or hog.
    * You installed a whip antenna just so you could fly the stars and bars!
    * There is a 'Harley' decal or emblem permanently attached to your chair.
    * You installed a CB behind or under your chair.
    * You replaced your seat with a Barco Lounger.
    * You found the above BarcoLounger at the side of the road.
    * You named your chair 'Bubba', 'Junior', 'Daisy', or 'Killer'.
    * There is some part of a deer decorating any part of your chair.
    * You have ever thought about smuggling moonshine in the tubing or battery compartment of the chair.
    * You, while in your wheelchair, ever made any roadkill.
    * The accessories hangin' on the chair weigh more than 1/3 what your w/c does.
    * You browse truck catalogs looking for ways to soup up your wheelchair.
    * You want to add a side-car or a 'sweet little trailer'.
    * You wear a 4 pound belt buckle that cuts into your stomach as you sit.
    * The fringe of your jacket or strings of your bolo tie have ever gotten caught in your wheels - but you wear it anyway.
    * You regularly call up Harley Davidson and ask when they're going to start making wheelchairs.
    * You have spent more than an hour trying to figure out how to hang fuzzy dice from your chair.
    * Duct tape plays a major role in your repair and maintenance plan.
    * You read this list and found yourself thinking, at any point, "Now that's a good idea!"

    What'd you expect from this here redneck?





    Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches. It's more like a jar of jalapenos--What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

    If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby. Carlos Mencia

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      #32
      This is one of the best threads we've ever had going.
      "The world will not perish for want of wonders but for want of wonder."
      J.B.S.Haldane

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        #33
        * You named your chair 'Bubba', 'Junior', 'Daisy', or 'Killer'.

        I am offended!!!!! Daisy is not a redneck name.... At least Donald Duck loved Daisy!!!!
        T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

        My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

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          #34
          You Know You're "A Person With A Disability" When you have to "fart" and there aint a darn thing you can do about it.....so it rips for everyone within 20 feet of you to hear and there is no denying it was a FART!!!
          T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

          My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

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            #35
            It would be an obvious carry over from my Daisy Red Ryder BB gun. Coincidently, it rides ''shotgun'' with me at all times. And no.. I have not shot my eye out.. yet!!





            Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches. It's more like a jar of jalapenos--What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

            If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby. Carlos Mencia

            Comment


              #36
              You Know You're "A Person With A Disability" When you pull into a handicapped parking spot and every elderly person in the parking lot turns to look at you to make sure you have a handicapped placard displayed...then their eyes are like glue as they watch you perform the dismount from your vehicle.

              You Know You're "A Person With A Disability" When they continue on their journey after stairing at you for ten minutes....LOL

              You Know You're "A Person With A Disability" When everyone moves out of your way to let you pass.
              T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

              My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

              Comment


                #37
                Funniest Freakin' Thread EVER!
                C

                Comment


                  #38
                  Originally posted by LaMemChose
                  I was born disabled, then acquired an SCI not quite fourteen years ago.
                  It's off topic, but I just gotta say that if that's not proof that life ain't fair, I don't know what is.

                  Even Wonder Dog has a sense of humor
                  She's adorable too!

                  C.

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                    #39
                    When your (husband's) wheelchair costs 5x your current car!!! $42K c500 permobil, meet Ami's used car.
                    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Originally posted by Tiger Racing
                      It's off topic, but I just gotta say that if that's not proof that life ain't fair, I don't know what is.


                      She's adorable too!

                      C.
                      Hey, C. Yeah, was born with cerebral palsy. Mine was mild by what it could have done, but did its damage nonetheless. SCi was incomplete, but again, did its damage.

                      As for fair, I generally realize I've been more fortunate in life than I've ever had a right to be. I've still had a good life, still do.

                      Thanks on Wonder Dog. She belongs to my Uncle, but he lives nearby. I see her most days.

                      I'm her preferred human.

                      We now return you to regularly scheduled programming ...

                      "You know you're disabled when ..."

                      ... the postcards you receive most often are called "Disability Product Postcards."

                      ... you hear the words "tire pressure" you think of your chair.

                      ... anyone says the "BP," you're not thinking Britsh Petroleum.

                      Comment


                        #41
                        you know you're disabled when......

                        .......you have to ask someone 5' tall to get something off the shelf for you
                        .......the short bus is coming for "YOU"
                        .......you go to the d.m.v. and don't have to wait like everyone else
                        .......you start using the foreman grill to make toast because its "easier"
                        .......you order a vodka and cranberry at the bar, "for you bladder"

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Originally posted by Ads32
                          Does it help you guys to laugh at yourselves? Just curious, cos' I don't think I personally know any 'dis' that would find this funny one bit. Some of its pretty sick to me , after being introduced to sci and the amount of suffering I've seen over the past few years.
                          You must know all one kind, and I know all of the other type. I don't know any that WOULDN'T find this thread funny.

                          I'm glad I didn't break my twisted sense of humor when I broke my neck. Thanks for the laughs, guys.

                          This weekend 3 ab's declined to get in the elevator with me. They stood, and looked at me, and eventually the doors closed.

                          Dumbasses.

                          You know you're disabled when...the only souvenir you buy in DC is a big FAT pen from the Spy Museum. And it excites you so much you buy 2, then you threaten family members lest they try to use your new pens.

                          Also when you spend the week loving the scooter you rented for $240 a week, even tho Marilyn calls it a golf cart. And zooming around Washington on it is the best feeling of freedom you've had in YEARS.
                          Last edited by betheny; 25 Apr 2007, 10:54 PM.
                          Blog:
                          Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Typing as a transcriptionist only, for Chad:

                            "When attending Cirque de Soleil recently, suddenly saw the interesting parallels between the spinning bodies in space and the possibilities for your ab wife's use of our overhead ceiling lift"
                            Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Originally posted by Juke_spin
                              That is a beaut. How about the person with you replying, "No, he absorbs it by osmosis."
                              I was 17 at the time, but thought about, "Nope, only beer."
                              C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Best thread...IMO!

                                "You know you're disabled when..."

                                You and your family openly talk about your Bowel Program at the dinner table.

                                Nurses don't recognize you in your chair because you're not naked or lying down.

                                There is no chair at your spot at the dinner table.

                                Danny M.
                                Injured May 19, 2006, C4 incomplete

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