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Abuse by caregiver

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  • Abuse by caregiver

    I broke my neck in 1995. I have been home from the hospital for a little more than a year. My wife has been my sole caretaker, without a break, since I got home. She is getting burned out and she will not get help no matter how much I have pleaded with her.

    In the past few months she doesn't talk anymore she screams and screams-I am paralyzed from the shoulders down. Not only does she scream, but she punches me and slaps me. Last weekend, she put me to bed on Friday at 6 p.m. and did not come in to check on me until Sunday around noon. No food, no water.

    I have a place I can come to work-my old law firm- where I can get some food, and my brother-in-law comes by a couple times a week to stretch my arms.

    She never leaves any marks, and if someone stops by, she smiles and rubs my head like nothing is wrong. I have contacted my State human resources so I can get transferred to an assisted care facility.

    Does anybody have any advice on this course of action?

  • #2
    Wow, I am deeply sorry to hear this. The main problem is that abusive relationships often progress. Being without water and food is also neglect and 2 days is way too long to go without water. What about your urine or bowels?

    Honeslty for your safety you need to get out of the home now. I would call 911 and go into the ER. Then you can explain your plight and they should be able to admit you or at least get you a social services consult to get some immediate help. I am suprised that the state worker did not contact you back immediately.

    Please keep us updated.


    • #3
      Someone else can offer you better advice than me, but I'm truly sorry you have to deal with this.


      • #4
        Your wife? That's insane, I hope something happens soon for you. Best wishes.
        Say what you mean and mean what you say because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

        My Myspace


        • #5
          I agree the number one concern is to be safe. Now.

          Call an ambulance and get yourself to the e.r. Make arrangements to go to assisted living from there, even if that means a temporary stay in the hospital or a nursing home. The most dangerous time for anyone being abused is when they are about to leave the abusive situation. An ambulance gets you away from home and out of there safely and immediately.

          If you have to tell the 9-1-1 operator you're having AD or about to pass out, do it. Just leave. Now.

          Once at the hospital, contact your doctor and let her/him know what's been happening. Ask the social worker to contact Adult Protective Services, but get to the hospital first. Don't discuss this on the phone with anyone. She may hear you and hurt you worse than she has.

          I'm worried about you, Carson. You can and will be okay, but only if you leave.

          As an attorney, you know your rights. You have good contacts so use them. This is the time for that once you're at the hospital. Worry about restraining orders and orders of protection once you are safely away from her.

          Don't wait until you're stuck in bed without food or water to call for help, okay? You may not be able to call for help when she does that again. It's Friday so get moving to get to the e.r.

          Abusers tend to escalate the severity of the abuse. It'll get worse and worse. Don't listen if she tells you it will never happen again. It will.

          Please leave. Call for an ambulance and get out of there. Use whatever resources you have monetarily to do what you need to be safe.

          If the hospital says there is no place for you to go other than a shelter, hell, get an accessible hotel room and get assistance with personal care through an agency out of pocket tenporarily.

          First things first. Leave. Go where you must to be safe.

          When you can, let us know you're safe, okay?


          • #6
            Acarson, check your private topics please...


            • #7

              "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

              "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

              "Dream big, you might never wake up!"- Snoop Dogg


              • #8
                Acarson, this is horrible. You should get help! HHS building is right next to WakeMed's Raleigh campus.


                • #9
                  Acarson, your inital post here says you were injured in 1995, your profile says 2005...I'm thinking 2005...

                  just to clarify for everyone...

                  <<trying to help.


                  • #10
                    I'm thinking she forgot the latter part of "for better or worse". There's a special spot for her in hell I hope.


                    • #11
                      Dan and Foolish Old have good info, Carson. Those are other resources for the arsenal you need to be safe, to live the life you want and deserve to have.

                      I agree with Mike. The lowest rung of Dante's inferno isn't good enough for her.


                      • #12
                        I'm sorry to hear that you've been treated so badly. I hope you are able to get help quickly.


                        • #13
                          wow.. this is terrible.
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                          • #14
                            You need to get out of that relationship, you dont inflict that type of abuse on someone you love.

                            I personally wouldnt let her know anything is up if you plan on leaving or having her removed. Start to confide in someone that lives nearby that you can trust. If it all starts to go to hell quickly, you need someone who is calm, rational that will standup to her and act in your best interests.

                            Be careful not to say or do anything that may trigger her, it sounds like she is so close to losing it bigtime, and you have to look after yourself until you get things sorted. I would ask a friend to document some times and dates that she has been abusive, dont document it yourself and risk her finding it.

                            Hang in there, but get out of this terrible situation asap!


                            • #15
                              Acarson, I am not sure if this would help but what about calling the authorities and asking to have them move you out? Tell them you feel vulnerable or afraid. Tell them you would like to speak to them in private too before you say anything in front of her. This could be done when you place the call. Would it be possible for you to call without a problem?

                              This is terrible and not to be permitted. I can understand what living like this feels like, have known it personally. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

                              Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. ~Victor Hugo~

                              A warrior is not one who always wins,
                              but one who keeps on fighting to the end ~ Unknown ~