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    I am allowed to go down for a sigarette and it is already so cold I am freezing my a.. off. My PA was here today with plums and socks for me and a caffe latte. This is boring, but I am going home Thursday morning and then I have gotten place in the SCI hospital September 22th (my marrige date and the birthday of our princess) to take the urodynamic and to take my driving license. I can do it with the teacher there, I believe I can make it in five days. And I get my own room with my own bathroom and let's hope the bacteria is gone so I can do it.

    Without the laptop I would have died, it is no Internet on this hospital so I have my own. Now they want me to sleep but it is only 11pm, I am not use to sleep so early.
    The same girl who did write to me all the time when I was in US writes to me now too and I have been writing here and reading newspapers and playing on facebook so I have survieved. So if you go to the hospital take the laptop and get a network, it is a blessing.
    TH 12, 43 years post

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      I've never really used this thread before to bitch and complain, but today is the day I just let it all hang out. I am so sick of having constant pain. Pain that makes sleep impossible, pain that makes even reaching for something, or bringing a damn drink to my mouth make me want to wince. I get frustrated and then I eat something unhealthy to make myself feel better. It works, emotionally, but then I just continue to gain weight and I can't afford to be this heavy. I am supposed to function, but if I took all the pain pills I am prescribed I would probably be like a zombie, so instead I undermedicate and today I am just a bit overwhelmed. The other day an ab friend was talking about how she walks everyday and does weight bearing exercises to prevent future problems. Nice for her, but I wanted to scream "why are you telling ME this?" I put on the fake smile and go out there in the world and get kudos for being well-adjusted and "happy." I don't really know how to do it any other way, but it is feeling pretty fake and pretty isolating. I sometimes make the weirdest decisions based solely on the amount of effort something takes. After a few bathroom misses I am supposed to be able to cook? No, no energy, so KFC becomes my best friend. Of course I can't open the damned fork in shrink wrap, so I eat most of it like some sort of primative, but what the hell, no one can see, so it doesn't really matter that much. I feel sort of foolish bitching since I know others have it much worse, but today I want to scream, so I thought I would try this instead. Thanks for the rant......

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        Eileen, the next time you are having such a bad day, take your prescribed pain meds and get a zombie. At least that is making me relax and I am feeling better after I have slept. Sometimes it is nice to be a zombie, you don't have to show it to anybody.
        I hate the zombie most of the time, but once in a month or every second month I like it
        TH 12, 43 years post

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          I went to my old site http://www.patientslikeme.com/forum and I found out one of my best friends passed away. She was so full of life and encouragement. I didnt think she would ever die. I feel like I am on my last loss...I have lost my blink on rt eye. Had to re-claib for other eye. If eyes go...I always thought I go. puter is 1 thing keeps me sane. Think I made mistake going on vent. should just go when its time. No way to communicate scares me. panics me. Think my twin understands, but sis wont face it. Must be hard two bros with same thing. Not knowing who is next. very scared.
          Veni.Vidi,Velcro...I came, I saw, I stuck around.

          Vidi, Vici, et Veni, et Veni, et Veni...

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            I'm stuck...thought I was doing well with riding the Harley...damn thing fell on me and broke my good leg...now both legs are a pain...surgery went well but the pain is somewhat crazy in the middle of the night...can't put weight on the broken leg yet...getting around is hard enough...and I'm bored out of my mind...so...

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              MarkPals,
              I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. That has to be very difficult, and the physical losses you are facing would overwhelm anybody. I'm glad you are here though, and I always like reading your posts.

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                Mark,

                I just sent you TWO PM's...

                Glad you are here too...and always listen to what you have to say....that's what friends are for...

                It's a ruff ride, for sure....but if it helps to know somebody cares, I do.

                Teena

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                  Originally posted by woman from Europe View Post
                  Eileen, the next time you are having such a bad day, take your prescribed pain meds and get a zombie.
                  Or you could skip the meds, don't wait and just get the zombie now!

                  C.

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                    Originally posted by sjean423 View Post
                    Here you go Bente, my dog, named Licorice!!
                    My dog Buddy wants to play frisbee

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                      cute dogs.
                      So minor complaint: the sentence,"You mean I shaved my legs for this?" takes on even greater signifigance now that shaving is such a pain in the ass. Stupid boys I don't know why I bother...
                      If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


                      Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

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                        Originally posted by addiesue View Post
                        cute dogs.
                        So minor complaint: the sentence,"You mean I shaved my legs for this?" takes on even greater signifigance now that shaving is such a pain in the ass. Stupid boys I don't know why I bother...
                        If it means anything I had sex with my wife on our first date and she forgot to shave her legs I did not know I'm SCI, is that funny or what?

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                          Originally posted by addiesue View Post
                          the sentence,"You mean I shaved my legs for this?" takes on even greater signifigance now that shaving is such a pain in the ass.
                          Ooh, good one. I still haven't figured out why one leg is so much harder than the other one.

                          C.

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                            Originally posted by Tiger Racing View Post
                            Or you could skip the meds, don't wait and just get the zombie now!

                            C.
                            It does look like that concoction might make anyone forget about pain for awhile!

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                              Pick on me and Bitch at me Tonight !

                              Wow I got my butt reamed in a tread post earlier with Tigerrr
                              holy Cow's or maybe Holy Moly my My I need a tums'
                              I mean now my clinical Depression is bothering me and I want to go ...Cry Who ever wants to rip me apart here please do it this is the proper post for it Right ?
                              No one knows how UnDepressed Clinically I Think I am without my Tums and Mones .
                              Either way This is my night to get picked and bitched at....

                              Last edited by GL; 10 Sep 2009, 2:51 AM. Reason: fix mistake

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                                I'm sorry for your loss & overwhelming anxiety Mark not to mention the loss of yet another function.The things we've all taken for granted,wow.

                                Addie,it's just about time you can let your winter coat grow.lol.About that time will be when some guy wants in your pants though.No just kidding,yuck.Sorry,that let down feeling is a bummer esp. when it took over an hour to get 'em slick & prettied up.They should be more respectful of how hard it is to get presentable these days.

                                Eileen,pain sucks the life out of you no doubt.You've struggled 30 years though,you're body deserves some relief by now.Take the plunge into the better stuff.It'll probably go straight to the pain leaving you like a teen again & you may just love zombie land too.Hope it helps for sure!

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