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  • Originally posted by 2timer View Post
    Thanks for the feedback and encouragement. As a former nurse I recognize my spasms are actually more of a reflexive "feedback loop". Some days are just so hard and they seem more frequent. I know this lifestyle is hard. Some days it just seems harder than it should be. I. Sometimes want to plead with my Dr to make me a complete injury. In the end I settle for finding some place like this to just vent.
    Keep venting! This is a good place to visit.

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    • Let me complain that I just wrote a post that I spent a lot of time on (trying to write well). Then I clicked on something and it disappeared.
      This has happened before. I don't feel like reconstructing the whole thing.
      It would be good to have a back arrow that would restore what was erased!
      Rich

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      • I'll quickly summarize my complaints.
        My Omegatrac wheelchair is down again. I don't know if I can resurrect it. This makes it harder to live here.
        I have intense pain near my shoulder blade when I move in certain ways. This makes it hard to do the physical work that I want to do.
        I feel isolated. I'm not sure who to reach out to. I haven't been making plans to do fun things with other people.
        My place is a mess while a friend and I have been putting down oak floors. Being disabled (T7 complete) makes it especially hard to live in a mess.
        Happy Spring to all of my friends here (ok- distant friends) !
        Rich

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        • 26 t3 complete rods from t3-t-11 and I cry every day. Weed makes everything unbearable to think about. I know I have depression and am on sertraline to help that. but fuck. 2 years post injury, had a job that gave me a small pressure sore, now i'm not doing anything job wise. can't get into grad school till next fall. i live next to a coffee shop and see this girl who though i had a real connection with and she led me on hard, but now it seems she thinks she's happy enough with her boyfriend and she only wants friendship now. and one of my best friends in college just died, and we weren't on good terms and i didn't do anything to rectify it.

          im just feeling lost and completely and utterly broken.

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          • Originally posted by juniorsenior View Post
            26 t3 complete rods from t3-t-11 and I cry every day. Weed makes everything unbearable to think about. I know I have depression and am on sertraline to help that. but fuck. 2 years post injury, had a job that gave me a small pressure sore, now i'm not doing anything job wise. can't get into grad school till next fall. i live next to a coffee shop and see this girl who though i had a real connection with and she led me on hard, but now it seems she thinks she's happy enough with her boyfriend and she only wants friendship now. and one of my best friends in college just died, and we weren't on good terms and i didn't do anything to rectify it.

            im just feeling lost and completely and utterly broken.
            I hear you!

            I'm doing ok. Still working on my house- challenging! Had high fever recently with UTI. Looking forward to getting back to better digestion after Cipro messed it up.
            Rich

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            • Ok I'm venting only because its the middle of the night and I haven't slept in two days because of this raging UTI. Besides who reads these?

              Not only do I seem to piss myself even after cathing but my body wants to go into spasms that sabotage any thing I want or need to do.
              I have changed clothes 10-12 times today. Washed my bedding and all my clothes only to have them sitting back in the washer.

              I'm afraid to lay down because after I'm all comfy, I feel that urge...start pissing, spasm and plank like a mother f-er. So there I lay soaking wet straight as a board and unable to get up.

              This all started with the usual oops leak that I randomly get. The next day I wasn't leaking but had one really smelly a.m. cath so I figured I would flush myself take a crap load of vit-c and cranberry pills. I felt the urge and cath'd a lot but no issues until that night. I started to piss myself in bed and piss every 10- min. I finally said might as well stay up. I couldn't even put on underwear because I was leaking so bad.

              I use those depends pads but they only work 50% of the time. Like I said my body is against me and I seem to find the spot the pad isn't.


              Ok I'm done F this!!!!

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              • You need the right yoga

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                • Originally posted by cfx View Post
                  Ok I'm venting only because its the middle of the night and I haven't slept in two days because of this raging UTI. Besides who reads these?

                  Not only do I seem to piss myself even after cathing but my body wants to go into spasms that sabotage any thing I want or need to do.
                  I have changed clothes 10-12 times today. Washed my bedding and all my clothes only to have them sitting back in the washer.

                  I'm afraid to lay down because after I'm all comfy, I feel that urge...start pissing, spasm and plank like a mother f-er. So there I lay soaking wet straight as a board and unable to get up.

                  This all started with the usual oops leak that I randomly get. The next day I wasn't leaking but had one really smelly a.m. cath so I figured I would flush myself take a crap load of vit-c and cranberry pills. I felt the urge and cath'd a lot but no issues until that night. I started to piss myself in bed and piss every 10- min. I finally said might as well stay up. I couldn't even put on underwear because I was leaking so bad.

                  I use those depends pads but they only work 50% of the time. Like I said my body is against me and I seem to find the spot the pad isn't.


                  Ok I'm done F this!!!!
                  Do you ever consider wearing a leg bag with non adhesive ( since you intermittent cath) external catheter until you get UTI and spastic bladder under control? Sounds like a lot of work with the leaking, laundry,etc.

                  I rotate a couple 32oz. Bard bags with Rochester non latex external cath frequently , take off and wash , air dry between caths. The accidents would be too much especially if feeling bad from UTI.

                  Hope you're feeling better. UTI's are a drag.

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                  • I have a sore throat etc. and am staying in bed today. I wonder whether I should be moving off my heals and backside more. I haven't had a skin ulcer in the ten years since injury. I've been feeling more emotional pain as winter approaches alone in my little rural retreat. I can easily go into "woe is me" thoughts at not being able to do things I used to do.
                    Rich

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                    • Originally posted by 2timer View Post
                      Thanks for the feedback and encouragement. As a former nurse I recognize my spasms are actually more of a reflexive "feedback loop". Some days are just so hard and they seem more frequent. I know this lifestyle is hard. Some days it just seems harder than it should be. I. Sometimes want to plead with my Dr to make me a complete injury. In the end I settle for finding some place like this to just vent.
                      FYI that won't work being a complete does not mean you won't have spasms,trust me I'm a complete C4 and I have plenty all day, whoever told you that is full of shit!! However if you do have sensation cherish it, living without any sensation makes you feel completely disconnected from the world and people around you interaction is almost nothing even when you can see your hand touching your pet, you're lover, wall, the grass there's nothing. You would seriously regret it, not that any doctor would be able to do that kind of operation...

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                      • I read posts on carecure and occasionally post. Obviously, there is a lot of pain expressed. I feel for people here who are suffering.
                        People who don't have paralysis can't really know what it is like. But, here people know. So I'm glad for that.

                        Now, getting my own complaints off my chest:

                        I go for weeks, sometimes, with pretty consistent bowel routines. But, then something goes out of kilter and I find myself with bloating, pain, constipation, accidents (where I have to get out of my clothes, shower if it's bad, start cleaning my clothes in the sink (then in the washer) and put new clothes on. This happens too often. The other thing is when my urine "collection system" malfunctions and I notice a smell or look down and see that my pants are soaked. Then I have to do the above routine along with putting on another condom catheter etc.

                        Right now I'm having the bowel trouble. Along with that comes pain in my belly and my back. The pain feels like it's coming from below my level of (T7 complete) injury.

                        I still have trouble accepting that I can't eat the way I used to. Also, I have to push myself to drink water during the day. So I try to do what it takes to keep my digestion working well.

                        I'll go back to gluten free bread and see if wheat is a problem.

                        Now I better do a push up to avoid pressure ulcers!
                        Rich

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                        • ...when I emit stank broccoli sharts getting in/out of my chair and can't get away. Damn you gastro-intestinal tract.

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