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    An introduction

    Hi,

    Just joined after lurking for a while. Not sure if this is the right place to post so I apologize if I'm in the wrong forum. I know being in a chair for forty years I'm not a new SCI. I'm approaching middle age 45 in a few weeks and am approaching my 40th anniversary in a chair. I'm doubly blessed because in addition to my SCI I'm an above knee amputee of my left leg. When I was 5 years old I ran out in front of a car and was hit. When I woke up in the hospital I was without my left leg and totally paralyzed. I'm a,mazed at how upbeat everyone is on this board and quite frankly am jealous. I do not have the attitude you guys have. I'm still upset about my injuries and hate my life. I have a good job and a great boyfriend who is an amputee as well but not SCI. Bob does quite well with his prosthesis. I'm frustrated by devos and wannabees who keep hitting on me. Yes it's wonderful to pee through your stomach and stick your finger up your ass to poop. Why wouldn't everyone want that? Oh yeah and not to be able to go a foot without your wheelchair that won't fit ito a lot of places is wonderful too. And growing up in a w/c is great also. Does wonders for your social life!!!! Sorry I didn't mean to turn this into a pity party I'm usually not thisional. Maybe it's because I'm going to hit 45 in a few weeks. I've actually been very lucky. No real health issues related to SCI, a great job and a wonderful b/f . Not sure how much time I will have to be on the board but would be happy to answer questions if I can help.

    Leenie

    #2
    Welcome Leenie,
    I am new to SCI. I fell off a 30' ladder when I was cutting a tree branch.
    I gotta do all that stuff you mentioned.
    Anyway, I think this site is great.
    Take care.
    Rich

    Comment


      #3
      Hi Leenie
      Welcome to CC. Even though I'm relatively new to CC, just like you I have had my SCI sinci I was a young child also. Mine happened a year after yours in "68" and I was 12 yrs old. It doesn't matter how long you have had sci there are still going to be days that seem overwhelming and stressfully challenging. Even thouh it has been so long with my sci I wish I had found CC a long time ago. You will still learn new things here and see that issues you thought were isolated to you are shared by many others with sci. By the way, you said that you're 45. Going through a mid life crisis with a disability is more than ab's can understand. I think their reflections on the "what if's" are a lot different than ours. Since we share so much in common looking forward to your posts.

      Comment


        #4
        Thanks Guys

        I appreciate how you feel I don't know why but all I do is cry lately. I can't help but think what it would have been like to have a normal social life and perhaps be a Mom today. Lately my missing leg is more disturbing to me than my SCI and I can't understand why. My boyfriend was wondering if a few counseling sessions might be useful. I'm usually against those but maybe.

        Cara,

        How as SCI affected you are you as emotional as me? My cousin is your age she's turning fifty in a couple of months and has been in her chair for thity years. She had akiing accident when she was 20 and handles things better than me. We're getting together to celebrate our birthdays just like we've done since we ended up in these things. This year it's my turn to visit her in California.

        Leenie

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by leenie
          Hi,

          And growing up in a w/c is great also. Does wonders for your social life!!!!
          Leenie
          Sucks, huh? I've read some posts here at CC where people say that they think those of us who grew up with SCI are better off because we don't know what we're missing. Yeah.

          I was injured at the age of 8, and it totally pisses me off. But, I try to focus on the positive. And there are a lot of positive things in my life. But still, I'm so sick of this SCI crap. How nice it would be to be normal. There's nothing I can do to change it though, so I focus on the positive, always have something to look forward to, keep busy, believe I am making a positive difference in this crazy world, and remember that EVERYONE has crap in their lives.

          Comment


            #6
            OMG!!!!!!

            Shannon that looks like me in my first chair. An E&J tank. It really sucked growing up in that thing. I usually am more positive I don't know why things are really bothering me so much lately!

            Comment


              #7
              welcome to carecure, leenie.
              Daniel

              Comment


                #8
                Leenie, welcome to CC.

                I wasn't SCI in early life, but I had/have cerebral palsy. As I never knew anything else, I wasn't so angry at my bod. Can't say that's good or bad, it's just how it was. My pre-SCI body was all I'd ever known. How could I detest me? I was a child. I didn't know better. LOL

                It took years for me to learn why I felt upset about my disability, but I realized I felt bad about myself when others were bothered by what they saw. I was really okay with me. With the azzhats of this world? Not so much.

                Enter incomplete tetraplegia in 1993. I got pizzy about that one, still do. I have days ranging from the good, the bad, to the very, unbelievably ugly.

                As I recently wrote, my life isn't bad. It's just very different from anything I'd have imagined.

                I seem to do better when I get outside myself, get out of my own head. My grey matter can be dangerous playground if I linger too long, become too self-absorbed. I'm returning to school, to classes on campus this week and it's great for me. I'm volunteering for a cause I believe in. I've adopted a new hobby ... The shutterbug has bitten me in the arse and I'm happily following my bliss, adaptive gear and all.

                If I feel dissatisfied, bored with life, I'm actually feeling that way about me. I cannot change much about my body, but I change what I can about the other parts of me. I've learned, am learning, those are the better parts of me.

                I'm 45, Leenie. Hit it in August. My only regret about this age is that I didn't know in my 20s what I know now. LOL It's likely that way for us all. IMO, 45 is a very good year.

                Hang in, hang on. Find what blisses hell out of you in life and go for it. If you don't know where your bliss lives, keep looking until you find it. Trust me. It's there somewhere.

                Didn't mean to write so much, but know this. You aren't alone in your feelings or your life. You never have to be alone again in either unless you choose to do so.

                Looking forward to you posts.

                MaryEllen

                Comment


                  #9
                  Welcome Leenie, glad you posted
                  Please donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org.
                  Copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

                  Thanks!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Thanks everyone for the welcome.

                    Mary Ellen,

                    What a lovely note thank you so much.

                    I think your right in that what bothers me is what people see. I've always been very self concious about my missing leg. I honestly think it makes me look like a freak.

                    I get people aying "Dear why don't you where an artificial leg my cousin, sister, brother, niece wears one and gets around so well. You'll be able to ditch that awful wheelchair dear"

                    I just cry and cry lately. I'm also having dreams about my accident.

                    Sorry I promise to be more positive.

                    Leenie

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Welcome to the forums Leenie, it sounds like you are just going through a mid life thing or something, I went through one a while back and am just snapping out of it now, Like you, I've been in chair a long time.
                      "Life is about how you
                      respond to not only the
                      challenges you're dealt but
                      the challenges you seek...If
                      you have no goals, no
                      mountains to climb, your
                      soul dies".~Liz Fordred

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by leenie
                        How as SCI affected you are you as emotional as me?

                        Leenie
                        I sure do get emotional at times. The only thing is, is that sometimes it's related to my sci and sometimes not. We are who we are and the sci just let's us see things in a different light. I think we all slip in and out of our pity party but the true survivor leaves the party for awhile before returning. Even ab's have their "emotional" upsets with where they are in life. Don't feel bad to feel bad just leave the party of one once in awhile and enjoy the other party.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Shannon
                          remember that EVERYONE has crap in their lives.
                          Indeed.

                          C.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Welcome Leenie. I can relate to the E&J Chinese steel w/c thing. "They" wait until I'm in my fifties to come out with decent chairs.

                            Just hang in there and the present crisis will pass.
                            "The world will not perish for want of wonders but for want of wonder."
                            J.B.S.Haldane

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by leenie
                              OMG!!!!!!

                              Shannon that looks like me in my first chair. An E&J tank. It really sucked growing up in that thing. I usually am more positive I don't know why things are really bothering me so much lately!
                              Can you believe we had to push ourselves around in those monsters? When the liightweight chairs came out, I didn't want to get one. I wanted to keep the old clunker. I was just being a stubborn teenager.

                              Perhaps you have a chemical imbalance and some meds could help. Might help you get through this period easier.

                              Comment

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