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  • Does it really get better?

    Seriously...................I want to say that's crazy, but after seeing everybody talking on this site it seems like there is some hope. Any advice on how to lighten the load for my family and I?
    Say what you mean and mean what you say because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

    My Myspace



  • #2
    My first piece of advice - go talk to Betheny She's your neighbor and fellow Okie who's up to speed on what you need.

    Good luck. Onward and upward.

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    • #3
      I have a confession. Although I am not SCI, my son is but you wanted an answer for you and your family. Here is mine. My son, Jesse, was paralyzed Dec. 14, 2002. I was sure our life was over. The sadness I felt was horrible. I couldnt imagine how I could keep living feeling that way. I wanted to die but knew that I had to "go on" because of Jesse, my husband and my other son. Three and a half years have past. I feel much, much better. I keep a journal. Last Christmas, 2005, I bought a new diary for 2006. I forwarded ahead in the new one to Christmas 2006 (this one coming up) and I wrote myself a note because I wanted to see how much I could change in one year. I am probably going to embarrass the hell out of myself but I want to let you know that it will get better. This is what I wrote to myself almost 8 months ago: Christmas, not ever going to be the same. Happy will never come. I want something good to happen to feel happy, even if only for a little bit. How long can a person live day by day sad, with the same thought going through your mind. Sadness all the time. Life sucks. I wish I could die sometimes. I wouldnt care if I die. Dont be sad" Oh my God. That was written 8 months ago. I read that a few days ago and I just cringed. I cant believe that I was that SAD. I know I was. It was a terrible time. But now, things are so much better. I dont have those awful, terrible days anymore. It just takes time. You just have to try and get through these first years. I promise. It will get better. You are right if you are thinking nothing is ever going to be the same. It cant ever be the same, but things will get better for you and your family.

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      • #4
        It really does get better... Don was injured May 2005 (T11complete) and came home from rehab on August 23, 2005. The first year has been challenging to say the least but things are getting better... either that or we are learning to chill out more... Don is stronger... I don't have to help out nearly as much and I can actually leave him for a few days without the associated guilt.

        Hang in there!

        Sieg

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        • #5
          Before it gets better, it will be horrendous for a while. Most of it will come from the unknown issues that will hit you up periodically/frequently. We talk about a ton of such issues here all the time. It will be stuff like peeing in your pants or having an unexpected bowel movement at an outing, not being able to access a building or a site, getting the dumb gas station attendant to recognize why they need to pour gas into your tank when they see the handicapped parking placard, dealing with urinary tract infections, pressure sores, frequent doctor checkups, all the sex stuff (and stupid stuff like dropping your pen on the floor three times) ... I could go on and on.

          But they're not anything insurmountable. They're merely new set of challenges requiring perseverance and determination to conquer. If you want to give up, then proceed to the nearest cliff and jump off of it. Or, you can draw strength, no matter how impossible the task might be, and convince yourself that it will all get better and you would be able to adapt with what you've been left with.

          In a sickening way, it's totally exhilarating to challenge yourself with overcoming all the obstacles that you will come across.

          But know that it will eventually get better only if you can convince yourself of that and to also manage your expectations and don't get into a habit of comparing and reliving your past.

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          • #6
            Just about everyone here will tell you it does get better including myself. Of course it's hard to believe when your just starting out but believe it since we have all been through and continue to go through the same things as you. It's not like some AB person telling you it will get better, these are the voices of experience talking.
            As far has hope goes you need to always have hope but don't let it consume you. You can't wait around for the cure or you'll miss the rest of your life. A friend of mine once asked me if I knew there would be a cure for SCI in 8 years what would I do differently? Are you going to sit around and waste the next eight years?
            Are there any support groups near you? Chris Chappell is right when he said go talk to Betheny.

            Comment


            • #7
              It'll get better friend. Just keep truckin' away, and the grief of your injury will pass.

              It'll be 20 years tomorrow, Aug 15 1986, since my injury. The first year or so was a bitch, but things have gotten better every year since then.

              Advice: Keep on hoping for a cure, do what you can to promote the cure, but live your life like a cure might not be coming. That will keep you grounded.

              Best of luck, keep coming here, for we are all your friends and we all know what you are going through.
              Please donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org.
              Copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

              Thanks!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by rdf
                Advice: Keep on hoping for a cure, do what you can to promote the cure, but live your life like a cure might not be coming. That will keep you grounded.
                Best advice I've heard in a long time.
                "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
                Winston Churchill

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                • #9
                  The first year is very hard

                  Especially with a higher level injury as yours, things will get a lot better, you will see. Keep trying to remain positive and hang in there.
                  "Life is about how you
                  respond to not only the
                  challenges you're dealt but
                  the challenges you seek...If
                  you have no goals, no
                  mountains to climb, your
                  soul dies".~Liz Fordred

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks for all the wonderful advice, it's so nice to have people relate to the situation. Thanks again, it means alot that there are people to talk too.
                    Say what you mean and mean what you say because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

                    My Myspace


                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Keep being you. Keep doing the things you love to do, to the best or your ability. Modify, adapt, do not accept no for an answer, get out their and live.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I can only speak for myself who has lived 29 years as

                        a SCI. It's up to you and only you. There's up's and down's but that is life for everyone. I've known AB's who were a lot worse off than I! You can have a very happy and fulfilling life. In my case, I didn 't fall into "why me" syndrome, drug/alcohol abuse or stay at home and "wait for a cure." Go out and experience life.

                        I consider being an SCI part of my journey in this life. Good or bad things happen for a reason. Good Luck Bud
                        Originally posted by GoTWHeeLs
                        Seriously...................I want to say that's crazy, but after seeing everybody talking on this site it seems like there is some hope. Any advice on how to lighten the load for my family and I?
                        Lynarrd Skynyrd Lives

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by GoTWHeeLs
                          it means alot that there are people to talk too.
                          hang around, keep posting, ask questions. these ppl feel like family to me, lol. anytime i need to know something, they're here for me.

                          an things get better as you adjust an become more comfortable doin things a lil different than ya did when you were able-bodied. that son of yours should make ya wanna keep goin strong. mine was 8 or 9 when i got hurt an i told myself i had to make it an let him know that daddy was gonna be here for the long haul, haha.

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                          • #14
                            looks like in your pics you've had a lotta "tubes"- i been there too. just keep going, don't let anyone tell you "no, you'll never be able to do this or that". we can overcome our greatest fears and challenges. and, I see it looks like your belief is allready on your side. so, your allready one step ahead of the game.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Lizbv
                              don't let anyone tell you "no, you'll never be able to do this or that".
                              EXACTLY!!!!!!!!

                              it actually pisses me off when somebody tries to tell me i can't do something. then i make it a point to show them that i can do it.

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