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What would you do?

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    What would you do?

    What would you do if your husband was 4 months post injury and his ghetto welfare sister wanted you to raise her 7 year old? Me? I want to. I want to make a difference in her life. We already have a 4 year old and 7 year old, but I feel we can make a difference in her life. I could go on and on about how awful her life is but in a nutshell, this 7 year olds loser mom sleeps on couches and partys constantly. she also just got out of jail and the kids dad is in jail. When this kid, Jocelynn, leaves my ouse she isn't going to her mom, but with some weird male relative.... I know this is a lot for me to take on , and truthfully, the kids a brat but it isn't her fault. She is used to walking around partying all day with her mom.

    Anyway, I could go on and on, but in a nutshell, that is where I am tonight. With a lonely hopeless 7 year old who is tucked into bed after a day of swimming, bike riding and getting stuff from the ice cream man. Now I have to take her to a zero bedroom trailer to live with her jailbirds dad's male cousin?...

    What would you do?!!?!

    I am editing this to say that I know my hands are full and of course MIke has his plate full, and I am not a fool, but this is a kid and I just feel so bad for her....
    Last edited by ChopperChick; 2 Aug 2006, 1:20 AM.

    Sounds like it may be a wonderful thing for you to do for her, and possibly could save her from abuse, but don't overextend yourself, or you may lose more than you expect. I have a friend who took over a nephew like that, and the boy turned out very well, as well as did their own 2 kids. Make sure you can take care of Jocelynn as well as Mike and your own kids - this girl would likely need special attention from time to time. How would your children feel about it? How do they get along with the girl? Are they good friends? Involve them in the decision-making - if you can make it "their decision" that will ease things for them (and you) a lot in the future. What about Mike - what does he think? If the decision isn't unanimous, you could be in for a lot of stress.
    Best of luck, and may your decision work out well.
    - Richard


      Hey Chopper. You had recently said you wanted another child. Think you just got your wish!

      Would your niece's parents make it legal or would this be temporary?

      What does Mike say about it?

      If he's up for it, too, then go for it.


        Im thinking if Mike is ok with it and you think you can do it. Go for it. You have a heart of gold CC. Just don't over extend yourself. I feel for the poor kid. Her mother should be taken out behind the shed and given a nice dose of "hickory tea" as my granny used to call it. People shouldnt have kids if they dont intend to take care of them. I would want to make it legal if I were you. It would be hard on the little girl if her mom could just come take her whenever she felt like it. It would put alot of stress on you too already dealing with everything else you have been going through. I hope everything works out for the best.....good luck.
        T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

        My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown


          It would probably mean the world to her.


            I agree with what Daisy said....if you do take her into your home, FOR HER PROTECTION, you need to get legal guardianship of her. When you do this, the legal guardianship may also help to provide things such as Medicaid services and possibly even food stamps.
            L-1 inc 11/24/03

            "My Give-a-Damn's Busted"......


              I think if your family is up to it and you don't think this girls behavior will hurt your kids. Then I think you should go for it, because if you don't you might end up regreting it latter.

              The other thing you must think about are you the right person to raise this girl. I've seen many kids like her growing up. And the ones that seem to do well were the ones that grew up in very strict household. The others seemed to take advantage of the situation and became troubled teens. Good luck!


                Regardless of whether or not you take this child in or just spend time with her (which it sounds like she needs from someone), do not talk about her mother and father in reference to your first post, (ghetto welfare looser). To vent abut her parents were she cannot hear is fine but do not do it around her, or the other kids. She will learn about them and make her own decisions about them. To bash a child’s parents can devastate the child, they are a part of who she is and she may feel like you are bashing her also when you say those things. I am not implying you have done this just cautioning because I have experienced it from both personal and professional experience, please be careful.
                The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. ~ Don Juan Matus
                We are Virginia Tech… We must laugh again… No one deserves a tragedy… We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid…We are better than we think and not quit what we want to be…We are the Hokies…We will prevail, we will prevail, we will prevail. We ARE Virginia Tech! ~ Nikki Giovanni


                  I would never parent bash in front of her!! I spend quite a bit of time telling her how much her parents love her but that things are hard for them right now. Last night we were eating dinner and out of the blue she said " I am going to miss my mom a little when she dies".... She shocked us all.

                  Anyway, after much thought, I am sending her to her maternal grandmother today. My kids start school MOnday. She starts in a few weeks. If she doesn't hae a stable place at that time, I will bring her back here and enroll her in school etc. That will be a chore. Her mom says she lost all her shot records, birth certificate etc. I suppose she could just transfer schools thought since the other one had all that info at one time.

                  We wnt out to a simple sinner last night "Dennys" and it was like Disneyland for her. She had been asking for Denny's since Mike mentioned it last Saturday. Also, It broke my heart last night watching her lay in bed in a strawberry shortcake blanket watching "Aquamarine". Just like a 7 year old shoud be doing. Made me wonder when she would feel that comfortable again. Mike's mom will take her and she is fantastic with kids but, she will not keep her so these next few weeks we'll see how things pan out....

                  Thanks for the advice you guys.


                    go for it

                    Its amazing what a little bit of stability can do for a child. I am also in the same situation as you except my choice has been made already and while its a struggle i do not regret it at all. Here is my situation a person i know has 3 kids, 1 died due to unknown reasons (munchousen by proxy has been discussed) 1 is living with her father and the other child was going from couch to couch with her mom untill i asked mom to let her stay with me for a few days. well mom saw that as an opportunity to party so she said yes quickly. i had mom sign and notarize a paper that says i have guardianship and she has lived with me for the past 3 months. during this time mom has been in an out of psych wards and has had several romances. thankfully the child has not had to experience any of that. Mom had her on a lethal dose of antipsychotic meds wheni got her and due to no prescription bottles i discontinued all meds, talked to her psych, and we decided all of teh childs issues were due to enviroment. i am happy to say that while we do still have some small behavior issues we have no need for meds ect. mom has decided she will stay with me and john for ATLEAST a year. If she gets her act together and becomes stabile she will become her fulltime mom again, if not we will keep her indefinately. I wish you guys teh best of luck, and if you ever need anything please feel free to email or im me at anytime!



                      Becky, I'm so glad you and John can do this for the little girl. You are giving her a lifelong gift even if she stays with you for only a year.

                      The best to the three of you.