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  • #91
    Scraper: "Dead On" comment

    Originally posted by Scaper1 View Post
    Yes, very sorry Tim.

    Just to add, I don't feel particularly suicidal until caregiver issues rear their ugly head, as they always do. Nothing quite brings your helplessness and dependence into sharper focus than that "oh sorry I can't make it to work" email.
    No pun intended

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    • #92
      After a brief respite and feedback from our respected moderators at CC, a thumbs up/thumbs down POLL based on the pros/cons issues going on in my life would, pursuant to their thinking, would be in poor taste.
      Do others here agree with this?
      Do we need a poll on a poll?

      Comment


      • #93
        Tim, I am so fortunate to be an incomplete C5/6 and only have to deal with neuropathic burning pain. Our SCI experiences are 1000% different. The only way I can partially grasp what you go through is because I was on a vent for a short time.

        I want you to share your feelings and what is on your mind, but a poll is a no-go brother.

        Comment


        • #94
          Jim,
          What, No poll allowed for a poll to decide on having a poll to weigh the ups and downs on the ups and downs?
          How about conducting a poll vis-a-vis innuendo?
          It's too big of a decision I think just for a single person.
          But I accept the CC rule of law.

          Comment


          • #95
            Originally posted by Tim C. View Post
            Jim,
            What, No poll allowed for a poll to decide on having a poll to weigh the ups and downs on the ups and downs?
            How about conducting a poll vis-a-vis innuendo?
            It's too big of a decision I think just for a single person.
            But I accept the CC rule of law.
            I've said this before it is your life, only you can decide whether it is worth continuing on with it, it might be a big decision but only you can make it. There are a number of exit forums if you want to discuss it with like minded others and much as I respect anyone who takes that decision as I know that I will I don't think basing it on a vote in a cure forum would be one I'd pursue.

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            • #96
              I'm sure we all fear death. Some more than others. But a lot of times this life feels harder than oblivion. The mental stress is enough; trying to sort out losing so much of many, many years. All for this? Feel like a fuckin science experiment somedays. Everything is uncomfortable still. Even sitting down is awkward as hell without any core muscles and adding in pain.

              No cure or fix seems anywhere near. Most likely we are stuck this way for life. Broken bodies and well aware of how it used to be. People can only take so much. Some more than others...no judgement here. This new, SCI-world definitely takes more than it gives.

              Comment


              • #97
                Originally posted by Jim View Post
                Tim, I am so fortunate to be an incomplete C5/6 and only have to deal with neuropathic burning pain. Our SCI experiences are 1000% different. The only way I can partially grasp what you go through is because I was on a vent for a short time.

                I want you to share your feelings and what is on your mind, but a poll is a no-go brother.
                Im an Asia A and I have unending very substantial nerve pain, literally feels like my legs are on fire at the moment and sharp pieces of glass stabbing my arms has gotten worse courtesy of a cyst on my spinal cord. not that is different from any other second before hand just saying. The nerve pain just gets completely overshadowed by my chart topping extremely violent constant spasm's AND spasticity ( I have both) and my minimum five times a day or more bouts of severe autonomic dysreflexia that is undiagnosable and untreatable (evidently not a normal response). Why am I starting the self-pity bullshit, plain and simple to emphasize the whole only incompletes have nerve pain is absolute horseshit. But what is scientifically proven is incompletes have more function, more sensation, better quality of life, far less secondary complications ( ironically this includes synrix s) both in number and severity,and if they're lucky enough to recover quite well the cost of living with their disability can be drastically reduced, not to mention give them a lot more privacy and freedom, all depends. Needless to say nerve pain is more than worth it,and of little consequence compared to other options/scenarios.
                Last edited by JamesMcM; 11-14-2016, 03:22 AM.

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                • #98
                  Originally posted by Denied2016 View Post
                  I'm sure we all fear death. Some more than others. But a lot of times this life feels harder than oblivion. The mental stress is enough; trying to sort out losing so much of many, many years. All for this? Feel like a fuckin science experiment somedays. Everything is uncomfortable still. Even sitting down is awkward as hell without any core muscles and adding in pain.

                  No cure or fix seems anywhere near. Most likely we are stuck this way for life. Broken bodies and well aware of how it used to be. People can only take so much. Some more than others...no judgement here. This new, SCI-world definitely takes more than it gives.
                  Well first we would have to know what oblivion is and what it's like to come to that conclusion! On this topic we often get ahead of ourselves, it's human nature really. I always get a good chuckle when THE person comes out and says "dying is the cowards way out " there's always at least one who says something along thous lines; oh that says so much about them...

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                  • #99
                    Originally posted by Oddity View Post
                    What's there to talk about? If you want to kill yourself, do it. If you want to have a commiserating circle-jerk, get a therapist. If you want to be talked out of it, call a hot-line. Not very complicated.
                    Your touchiness on this subject never ceases to amaze me. Still with that mentality, if only it was that simple.?

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Tim C. View Post
                      Denied: very thoughtful


                      Oddity: obvious it hasn?t impacted your life, that?s a good thing, you should be grateful.

                      My question is basically, when you evaluate your life, your continuous struggle, the drain in resources needed to keep you going with so little you?re able to give back because your injury/ pain is so severe your quality of life consists of the 4 hour process of getting you up, you sitting idle (just existing) in the chair for ten hours at c4 level, without caregiver to assist you in accomplishing goals, no family available or interested in helping you accomplish goals or contribute in any meaningful way, to have two meals put in front of you each day that you try your level best not to spill on yourself or keyboard, and then initiate the process to return to bed, sleep until pain awakens you, Lather-Rinse-Repeat
                      Meanwhile you go thru caregivers like blu-chux, your wife of 30+years fills in to help in-between caregivers making it clear she?s doing you a "favor? and is otherwise sick of the whole past 15 years of sci intrusion to our lives, makes it clear your high level sci was the cause of family discord, including the death of son (aka) best friend in life due to OD, family savings depleted to the dreaded caregivers invading our home, and now your mere continued existence stands in the way of her wanting to sell your home to move and start anew in different state. You?re invited to go to the next home albeit the home you need and the home she wants are diametrically opposite. So you clearly don?t fit. That said, the network you took years to develop for your care is hanging in jeopardy if you move.
                      So yeah, there?s a bit more to the ?is it still worth it? discussion.
                      I completely hear you, eventually for people that are fully dependent and have to pay for everything that include showering pissing shitting, getting a glass of water etc one way or another you have to pay for it in this kind of situation it can become kind of a logistics thing. But to be fair you can't expect paraplegics or even incomplete injuries Who made decent recovery to understand this (I find it absolutely hysterical that lower injuries get defensive about this kind of remark's but it's just simple fact,if anything they should be happy ) you cannot possibly understand the implications unless you live it every day for quite some time it takes years to get the full picture. It's amusing when people just say oh why don't you get out more. they just can't possibly understand the scenario where it's not remotely that simple, and even if you do accomplishing something it's a one off thing, not something that you can enjoy on a regular basis. And then other times they say where is your strength, where is your resilience, often I let them remain ignorant but in reality all those things are irrelevant because we lack even the most minimum of physical requirements to take advantage of something like "Determination or resilience". In these kinds of scenarios a more relevant hope is a caregiver or friends generosity how much someone is willing to contribute and if it's affordable so you can at least take advantage of it semi-regularly. As time goes on sustainability becomes a serious concern. Keep in mind that in these kind of depended lifestyles the few limited options that are available rest entirely on how much you can afford to pay for "assistance" in order to participate; as the resources dwindle and/or income remains at best average only allowing so much spending the walls of reality start closing in. of course people don't understand that, how could they. It's kind of funny in an extremely depressing way but to so many people with spinal cord injury, bedtimes are not even a realized implication of their injury Haha fuck.

                      Just like people who handle most of their caregiving don't understand the ugly almost mechanical indignity of having people handle The ugly stuff. It's like a daily assembly line of complete shame The most you can do is just remain blank as people go to work on you; Hahaha I literally laughed it's just so wrong that it's become funny at this point, modern medicine for you freedom, dignity, individuality, principles last thing to worry about

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Oddity View Post
                        Can I get in on this commiserating circle-jerk?

                        President. Fucking. Trump.

                        I can deal with SCI, but THIS is too much.

                        Let's strap ourselves into our chairs, and take a long roll off a short pier.

                        Who's with me?!?!

                        haha my god this tread, oddity have some self-respect and integrity you are in no way shape or form remotely qualified to make condescending remarks to C4 injuries you literally know nothing you are sitting in a place quite literally pretty much as luxurious as an able-bodied person. I don't know what kind of fulfilment you get for being a condescending smart ass but you are coming from a place of total ignorance complete and utter ignorance.

                        But let's be honest it's not just about getting a kick for you or a way of solidification of your little superiority complex. You are on these kind of threads like white on rice, every single time! and not to talk it's always with a pathetic attempt at condescending. Guess what buddy to anyone that truly understands the situations you do not come off as tough or strong or any kind of positive trait when you talk like this to injuries above the C5 vertebrae from the position of a very low paraplegic injury. It's fucking cringe worthy man. Not all disabilities are as simplistic as yours, you have literally stated multiple times that suicide is nothing more than a choice and everyone is capable of doing it lmfao how does it feel to live in a world of rainbows and chocolate rivers?? My mother isn't as delusional as you in a palpable attempt to preserve her optimism. My goodness, you need to take a roll through a complex neurological Grouphome and see some of the actual serious diseases and disabilities stroke so bad all they can do is move their eyes and drool, Alzheimer's so bad they just stare at the ceiling and every now and then attempt to scream like banshees, Trumatic brain injury's etc. and yes severe and high cervical spinal injuries included sometimes secondary complications of the accident make them unable to breathe and even communicate being fed through the rib cage slowly deteriorating their kidneys. I know a injury similar to mine right now but autonomic dysreflexia is so unexplainably severe for him he can't get out of the hospital because he can't stop going Dysreflexic and they don't know why it can be so bad they can cause him to break out into seizures , His age is The only reason AD hasn't finished him off; to be honest I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, in my eyes a bad thing. Sci is far too vague of a term, but that kind of bullshit is pretty common in modern medicine. My father was recently diagnosed with skin cancer, but don't worry it was very early on and basically he just had to get equivalent of a few moles scraped off his face it's fine, but imagine if he started saying well "cancer is cancer" and started preaching at people with leukaemia , Pancreatic cancer etc well that would make him a fucking idiot, you are doing something very similar!

                        Comment


                        • I still get them after 20 years, but there's nothing I can do about it. Considering my injury level C 3 completely dependent on people for every day function. It is mostly when I get bad news. Just work through them. Tomorrow is another day and it's going to get better. I was told in 1996, possibly a cure. Seven years. Well, I'm still here. Good family, good friends, go to Myrtle Beach. Every summer. Just make the best of it. This too shall pass.
                          keiffer66

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by JamesMcM View Post
                            haha my god this tread, oddity have some self-respect and integrity you are in no way shape or form remotely qualified to make condescending remarks to C4 injuries you literally know nothing you are sitting in a place quite literally pretty much as luxurious as an able-bodied person. I don't know what kind of fulfilment you get for being a condescending smart ass but you are coming from a place of total ignorance complete and utter ignorance.

                            But let's be honest it's not just about getting a kick for you or a way of solidification of your little superiority complex. You are on these kind of threads like white on rice, every single time! and not to talk it's always with a pathetic attempt at condescending. Guess what buddy to anyone that truly understands the situations you do not come off as tough or strong or any kind of positive trait when you talk like this to injuries above the C5 vertebrae from the position of a very low paraplegic injury. It's fucking cringe worthy man. Not all disabilities are as simplistic as yours, you have literally stated multiple times that suicide is nothing more than a choice and everyone is capable of doing it lmfao how does it feel to live in a world of rainbows and chocolate rivers?? My mother isn't as delusional as you in a palpable attempt to preserve her optimism. My goodness, you need to take a roll through a complex neurological Grouphome and see some of the actual serious diseases and disabilities stroke so bad all they can do is move their eyes and drool, Alzheimer's so bad they just stare at the ceiling and every now and then attempt to scream like banshees, Trumatic brain injury's etc. and yes severe and high cervical spinal injuries included sometimes secondary complications of the accident make them unable to breathe and even communicate being fed through the rib cage slowly deteriorating their kidneys. I know a injury similar to mine right now but autonomic dysreflexia is so unexplainably severe for him he can't get out of the hospital because he can't stop going Dysreflexic and they don't know why it can be so bad they can cause him to break out into seizures , His age is The only reason AD hasn't finished him off; to be honest I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, in my eyes a bad thing. Sci is far too vague of a term, but that kind of bullshit is pretty common in modern medicine. My father was recently diagnosed with skin cancer, but don't worry it was very early on and basically he just had to get equivalent of a few moles scraped off his face it's fine, but imagine if he started saying well "cancer is cancer" and started preaching at people with leukaemia , Pancreatic cancer etc well that would make him a fucking idiot, you are doing something very similar!
                            Yes, James, I have been for years, and I will continue to be, a thorn in the side of 'suicide' threads. I don't think they have any merit, whatsoever. Not on a site dedicated to cure advocacy and caring for folks with SCI. I want anyone that wants to kill themselves to do it, and end their suffering, or seek professional help. Defeatism runs against the mission of this wonderful and helpful site. That is my opinion, I will continue to advocate it. It has nothing to do with whether or not I can relate to being a 'quad'. People want to die for all kinds of reasons. Suicide is suicide. The 'para vs quad' temper tantrum is just your go-to red-herring whenever you don't get the right kind of attention.

                            eta: So, I decided to go back and read your whole post, which I rarely do, and saw you mentioned cancer. I've been through a stage 3 bout myself, with less than 15% chance to live. Just passed my 5th year and entered the 'survivor' population.
                            Last edited by Oddity; 11-14-2016, 10:25 AM.
                            "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

                            "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Oddity View Post
                              Yes, James, I have been for years, and I will continue to be, a thorn in the side of 'suicide' threads. I don't think they have any merit, whatsoever. Not on a site dedicated to cure advocacy and caring for folks with SCI. I want anyone that wants to kill themselves to do it, and end their suffering, or seek professional help. Defeatism runs against the mission of this wonderful and helpful site. That is my opinion, I will continue to advocate it. It has nothing to do with whether or not I can relate to being a 'quad'. People want to die for all kinds of reasons. Suicide is suicide. The 'para vs quad' temper tantrum is just your go-to red-herring whenever you don't get the right kind of attention.

                              eta: So, I decided to go back and read your whole post, which I rarely do, and saw you mentioned cancer. I've been through a stage 3 bout myself, with less than 15% chance to live. Just passed my 5th year and entered the 'survivor' population.
                              You are very lucky to be at an injury level where you don't question the value of your life every day, your lack of comprehension isn't down to luck it's stupidity or ignorance. Many high level quads go through the dilemma and want to discuss their existence with others suffering the same totally dependent life, you'll never grasp that so why bother commenting in threads like this? You don't understand, have nothing to contribute to any discussion other than "do it or shut up" hardly the kind of support anyone needs.

                              As I pointed out earlier in this thread you can visit exit forums if you really want to get more feedback and you are right this is a care/cure forum the care bit includes those struggling with a total loss of independence and being completely reliant upon others so whatever they are going through needs support. You are obviously incapable of that so I'd respectfully suggest you simply refrain from posting until you can get a better understanding on subjects you know nothing about.

                              Many who have struggled with this problem can't discuss with loved ones or when they do it is to beg for their help. I never thought that I would beg my wife to switch a vent off but have done so, maybe when you get to that point in life start to reread suicide discussions and help provide support whilst remaining neutral.

                              You haven't had the experience of professional health have you? I was forced to do it whilst in hospital and asking for the vent to be switched off, had to discuss with 2 psychologists one of whom decided that I hadn't had enough time to adapt. It tends to put you off seeking such "help" again.

                              The para/quad debate is real, I'm sure many on here see their injury with no understanding of what higher levels go through. James sees it in the same way I do and I'm guessing many other high level quads.

                              Comment


                              • i dont have SCI, but the thought of suicide has gone through my head at different times. I have a wife and 2 kids, and for the most part they are what keep me going. my disease is terminal and i am not expected to live past my mid 30's or so (i'm turning 35 this year) but i want my sons to know that I stuck around as long as I could. but there are other timeswhen being so dependent makes me feel like I'm doing them more harm than good, I feel guilty about how expensive my care is, and about how every dollar that gets spent on visiting nurses, equipment, and expensive medication, is a dollar that isn't getting put in the savings account. You cant put a price tag on a mom getting more time with her son, or kids getting more time with their Dad......but it's hard not to think like that sometimes. i often wonder....what can I teach my son about being a man when my mother gives me sponge baths every day? I'm never going to be able to visit his school on "career day" and talk about my career, because being on disability isn't really a career

                                i do agree with others that think there is a need to discuss these thoughts,because i think there are peope who do suffer from them and i think it can be helpful to hear from others who havegone through it..

                                i am not pro assisted suicide.. i am a traditional roman catholic,so ths sort of thing is against my religion. however,in our faith we have the concept of "extraordinary care" and "ordinary care" so ordinary care would be stuff like food,water,oxygen, basic meds and extraordinary care would be stuff like transplants, mechanical ventilation, dialysis,chemo etc. so in our faith we are not required to opt for extraordinary care,and it is licit to do things like stop dialysis, or end mechanical ventilation. I've been on dialysis for almost 16 years and i'verecently gotten a trach and am using a ventilator,but am not fully vent dependent.

                                so from the moral standpoint of my faith, at any point i can be like "f*** this i'm going on hospice" and go through the paperwork to stop dialysis...and this is not really considered sinful,iam just allowing my body to die naturally. and i have had sucha love hate relationship with dialysis over the years. it's a weird grey area to be in and every day is a conscious choice to live

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