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    #61
    I think that if I had a method and a plan for suicide, I would think about it less, because I'd know the option is there should the time come that I believe it's my best course of action. Because I haven't been able to figure out a way, I think about it more than I would otherwise.
    Alan

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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      #62
      Originally posted by alan
      I think that if I had a method and a plan for suicide, I would think about it less, because I'd know the option is there should the time come that I believe it's my best course of action. Because I haven't been able to figure out a way, I think about it more than I would otherwise.
      When someone broke into my apartment (20 years ago) I was really pissed off that they stole my .38 Special snubby. I felt as they they robbed me of my choice to check out at will. I soon replaced it and felt better just knowing that I still had the option. The assholes stole my cable box, reefer and Valiums too but those items weren't nearly as important to me.

      So I know what you're talking about Alan.
      "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

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        #63
        Jukespin: Based on your sci tenure, obviously it is you that....

        ....deserves the recognition and respect around here. Son of a B, you're amongst the most determined of us to stick life out. I should get my mentoring from you!
        Though we're guilty of stealing CRIPPLY'S thread, our subplot is still related, just oppositely. Besides, we're all on the same side.
        Only, should a cure come to be, and you so wisely didn't hold your breath for it, I will personally drag you through the rigors of recovery. Screw the too-far- gone BS, your inherent determination will respond on automatic pilot. You're a needed icon here.

        My sarcasm is meant to be taken at face value only. It's just a defense mechanism of my twisted online and offline personality as the result of my 'crash' course on the medical profession since sci.

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          #64
          Originally posted by Tim C.
          ....deserves the recognition and respect around here. Son of a B, you're amongst the most determined of us to stick life out. I should get my mentoring from you!
          Though we're guilty of stealing CRIPPLY'S thread, our subplot is still related, just oppositely. Besides, we're all on the same side.
          Only, should a cure come to be, and you so wisely didn't hold your breath for it, I will personally drag you through the rigors of recovery. Screw the too-far- gone BS, your inherent determination will respond on automatic pilot. You're a needed icon here.

          My sarcasm is meant to be taken at face value only. It's just a defense mechanism of my twisted online and offline personality as the result of my 'crash' course on the medical profession since sci.


          Really though, from earlier in the thread:
          http://carecure.org/forum/showthread.php?t=61461&page=4 #s 39 & 40:

          Originally Posted by carbar
          "I can't go on. But I must. So I will."
          This is a line from Samuel Beckett, an irish writer.
          I haven't actually contemplated details of my own suicide, but very regularly contemplate death as an escape, or think about simply giving up. My dad's phrase for it was "I wish I could jump up and never come down".
          When I get these feelings, I think too of Beckett's line to keep me going. It seems so simple on the surface of it. The obligation of "But I must" is really an obligation to myself, my former self, not to anyone else. I must keep going for myself, I got this far, and only if I continue will I find out the rest.
          This so perfectly expresses the bottom line most positive reason I continue: there are always so many fascinating things breaking on the horizon that I want to be here to see them. Regardless of whatever physical limitations I have and in spite of all but the most excruciating pain, I can perceive and want to keep on expanding my perception. It is as simple as that.

          Thanks, carbar.
          I'm in agreement with your statment about the topic though; but this is the topic!
          "Sometimes I just sets and thinks...
          and sometimes I just sets.
          "

          Otis Redding I think

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            #65
            For myself I do believe that sometimes someones inviroment can be better for detearing depression. A nice family, loving parents and relatives goes a long ways. Sometimes a smile and a friendly face can do wonders. Just having someone that gives a damn you know?

            I dont want the "way out" laying around my house. LOL. No way Jose'
            “If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking.” Gen. Patton

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              #66
              agreed. the exwife and the environment she created really made boog's bipolar episodes much more severe. he still has episodes, but not nearly as dramatic as they once were. the first year we were together i didn't know if I could do it, but I kept telling myself "if he can deal with all the crap of my injury (6 mos post) then I can put up with the manic-depressive episodes."
              http://official-linerider.com/index.html

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                #67
                i admit, haven't read any of this thread beyond the topic. because after 20 yrs of sci, PAIN and now 13 yr old son i'm ready to toss in the towel. not die, but quit job, sell house, find good home for kid and just sit somewhere with my books until it's over. cause i just can't take any more.

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                  #68
                  Hugs Cass. I wish I could give you time for your books, time with your thirteen year old less all the other stress that might be taking away from that (and yeah time away when you just need some time alone), time without pain and all that I am imagining would make you write as such.
                  "I want to make a difference! However small it may be~ as long as it's a positive one, then this is what my life will have been about and I will go knowing I did my best.~ T.

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                    #69
                    Originally posted by cass
                    i admit, haven't read any of this thread beyond the topic. because after 20 yrs of sci, PAIN and now 13 yr old son i'm ready to toss in the towel. not die, but quit job, sell house, find good home for kid and just sit somewhere with my books until it's over. cause i just can't take any more.
                    I'm really sorry to hear this, Cass. As we see over and over, members who's posts project strength, insight and wit can be suffering with huge problems; we all work so hard to keep the personas bright and shiney.

                    Silver linings?, I don't think so for a lifetime SCI, but you've got to know that: "This too will pass." I do hope the best for you; you contribute something unique and valuable to us all.
                    "Sometimes I just sets and thinks...
                    and sometimes I just sets.
                    "

                    Otis Redding I think

                    Comment


                      #70
                      I agree with "busy"

                      I've always kept the fight in the back of my mind. I try to ask myself not "What can the cure do for me?" but rather "What can I do for the cure?"

                      But I set small physical goals for myself. Tiny, achievable goals. For instance, I want to make my leg spasm ten times before I go to sleep at night.

                      If you can gain control of your leg spasms, then for a few moments, you can free stand with a walker, can't you. Sit on your beg, and make your legs spasm...use your upper body for assistance. Can you make it voluntary?

                      There are many members of this forum that are proactive in cure organizations. What did I do this week for the cure? Well, I donated $5 to the Democratic party.

                      So in other words, I just don't "hope." Because hoping makes me depressed
                      Eric Texley

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                        #71
                        Originally posted by cass
                        i admit, haven't read any of this thread beyond the topic. because after 20 yrs of sci, PAIN and now 13 yr old son i'm ready to toss in the towel. not die, but quit job, sell house, find good home for kid and just sit somewhere with my books until it's over. cause i just can't take any more.
                        Cass .. I'm sorry to hear this, but we are all entitled to our bad days and bad thoughts. Whenever I'm having a particularly bad day, I think about you ... quadra AND working full time AND raising a teenager. That's mentor material for the rest of us. Hope today seems better.
                        Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                        T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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                          #72
                          ty for all your kind words. been feeling this way for a while, tho. just seems like my reservoir of energy is used up.

                          lynnifer, when you said "mentor material" i'm quite positive you meant to say "mental material."

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                            #73
                            Hello,
                            I'm in a bit of a rut. I have been injured for over 20 years. The first 15 years weren't so bad even though the level is a 2/3 - 3/4 C. So what has changed, I have nerve damage on my entire left side. It seems to be spreading to my groin area. My neck has become an issue as well, it's curved too much one way. My organs have had a rough go with infections and other issues. I do have two parents that are good caregivers... But I'm constantly thinking of death and suicide. My parents are aware of this and say can't live without you..
                            Thanks for listening,
                            Brian
                            "Life's a Party and Your Not Invited"

                            Comment


                              #74
                              Sounds like you're going through a tough time. Noticing that your parents may be getting older and whether they can still care for you. Perhaps you are thinking of the future and so just suggesting that there might be someone to discuss your feelings, concerns. A friend, relative, someone you can confide in. There may be some medical issues to deal with.
                              In short, please consider reaching out to someone. Parents, naturally, would be difficult to talk to if you are experiencing depression.

                              Comment


                                #75
                                Let's talk suicide, nothing held back.
                                We have a right to express our feelings on anything here yes?

                                Is there free and open discussion permitted?
                                Or are we poopooed and posts get deleted?
                                Last edited by SCI-Nurse; 4 Nov 2016, 7:11 AM.

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