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  • #31
    Originally posted by Christopher Paddon
    I disagree - I think the suicidal thoughts should go away when some sort of adjustment is made to the injury and/or depression goes away.

    If you have strong suicidal feelings it may be wise to be treated for depression as a safety precaution.
    I speak as someone who was probably clinically depressed prior to injury, dealing with sexual orientation, teen peers, etc.

    I don't think suicidal thoughts necessarily lead to attempts. I have NEVER attempted suicide and I've struggled with depression since the onset of puberty and my SCI injury happened over eight years ago.

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by Cherrylips
      I think the whole 'acceptance' thing is BS. Everyone has the basic right to their health. Living to the max until things turn up for us I agree with. And they will turn up, unless you're 75 odd!
      Agreed.

      Comment


      • #33
        Hi Cripply,

        I'm wondering if you could benefit most from focusing on your physical strength. I'm handicapped in advising you here by not knowing the extent of your bodily injuried from the car trauma beyond the sci but, at nine months post, the body will still be repairing itself if you sustained such massive injuries that you cannot function as a full functioning T11-12 para (my level, btw).

        Quote:
        And BTW, I don´t know how y´all are so strong and get back into your chairs. I´m jealous!!
        At T11 you should be able to build up your strength to the point of being able to get back in your chair, especially if you were tall and have proportionatly long arms. Arm length is very important in adapting to this disability.

        I'm 62 now and have been able to get myself back into my chair with straight lifts since finishing rehab at the Rusk institute in NYC some 44 years ago. OK, I'm a guy and we have much greater arm strength than the female of the species, but even so, you should be able to do it with a "belly crawl" approach or use anything handy to assist the effort short of taking chances that could hurt you. Try putting aside at least an hour and a half each day on some matts with dumbbells and maybe some spring based stuff like Theraband (which comes in at least six different strength/resistence ratings). Break up the exercise sessions if necessary but work each time to achieve and sustain a level of exertion that leaves you good and sweaty. If you can get there in ten to fifteen minutes and sustain that level throughout the session you will be making good progress and will benefit from the endorphins the exercise produces in your bloodstream; a "runners high".

        If you end a session once a week with an attempt to get back into your chair unassisted, you will make it eventually and the feeling of achievement and independence you get will go a long way toward offsetting your feelings of helplessness and depression.

        I hope I haven't been barking up the wrong tree with this; that you can now or eventually use your body well enough to make it work and get stronger. It's all I can think of for now except: don't give up. You can survive and find meaning and rewards in your life again.
        __________________

        A lot more basic science research is needed for that. But let´s not tell people so funding keeps on coming and future generations can benefit from it.
        Peace
        This thoughtfulness and compassion for others is proof that you are strong and decent and will come to a place of acceptance and relative peace with the facts of your life with whatever limitations you have.
        Last edited by jukespin; 04-13-2006, 01:17 AM.
        "Sometimes I just sets and thinks...
        and sometimes I just sets.
        "

        Otis Redding I think

        Comment


        • #34
          Myco is on my friends list on another website. Someone on his page commented on April 6th 2006, and said they had talked to him, and his internet time was very limited at the present moment... I have not been in contact with him ... So this is all the help I can be...

          Comment


          • #35
            I dont think I ever got to the suicide stage of depression, but often wondered if my family woulda been better off ifn I had just fallen to the bottom of the tank instead of pulling myself outta it. I guess there's always gonna be a corner of the mind that is occupied by these demons,especially when days go bad, a string of events keep busting on ya, and you wonder jus when is this Hellbound train gonna slow down enuff to jump from. There are times when only so much stuff can be dealt with. Rhino has the right thinking of jus get up and get after it for another day.

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            • #36
              i'm almost 4 years post and think about it daily i actually didn't start thnking about it til recently. but i think of things that i look forward to. to keep me controlled like going to greece seeing my little sister grow up, mostly i wouldnt do it for the pain of my family i've already put them through alot. i also spend alot of time online so i dont keep thinking of things, and now i'm gonna try to move out and be more independant see if that helps because i've been living with my family since my accident and i'm 24

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              • #37
                I have what I believe to be a T4 injury.

                I felt suicidal for a few weeks after injury. I was in agony and I thought my life was over. A wheelchair had not occured to me - I thought I would be in bed forever.
                At first, I hadn't realized that I was paralyzed. It was only after emergency surgery that it began to sink in that this was not mere numbness - it was nothingness.
                At the spinal unit, I was given antidepressants, which I was desperate for. I thought of nothing but wanting to die, and could not stop crying.
                But as the pain reduced, and I began to realize that I would not always be bed bound, I began to feel better. I think the medication helped too.

                I am still on this medication, but am currently weaning myself off it.
                I think generally I cope as well as I can with my injury.
                The one thing I find extremely hard to deal with is the loss of sexual function.
                I am still devastated about that. I try not to think about it, but it's difficult. If anything, it gets more difficult with time.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by yiannit
                  i'm almost 4 years post and think about it daily i actually didn't start thnking about it til recently. but i think of things that i look forward to. to keep me controlled like going to greece seeing my little sister grow up, mostly i wouldnt do it for the pain of my family i've already put them through alot. i also spend alot of time online so i dont keep thinking of things, and now i'm gonna try to move out and be more independant see if that helps because i've been living with my family since my accident and i'm 24
                  Yiannit. That's it somedays.....something to look forward to. Simple as that. This week was bad - my wife went away for a few days, was working from home, had some issues with work relating to my disability and was depressed at seeing no-one but a PCA at 7am and again at 10pm.

                  By Wednesday I was googling the tablets I had in the house to see what they would do to me if I chugged them all with a bottle of JD - make my stomach lining bleed like f*ck apparently.

                  I realised it's actually pretty hard to commit suicide 100% effectively, even harder for a quad, and also realised I haven't got the stones for an effective push into a canal or under a train. I would still take that hypothetical, painless button I could push somedays but, today, I feel better. I've got a friend coming over to watch movies and drink beer and a few days off work to clear my head of deadlines.

                  I know, deep down that I haven't started living a new life yet. It will come but it's a slower process than I expected.
                  C5/6 incomplete

                  "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    "I can't go on. But I must. So I will."
                    This is a line from Samuel Beckett, an irish writer.
                    I haven't actually contemplated details of my own suicide, but very regularly contemplate death as an escape, or think about simply giving up. My dad's phrase for it was "I wish I could jump up and never come down".
                    When I get these feelings, I think too of Beckett's line to keep me going. It seems so simple on the surface of it. The obligation of "But I must" is really an obligation to myself, my former self, not to anyone else. I must keep going for myself, I got this far, and only if I continue will I find out the rest.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Awe-Full Tomorrow

                      Originally posted by carbar
                      "I can't go on. But I must. So I will."
                      This is a line from Samuel Beckett, an irish writer.
                      I haven't actually contemplated details of my own suicide, but very regularly contemplate death as an escape, or think about simply giving up. My dad's phrase for it was "I wish I could jump up and never come down".
                      When I get these feelings, I think too of Beckett's line to keep me going. It seems so simple on the surface of it. The obligation of "But I must" is really an obligation to myself, my former self, not to anyone else. I must keep going for myself, I got this far, and only if I continue will I find out the rest.
                      This so perfectly expresses the bottom line most positive reason I continue: there are always so many fascinating things breaking on the horizon that I want to be here to see them. Regardless of whatever physical limitations I have and in spite of all but the most excruciating pain, I can perceive and want to keep on expanding my perception. It is as simple as that.

                      Thanks, carbar.
                      Last edited by jukespin; 04-15-2006, 02:20 PM. Reason: Title Redo
                      "Sometimes I just sets and thinks...
                      and sometimes I just sets.
                      "

                      Otis Redding I think

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        i still get suicidal thoughts and i'm almost 5yrs post. in fact, they're worse now then before and i'm on medication and i see a therapist once a wk

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by RehabRhino
                          Mine get stronger every day. I pick myself up and find a sliver of a reason to keep going and then something crops up to knock my 'couldn't care any more' meter right back down. I'm luckier than many who post here in relation to pain, function and finance but from an immediate post injury situation where I felt quite positive because:

                          I believed I would achieve independence
                          I had a supportive wife and a life to get on with
                          I had a good job I could return to

                          15 months on.........

                          Independence isn't here yet - need help dressing/transferring
                          My marriage is over - looking at a move to live on my own which scares me to death
                          Issues with work as a crip which stress me out and make me fear for my long-term future in current job

                          Tell me to suck it up and stop moaning - it's what I tell myself - but if there was a button I could push which simply shut me down painlessly my useless fingers would be pawing it about now.
                          Paul,

                          I for one have greatly enjoyed your presence on CC and would certainly miss you! I don't know if I can relate to most of the posts in this thread because it seems most people who have a SCI as an infant grow up free of depression. We're lucky I guess.

                          It certainly breaks my heart to know your marriage is over. A pending divorce is enough to depress most folk, let alone all the other shit you're going through.

                          As for your work problems - been there, done that! I struggled for 4 long years to fit into a corporate law firm. ABs have no idea what it's like to meet deadlines etc. especially considering something as simple as writing can be impossible or difficult. I think the decision to leave was one of the most liberating decisions of my life - but that was the right thing for me. You'll find your way.

                          I will say this. While I don't feel depressed and certainly have had no suicidal thoughts, I have known for a couple of years that should I be diagnosed with a terminal illness tomorrow a large part of me will simply feel relieved. Perhaps I will feel differently if I meet Mrs Right. Who knows?

                          Some time ago there was a thread started by Lynnifer for those of us who are 20 years post SCI to tell our stories etc. Here was my entry:

                          http://carecure.org/forum/showpost.p...4&postcount=21

                          I'm not pretending to be a poster-child for quads who have their shit together. If I did I'd have a partner right now or, at the very least, a string of broken hearts in my wake. But I do hope you can take something away from my story.

                          Chris.
                          Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist wrapped in blood! Larry in 'Closer', a play by Partick Marber

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Some times i too think for suicide because life with SCI is worst to death.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Yiannit. That's it somedays.....something to look forward to. Simple as that. This week was bad - my wife went away for a few days, was working from home, had some issues with work relating to my disability and was depressed at seeing no-one but a PCA at 7am and again at 10pm.

                              By Wednesday I was googling the tablets I had in the house to see what they would do to me if I chugged them all with a bottle of JD - make my stomach lining bleed like f*ck apparently.

                              I realised it's actually pretty hard to commit suicide 100% effectively, even harder for a quad, and also realised I haven't got the stones for an effective push into a canal or under a train. I would still take that hypothetical, painless button I could push somedays but, today, I feel better. I've got a friend coming over to watch movies and drink beer and a few days off work to clear my head of deadlines.

                              I know, deep down that I haven't started living a new life yet. It will come but it's a slower process than I expected.
                              having your friend come over is the best thing or going out, i'm lucky now my friend just came homw from the army and he doesnt live far and we go out now so it keeps me occupied

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                I am sorry that SCI is so hard that many of us have, if not planned for suicide, at least considered suicide as an option. Two reasons not to commit suicide are 1) the pain caused to our loved ones and 2) so long as things are crappy anyway, we may want to stay for the rest of the movie. While it might seem that paraplegics would cope better than quads, I find this not to be the case. After all, critical human functions, such as bladder, bowel, sex, and independence are compromised, to varying degrees, in both. It seems that, if one is going to have the genitals to cope with paraplegia, that person would cope with quadriplegia as well. I dunno. Pain is also a factor.
                                Let me ask this: is it easier to cope if you had some responsibility in the event? If you were doing something you loved? In my case a moron ruined my life and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, I could have done to prevent it.

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