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  • #16
    Originally posted by jukespin
    I can tell you that you would be greatly missed...
    I echo this from Jukespin. - Sorry for all your problems right now RR. I’ve been trough the wife thing and other issues but suicide so fare have never crossed mind. I don’t’ know what to say to you either, but I hope you will be ok and things will improve.
    (T4, +5 years) Leif
    Last edited by Leif; 04-10-2006, 02:09 PM.

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    • #17
      Thanks Jukespin and Leif. I'm also worried about Myco.

      Paramoto....I also knew from day one that I would never walk again. I accepted that really quickly. It was when my social worker came to talk to me about the 'high level of care' I would need before I was even out of bed that I first got upset in hospital. She was going for worst case, I need 90 mins help per day tops.
      C5/6 incomplete

      "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

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      • #18
        Rehab, you are absolutely right. Most people think that being paralyzed is just mobilizing in a wheelchair. I had no idea that that would be the easy part. Bowel and bladder care, sex, etc. just make it that much worse.

        I think this is soooo tough that anyone's reaction, whatever it is, is more than reasonable. It is tough for me and I am a T6, I cannot imagine how much tougher it would be for higher injuries. I think that getting involved into sports, music, business, anything to keep the mind busy helps.
        T6 complete (or so I think), SCI since September 21, 2003

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        • #19
          RehabRhino, I am very sorry for your predicament. Especially as regards the loss of your wife. I know if my husband was not supporting me, I too would be pawing buttons. Is she leaving you solely for your SCI?

          I really ought to be ashamed of myself, because I am a T11-12, have a lot of sensation back, my case is being covered by w. comp, my husband is super supportive and loving (18 year marriage, 3 teenagers) and my employer wants me back. On the other hand, the circumstances of my SCI were horrific. After working my butt off for years and years to get a specific job, just when I got it, and was looking forward to enjoying it with my H and children...We moved, bought a home (with lots of stairs everywhere), and within 3 WEEKS an idiot (16 y/o) ran over me 2 TIMES.

          Due to my horrific injuries, to this day I need help with ADL, slowly improving. I was the caregiver, independent. I have lost all of my roles. My image is gone, my face and voice changed by the accident. I was tall and now see the world as a midget. I have constant pain. Spell bowel problems, bladder problems, anyone? I was super healthy, never had had a UTI before. Never smoked or drank. Took care of my health and good care of my husband, children, extended family, friends, dogs..ALL of my leisure activities required walking. My kids are in shock still (9 months after the accident). My mother is depressed beyond repair. I feel guilty!

          And yes, I am on a max dose of an antidepressant, so I am not crying 24/7 anymore. And I won´t commit suicide because my husband and kids have said very clearly that they want me alive.

          But this SUX, SUX, SUX.

          I don´t know who this person is that you are worried about? Please share?

          Anyways, if we have reached bottom, the only way is up, right?
          And BTW, I don´t believe a cure is coming in our lifetimes. A lot more basic science research is needed for that. But let´s not tell people so funding keeps on coming and future generations can benefit from it.
          Peace

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          • #20
            I also don't know who Myco is, can anyone call him/her and offer help?.
            Cripply, like was said before, you will get to the point of acceptance and measure life by new standards. It is still you. In time and with determination you will recover your roles, just manage them differently.

            I was not referring to a cure, but to scientifical developments that will hopefully one day improve our quality of life somehow. I agree that a magic wand cure is still quite far, but I do not lose hope of significant developments happening in my lifetime (I am 42).

            I can offer that I think it helps to focus on the things that we can do. At t-11 there is still a lot you can do. Try not to focus on the uncontrollable, like the things that you cannot do. Find new activities that replace the old ones and you will hopefully get to enjoy them as much as you once did the others, and live life day by day. Hopefully the feeling of despair will begin to gradually dissapear.

            RR, I am sorry too for all your problems. All those things just make this that much harder. Hang on man. Give it time, it's only been 15 months. I am 2 1/2 years out and still need help for my bp. That is so frustrating because I used to be such an independent person, but you get used to it. Hopefully you will find an attendant that will contribute to make your life more tollerable. Best of luck. Remember that change is a part of life, hopefully soon some change will come your way that will make things a little better.
            T6 complete (or so I think), SCI since September 21, 2003

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            • #21
              I think you have been given some really good information here, so I promise not to repeat what others said too much. I agree that you will go through the 5 stages of grief. It is important to remember that the stages of grief are not always followed in order. You can go through steps out of order and even return to them again.

              I always tell myself that this feeling will pass. It usually does in time.

              Tanya

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              • #22
                I think the whole 'acceptance' thing is BS. Everyone has the basic right to their health. Living to the max until things turn up for us I agree with. And they will turn up, unless you're 75 odd!

                Im glad the anti-d's are working for you

                BTW Myc0's myspace last message says he just has limited net time if we were worried. Im sure he's A-OK

                How old are you Cripply, out of interest

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                • #23
                  Thanks everybody. I am 39 y/o.
                  I don´t think acceptance ever comes for many SCIs. That´s what I saw at rehab. What comes is a kind of resignation.

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                  • #24
                    That's what I was saying about learning to live with it. It's like someone dying, you never get over it, you just hope you can somehow get on with it. Cripply, I'm sorry some jaggoff did that to you. I've always wondered if I'd be more pissed off at my situation if it happened at someone elses hands. Did that kid have to face any consequences? How the eff did they manage to hit you twice? That sux big time.

                    Ahh guilt is horrible. For a long time I could see how tough it was for my family to deal with their feelings of what happened. I still deal with those feelings at times, but I learned how to battle those.
                    Last edited by Rrrrronnn; 04-10-2006, 05:50 PM.
                    .
                    "If ya don't have it in the hips, ya better have it in the lips..." ~ Charlie - Villa Dulce

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by paramoto
                      Give it time, it's only been 15 months. I am 2 1/2 years out and still need help for my bp.
                      What do you still need help with? You're t6 right?
                      Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--Mary Kay Ash

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                      • #26
                        Cripply, I'm 14y post and if I go to bed tonight and I don't wake up tomorrow, it will be a good thing for me. We can't really compare with others, we have different handicap. I'm c4 complete. I was an athlete and not having arms movement today, it's terrible. A cure or nothing. C4 it's not acceptable for me.



                        Originally posted by Cripply
                        Thanks everybody. I am 39 y/o.
                        I don´t think acceptance ever comes for many SCIs. That´s what I saw at rehab. What comes is a kind of resignation.

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                        • #27
                          November, with my BP. I have harrington rods from t2 to t12 that make lateral movement very difficult. I can do it with mini enemas, but prone to have accidents all the time. Manual removal or digital stim is hell for me on my own and require help.
                          T6 complete (or so I think), SCI since September 21, 2003

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by paramoto
                            November, with my BP. I have harrington rods from t2 to t12 that make lateral movement very difficult. I can do it with mini enemas, but prone to have accidents all the time. Manual removal or digital stim is hell for me on my own and require help.
                            I see. Was just thinking we could maybe help you out.
                            Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--Mary Kay Ash

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                            • #29
                              Thanks November. It's just that it takes me five minutes with help, and half hour to 45 minutes without, plus the risk of accidents from active ingredient residue. I have tried very hard to do dig stim on my own without suppositories or mini enemas, I just haven't been able to get the job done. Have asked for help, gotten many tips which I have given a shot with, but it has been impossible because lateral movement makes the position very unfomfortable. Thanks again for asking.
                              T6 complete (or so I think), SCI since September 21, 2003

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by RehabRhino
                                Tell me to suck it up and stop moaning - it's what I tell myself - but if there was a button I could push which simply shut me down painlessly my useless fingers would be pawing it about now.
                                (Hug) Paul, you're amazing! Hang in there, you'll be whole again one day!

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