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Federal Reserve Bank Robbed: New Crime Syndicate?

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  • Federal Reserve Bank Robbed: New Crime Syndicate?

    AP news reported:

    A Federal Reserve bank at an undisclosed location was reportedly robbed today under most peculiar circumstances. Tellers reported that 5 masked individuals in wheelchairs armed with special catheters and silver bullets held the bank at bay and made off with an undisclosed sum of money in the form of bonds and cash.
    One teller who wished to remain anonymous told of the appalling nature of these seemingly brazen criminals. Quoted "Gimme your money or I'll piss all over you! See this fuckin tube? I'M ON THE EDGE BITCH NOW PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG!!!!!!"
    Four eyewitnesses fell victim resulting in crushed feet, bruised shins, and total loss of body functions from the suspects randomly wheeling in them.
    "I couldn't see anything and suddenly this 4 1/2 foot tall masked guy with wheels just runs into me! I thought I was gonna die. First,a plastic tube whips and I felt something wet and warm splash me. After that something ran into my legs and I went down on my face. Then I saw something silver out of the corner of my eye get directed to my backside. I felt the sudden urge to shit my pants..." This witness was immediately seen running away holding his ass.
    Two other witnessess fell under the same treatment but were too embarrassed after defecating in their pants to comment or give there names.
    Police are examining urine samples and tracks left in mud by their chairs. Agents on the scene also recognized some clues that point this could be the work of a new, growing crime syndicate spawned somewhere the NorthEast Regions of the USA. Though this is the first act that has gained mass public attention, lesser events have been reported with a commonality of spitefullness held with a new organized crime family. Reports have been filed showing this new Outfit to be called the Tri-C Rolling Mafia. Citizens are warned to be on the lookout for anybody that may fit released descriptions and suspicious behavior. Further details of this heinous crime will be released as reports are filed.

    Story courtesy of Quadhoe, Quadslut, &Para-Slut Publishing, based out of Montreal and Ohio.

    "It's time for the long arm the law put a few more in the ground." Toby Keith w/ Willie Nelson

    [This message was edited by Stratman on 09-20-03 at 11:42 PM.]

    ROFLMAO, that's great Strat....but it's Quadhoe & Paraslut Publishing