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Things you do not want to hear during surgery

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    Things you do not want to hear during surgery

    Things you do not want to hear during surgery:

    1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

    2. Someone call the janitor. We're going to need a mop.

    3. Accept this sacrifice, O great god of the Volcano.

    4. Bo Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!

    5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

    6. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

    7. Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

    8. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

    9. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.

    10. Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
    "The only true currency in this bankrupt what you share with someone else when you're uncool." - Almost Famous

    "Are you ready to proceed, Major Burns?"

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


      erhm did you say Mrs. Beewell ?
      So that means that Mr. Someoneelse is in the other room.

      I hate to admit this, but I was sick the day they taught us how to close.

      And this one is a true one.
      Did you say the LEFT leg, oh my... I guess I shouldn't have had the last beer.


        Here's some more:

        Hmmmm, what's this organ? I don't remember studying about this one.

        be right back, I gotta run and deposit my check before two. Do you think he'll stay sedated that long? BTW: I heard that this one really happened.

        You think we can rush this transplant, I've got a 3:30 tee time.

        You think she'll notice that we replaced the wrong hip?

        I'm seeing double, can someone get me an eye patch?

        We didn't have any more surgical thread, so I brought some sewing thread from home. Do you think they'll notice the difference in the stitches?


          tell dr. so'n'so i dont give a good goddamn about his hospital board meeting,,,i have a patient here with, what looks like a malignancy, that has spread into the chest cavity, open on the table and i need a thorasic surgeon now...

          ewwww...what is THAT?

          i'm leaving a staple here so they won't have to open him up again to direct radiation

          i heard those 3 statements..and several more i didnt want to hear,,,2 weeks later i heard one of the best statements..."we still have no idea what your tumor is but mayo sez it isnt malignant"

          another u never wanna hear,,,look, it sez circumcision right here on the chart"


            I think it's best if we terminate this patient, or I am afraid he will sue us for malpractice whe he wakes up.