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  • Awkward wedding

    My wedding day is in just a little over a month. I'm getting anxious about how awkward I'm afriad it will be. I'm in a manual chair, and my fiance is AB. The height difference worries me, especially when we are exchanging vows. I'm wondering if wheelchair users here have been in this situation and if you would share your experience?

    I was hoping for an iBOt, but that obviously won't be happening within the next month.

    Shannon

  • #2
    wedding

    When my husband (who is in a manual chair) and I got married 2 yrs. ago, I hadnt planned on it, but when the minister started the ceremony I got down on my knees so we would be the same height. It was perfect and the pictures came out beautiful! Good luck and God bless you both!!!

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    • #3
      I'm getting married this October. We are going to have a chair at the altar for my fiance. He will sit down (like me!) throughout the ceremony. When we exchange vows we are planning to turn our chairs to face each other. Like you, I couldn't imagine him standing next to me while I was sitting in my chair. Hope this helps!

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      • #4
        you might want to check and see if you can get a chair that elevates or use a Lifestand chair that can move while you are in a standing position? The rehab shop that I use always has one on the floor for people to try out. You might find somewhere local to rent one for the day.

        Even if you use your current chair, I bet no one will notice and your day will be just as special! Congratulations

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        • #5
          Eye to Eye is best...

          Seat your wedding party too...and quite frankly the minister as well...This is such a wonderful event in a life..it should be perfect. God will understand the need for the chairs.....just a suggestion...good luck honey!!

          Mary
          1FineSpineRN

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          • #6
            My wife and I were seated...

            next to each other at a table across from judge. It was a civil ceremony but much longer and nicer than civil ceremonies here in the US. Part of the ceremony is signing all the paperwork which is why weddings are often done this way. We have a video and lots of pictures and I really like how they turned out. Other photos with everyone standing and me sitting are okay, too, but the ceremony itself with us both seated made me feel a lot better about it. Might not help you much for your US wedding but it can be done very nicely this way.

            ~See you at the SCIWire-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion ~
            ~See you at the CareCure-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion ~

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            • #7
              I was also going to suggest kneeling especially if you are having a mass/ceremony. I was married as an AB in the magistrate's office in Rome, Italy and like Jeff and Rowena, Jay and I (and our witnesses) were seated through most of the ceremony. Of course when you're all sitting in gold gilt chairs that are a couple hundred years old it adds something to the ceremony. [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

              I think the bigger things to think about are: make sure the chair is spotlessly clean, adjust everything so your dress does not get caught in wheels or anything (you can pin, baste or tape extra cloth underneath your knees if need be), have a try out with any rug or white carpet down the aisle to make sure it stays put while you move (if it moves get to a rug shop and ask for rug holders for the ceremony--they go under the rug and hold it to the floor), have a chair available even if you have a mass ceremony because the poor groom's knees will be dying after 15 minutes and....any decorations on the inside of the pews should not get in the way of your chair, check them out. And talk to your photographer about pictures. If you want a very formal portrait I'm sure the priest/minister/rabbi will not mind if you and your chair are lifted up any step or two to the main altar and your new husband stands below so you are close to but not exactly even. A good photographer will have some ideas if you meet him a few days in advance and he has a chance to look around the ceremony area and reception hall.

              And short sleeves or not let someone push you on that day! You do not want dirt on your sleeves or on the slice of cake you offer or your hubby.........offer! Make sure that he understands that messy cake shoving is inappropriate always and that you have enough to worry about without dropped smashed cake in your lap.

              You'll be beautiful and the ceremony will be great, Shannon! Relax and enjoy it. Oh, and use the new smudge proof lipstick. [img]/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif[/img]
              Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

              Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hey Beaker!

                There's a topic about this a while back, there's a few different ideas including mine wedding, everyone sat, it was cool. [img]/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif[/img]

                Here's the link:http://carecure.org/forum/showpost.php?p=166676

                Hope the link works, if not just copy and paste it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Wedding

                  Shannon~

                  I just wanted to say that I attended a Catholic wedding a few months ago, and both the bride and groom sat down...and they were both AB! I've never seen this before, but no one blinked an eye. I think that whatever you decide on...it will be beautiful! Weddings are such joyful occasions...everyone will be so happy, the details will seem unimportant in the end.

                  I wish only the best for you and your fiance as you begin your lives together!
                  Congratulations..
                  ____________________________
                  "God warns us not to love any earthly thing above Himself, and yet He sets in a mother's heart such a fierce passion for her babes that I do not comprehend how He can test us so."
                  ~Geraldine Brooks, "Year of Wonders"


                  "Be kind...for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."
                  ~Philo of Alexandria

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                  • #10
                    Thanks so much everyone!

                    It's going to be a garden wedding. About 50 people will be attending. The ceremony will be super short, because I'm a wreck when I'm the center of attention! My fiance doesn't understand the importance of being eye level. He wants to stand and he thinks it would look silly if he were kneeling or sitting. I'm very frustrated. There doesn't seem to be a good solution because if he's standing, I'll be uncomfortable, and if he's sitting or kneeling, he'll be uncomfortable.

                    I'm sort of new here and I don't know if I can post pictures, but I will post one after the wedding if I can.

                    Carl, I can't get a chair that stands me because it's been about 20 years since I've put weight on these bones. That's a whole other story.

                    Spinner's wife, I think that is very sweet that you kneeled.

                    Shannon

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                    • #11
                      You could always

                      Just have you're fiance sit in you lap as you wheel down the isle and during the service, lol. Seriosly though, I think the sit down idea is a good one. A friend of mine who is a t-7 stood up on braces at a bar that was located in front of the alter, I think I'd be kind of nervous to do that though myself, knowing my luck I would probabley let a big on rip the second I got up to the standing position which tends to happen with me, so maybe not a good idea for everyone.

                      Just had another idea as the gears were spinning in my head. How about building a small ramp with a small platform at the top designed to put you at the same height with you're Fiance? that way you would not be looking up, you could have someone push you up the ramp and just make sure to lock up the brakes when you got to the top platform. It really would not be that hard to build something like that, just some 2 x 4's and some plywood.

                      "Life is about how you
                      respond to not only the
                      challenges you're dealt but
                      the challenges you seek...If
                      you have no goals, no
                      mountains to climb, your
                      soul dies".~Liz Fordred
                      "Life is about how you
                      respond to not only the
                      challenges you're dealt but
                      the challenges you seek...If
                      you have no goals, no
                      mountains to climb, your
                      soul dies".~Liz Fordred

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                      • #12
                        Shannon

                        How about renting an electric chair for the ceremony, the kind that u can raise at bar level. I think Debbie7 said she had one, maybe she can say if it would work.

                        ...and the soul afraid of dyin'... That never learns to live...
                        Thoughts become things, choose the good ones!

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                        • #13
                          I've never heard too many guys who are real picky about the wedding itself, most are (at least me) more interested in getting it over with and on to the wedding night . [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img] I'll bet he won't mind or be uncomfortable if you both were to sit. I would have loved a chair, as my knees were about to buckle just from all the stress and a little hung over too.

                          The chair that elevates might be the answer though. I have a Permobil (only a couple of weeks old to me) and when I elevate, I am a couple of inches over the 5 ft. mark in a sitting position.

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                          • #14
                            Hi Beaker,
                            This is Monkeygirls husband here. I registered as a member here to submit a post to tell you a few things about our wedding.
                            When we got married the whole wedding party sat. Sitting for me was way more comfortable than standing as there was way less fidgiting. Most importantly, when we exchanged vows I wouldn't have had it any other way. Can you imagine exchanging vows while one is standing?
                            We sat side by side holding hands durring the whole thing.
                            Afterwards everyone had came to us and said they had never been to a more intimate wedding ever.
                            I have to admit that hearing that your soon to be husband didn't want to sit upset me somewhat. He has no clue what he would be sacrificing.
                            I would suggest that he at least neal down durring your exchange of vows or say forget it. I know what I'm saying may be blunt and to the point but marriage is
                            commitment
                            between two people where you divide your life straight down the middle. If it cant start at the last stop(the alter)then it's not worth it.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Good Post Conk

                              When I read that he did not wish to sit, it bothered me too. I do not think that he is actually hearing Shannon's wishes- it would help to know what he bases his thinking on. I agree with Conk, as hard as it may be..Shannon needs to find out if this attitude is going to carry over into other areas which may actually make life harder and not easier for her in the long run. I do not think that eye contact while exchanging vows will be easy for either one with him standing.

                              Curtis as always the mental picture you paint of you at the altar in your braces is nothing short of "lovely". Thanks for sharing... [img]/forum/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

                              Mary
                              1FineSpineRN

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