Life is shitty

[KateM]

Just let me vent!
Sometimes, life is just shitty. I'm just having a rough go of things lately, and I wonder, do I ever get a break? Why does everything always have to be hard? ARG!!!
It all boils down to my self-confidence. I feel lousy and I look lousy. This whole weight issue is pissing me off. Why doesn't God just give us all a break and say 'all wheelchair people get to be thin'? I hate shopping because I can't try on clothes at the store and I don't even know what size I am, although I do know that I'm too bloody fat. I hate it.
I'm waiting for this great inspiration to hit and suddenly I will have the desire to work out. I don't know how to get to this point. How do I make myself care enough? Will it even make a difference?
Here's my big excuse -- life is just so busy--the kids, the house, the husband. When would I find time to work out, even if I had the desire?
I hate looking in the mirror because I hate who I've become. I used to be pretty, thin, and all together. Now I'm a fat gimped up person in a wheelchair. I hate me. I hate the lady that ran the stop sign and did this to me. Where is the justice in this world?

[spinner's wife]

Feeling Shitty

I am able bodied and I feel so fat ( and I am) I have gained 30 pounds since i got married. And I try to get up the motivation to lose weight. I always find excuses to not exercise. It sucks. I guess when I get sick enuff of bing fat I will work-out. I am close to 50 yrs old so I try to justify my weight by that feeling oh "oh what does it matter anyway attitude"....I've fought with my weight my entire life....anyway my husband is a T-4 para and I can tell you
he has had some bad feelings about his body image..especially his legs. They are so skinny and he says before he got hurt (its been 5yrs now) his legs were huge and muscular. I met him 2 yrs ago so I really can't picute that at all. He wouldnt wear shorts in 90 degree weather he'd have on pants. I convinced him to
put shorts on, go to the beach and now he wears shorts everywhere, and his skinny legs get tan and he is so handsome...inside and out. He too has gained about 20 or so pounds...but he needed the weight gain...he was way too thin when we met so I fattened him up...unfortunattely I also fattened myself up... You must be kinder to yourself...you are the same person and I'm sure those around you see and feel your worth and your beauty everyday. Sometimes i look at my husband so young (34 yrs old) and I think about that crappy SHITTY day when he got hit in the head with a an oil-rig drill collar and I see what that has done to his body and it makes me sad, and mad, and finally just glad he's still here for me to love!!! Be strong!!!!!

[antiquity]

Hi Katem, I have body image issues too, only because I'm too thin. I envy those quads especially who are somehow able to maintain a normal body weight and normal muscle tone. I met a quad the other day who looked great, kind of like Scorpion, or Chris, who simply look like seated healthy AB's. I understand why I don't look that way but I felt a little embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't. I've only, within the past 4 years or so, been able to look at myself in a full lemgth mirror and be ok with what I see. I think it's a growth process, learning to like or at least accept what you can't change.

[Lizbv]

weight

I have abusing my body with food in the past yr. My life is so stressful, that I don't have time to count calories! I don't feel comfortable either, so I just ignore it! Of course, life goes on. We aren't all size 4. You need to realize that! And for people who make fun of over weight people, they are loosers and their self esteem is more than likely worse than anyone who is overweight!!

[starlightangel]

Keeping down the weight is a big problem for SCI because it's so hard to exercise. I used to live in a city and walk *everywhere*. Now I couldn't exercise even if I wanted to. Add to that I have a PCA who is always pressuring me to eat. [img]/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] I don't think she understands the problem we SCIs have. Mealtimes are a constant battle, and I have threatened to stop eating entirely on more than one occasion.

I really get depressed looking in the mirror too. Couldn't do it at all the first two years after my injury without crying. Because of my level injury I have these really overdeveloped neck muscles which make me look like I have a double chin no matter what the rest of me looks like - REAL attractive. [img]/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Shoulda gone the Sid Vicious route - "live fast, die young, live a pretty corpse."

[starlightangel]

Whew... I just read what I posted and boy do I sound whiny. [img]/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] Guess you weren't the only one who needed to vent.

Kate, is there a nutritionist in your area you could maybe consult about healthy diet? Just wondering.

[angel7]

I feel the same way about my weight also

From Nov. 2000 to OCT. 2001 I went froma size double X to a size 10. I worked my butt off (literally). My accident occured Oct. 19. I continued to lose weight after my second surgery on Dec. 15, 2001. Then my rehab doctor took me off coumadin on May 15, 2001 which led to blood clots all over my body. By June 2001 I balloned to 200 pds. I still haven't got rid of all the water as I have to wait for new veins to grow. I've ordered an ellipital trainer, harness, and my fiance is going to built a hoist. Maybe the excercise will help to move the excess water.

Deb

[mario]

re:life is shitty

Try going on the Weight Watchers Sensible
Points Diet. A friend photocopied the book
which lists the point value of foods for me
and another gave me a conversion chart from
Weight Watchers which will give the point
value of packaged food when you check the
nutrition facts on the package. I have lost
20 lbs in 3 mos so far. It takes time but it
works. I am a C5/6 quad and cannot exercise
either.

[etexley]

Exercise...

I try to incorporate it into my daily life. For instance, I used to push my wheelchair to work. The only problem is, the dorks in the community decided to do road construction and tore up the sidewalk for a year. It's really not fair, you know? Cars should NOT have the right of way over pedestrians and their needs....it's SO ANNOYING. A car is the reason that I ended in in a stupid wheelchair. Yup, it's the "American Way" Everybody drives their own little box around from place to place....

Eric Texley

[Emi2]

I have problems with my new look now too....but I had problems with self esteem before too. It's such a constant battle. I try not to overeat (get the snacks/junk put where I can't reach), and my caregivers try to force more food on me too. Thankfully I have the time to go to the gym, and play rugby now. Try to find some time for yourself! I've also thought that having a slimfast for one meal a day would be a good idea too. I just haven't gotten around to it. Maybe go get a nice new haircut or something to make yourself feel better.

"Each moment in time we have it all, even when we think we don't."
--Melody Beattie, writer and counselor

[mk99]

Exercise is difficult and not fun but can still be done to a certain degree.

What gets me is the para pot. Ugh... what can be done about this? I am not overweight at all but the pot is still there. Anyone wear a binder or something for better aesthetics?

[Claire]

Hi Katem,
What I love to do is cook. My (grandmother was) mom is a great cook and her 5 daughters all cook now. Those O.T.s in rehab showed me alot of tricks and gave me confidence to do what I learned from hanging out in the kitchen with my mother. I love S.and P., garlic and olive oil in a frying pan with almost any vegetable. I chop veggies in the morning and get prep work out of the way. I do that because what I like least is chopping veggies. I'm a C7, so this takes the most time. I have found a great chopping tool that has cut this job in half for me. Then go to town with other flavors like sesame oil, soy sauce, curry, ginger. I'm waiting for the day someone markets finely grated ginger in a jar. I made salmon, in olive oil, garlic, scallions ginger,soy sauce, white wine this past weekend and it was like an aphrodisiac; it was so good. I'm salivating now thinking about it. I find the more flavor with good foods(vegs. and fish)the less I need to eat. If you like dessert, try to eat half of what you normally eat until you're treating yourself only once or twice a week. I could go on and on about cooking. I also think it's important to me because I've lost other senses so precious to me, I make up for it in tasting. My grandparents were farmers in upstate N.Y. and we grew up eating animal parts most people would be grossed out by. My friends would gag when they'd come over and see a cow's tongue in the fridge. I'd just laugh. I'll try any food once. Anyway, I weigh 15 lbs. less than when I broke my neck. If you want some great recipes e-me.
Claire
P.S. If you can push your chair, push. If your kids are old enough, maybe they'd enjoy helping you. Little kids often like standing on a chair at the counter top near mom to help.

[topspin]

Okay... you wanted to VENT.. but here is another idea or two

Crank cycles are fun and they are the best exercise I have found (I am also a T8).

Eat veggies a lot. Like Raymond Burr demonstrated, celery is the only food that requires more calories to eat than the food provides. Eat fruit if yu crave something sweet.

[kate]

did venting help?

katem, i'm another kate who's having a horrible, no good, very bad day. i love that you came online and said what you said. sometimes life is shitty! diets, looks, what other stupid people think, unnnhhh. sometimes i just want to take a giant eraser to the whole thing. i love that you brought your bad mood to us. i wish i could sit down with you and say nasty things about the world and get to laughing about how dumb and messed up things are until we cry. i wish crying would do some good.

[marmalady]

Claire - You and I have got to get together! Try this for your ginger; put some peeled chopped ginger in a food processor, whiz it up and then put it in a jar with some white wine vinegar - keeps for weeks! You can do the same with garlic, or in fact, anything to flavor a vinegar - chiles, orange or lemon rind.

Kate - both of you! Didn't mean to get off topic here, but just had to respond to Claire.

One of the things that makes this forum so special is that we can all feel free enough to let out our frustrations, and know that we'll get support from the rest of the community.

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Tough times don't last - tough people do.