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    "Friends"

    Before my injury, I had tons of friends, I've always lived by myself and people were always over. When I was in the hospital and rehab(3 months)people would drive an hour to come visit. Now, friends(some I grew up with, 37 years)live around the corner, don't even call! I don't ask them for anything either(never would). Now that I realize how shallow they are I really don't care.

    Can anyone relate?

    #2
    Oh ya,

    The Disappearing friend syndrome, pretty common with SCI.

    Within the last half year though I have become friends with lots of other Paras and Quads and it feels great to have true friends again. Getting involved in the Handcycling groups has been great for me. There are lots of groups of interest also that involve other disabled folks that you could join and meet a new circle of friends. I have really found that with most a/b's that they just don't understand why we are like we are, so they just stay clear of us. Best to make new friends.
    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred

    Comment


      #3
      I wouldn't limit making new friends to others with disabilities. In fact, I only have one true friend since SCI that is also disabled. The other true friends I've added are all A/Bs. But then, I've never been one to fit into one particular 'clique.'

      In the end, most of the people we call 'friends' are really just aquaintances who share our company because of a similar interest. I say, if they bailed, I didn't need them anyway. Sure, I miss some of them, but the true friends stuck by me despite my paralysis. My Dad once said a long time ago (pre-SCI) that if you can count your true friends on more than one hand, you are truly blessed.

      Find friends who share common interests and beliefs, regardless of whether they're A/B or disabled. No offense meant to Curtis, as his advice is valuable, but I think too many people with SCI hang out with other gimps because misery loves company or because 'A/Bs don't understand.' Of course, they don't understand, and I hope they never will fully understand, because only paralysis would allow them to

      Friendship is a two-way street, and if your so-called friends aren't holding up their end of the friendship for whatever reason, move on. Life's too short.

      Comment


        #4
        re

        it is amazing how 'friends' vanish, but people you'd never thought twice about [pre-sci] stay... taught me a great lesson about dependability.

        i've remained close friends with only 2 sci people since my injury. i don't feel i'm excluding ppl; just seems to have worked out that way.

        remember, you have to put yourself forward, too --
        "Now, the only healthy way to live life, as I see it, is to enjoy all the little everyday things, like a sip of whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, or a cool breeze on a hot day." -Gus McCrae, from Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry

        ChloeMagazine
        AccessibleProperties

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          #5
          Friendship

          While the fundamental basis for our friendships remains constant, it seems like the dynamics are always in a state of flux. I've learned to appreciate the transformation process that a lasting relationship must endure.

          Rather than dwell on whether or not someone else is living up to my idea of what a good friend is, I try to put forth my own best effort toward being a good friend / son / brother / uncle, to the people that are important to me.
          Know Thyself

          Comment


            #6
            i only have 2 good friends left out of the old party bunch. i've made some better friends since. people say that you are still the same person post injury. i disagree. my outlook on everything has changed. i look at evrything differently now. not negatively, just different. its not all a game of drinking and chasing skirts for me anymore. that kind of alienates me from my friends. i look at life and getting better with what i've got. they cant wait till i get cured. oh well. life goes on. [img]/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
            C-5/6, 7-9-2000
            Scottsdale, AZ

            Make the best out of today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Nobody knows that better than those of us that have almost died from spinal cord injury.

            Comment


              #7
              I just wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that you are SCI. Maybe it is just life and the way it goes. Same happens to me as an AB. You lose touch with old friends and make new ones as you move on with your life. To a degree, that is.

              Comment


                #8
                I can relate to you. My friends came and visited me in the hospital, nursing home and the rehab place. And then when I came home they visit me twice and that was the end. I even got a van so I can hang out with them. But that never happened. So I guess they were never true friends to begin with. So I feel you.

                Comment


                  #9
                  i can relate too.... when i was 1st injured ''everbody and their brother was there''... after things quieted down and time passed, certain ppl. disappeared. you truly find out who are your ''true'' friends... i have alot of new AB and SCI friends... would not trade any of them for the world..

                  what i like is the new AB friends that i have.. all they know is me in the chair, which is cool to me... they didn't know the idiot pre-SCI... but they know the post-SCI idiot... lol.





                  Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches. It's more like a jar of jalapenos--What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

                  If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby. Carlos Mencia

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                    #10
                    I don't really recall a lot when I was first injured, but when I was feeling better was told of stories of friends/family getting kicked out of PICU because of there being too many people. It's only supposed to be family, but my parents got it so my friends could come up. At one time there was 30 people waiting to see me. Well, out of those 30 people I don't keep in contact with a one now. As I slowly started to get better they slowly started to die off. I'll be seeing a lot of them probably at a future high school reunion and tell them they can shove it.

                    Friends come and go and I have just a few right now that would do anything for me as I would for them. That's enough to keep me. The new ones I make now come and go and am not afraid to tell em to fuck off when the piss me off. I don't have time for it.
                    "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." ~ James Dean
                    http://www.kristi-allen.com

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                      #11
                      Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

                      Imho, ones for a lifetime are rare, usually very few qualify or meet the grade.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I don't think it is the SCI but the wheel chair. It is not so strange, you can't go visit anybody anymore because of the stairs, you can't go to a pub, cafe or a restaurant anymore. So it is difficult to socialize and the people forget you. In the beginning they come and visit you but after a while they get bored because you can't go out. Life is a give and take, I can't expect friends and family to give all the time when I can't give anything back.
                        TH 12, 43 years post

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                          #13
                          It happened to me a lot right after I was injured. Looking back, it sort of makes sense. Almost all of my friends were sort of shallow, and so was I. We really only hung out because we had gymnastics and cheerleading in common. Once I couldn't do that anymore, I guess they figured there was nothing to do anymore. So they just stopped coming around. Meanwhile, I was lying in bed, unable to move anything and thinking my life was over, wondering what I had done to drive them away. I'd like to think that if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have been better, but you never know.

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                            #14
                            I must have made friends out of the right people in my life..I had been living for 10yrs in a completely different province when i was injured,my friends were always there.When i made the decision to move back home after all that time,they were waiting for me..they never left,and i couldnt be more thankful that..

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Chris Chappell
                              Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

                              Imho, ones for a lifetime are rare, usually very few qualify or meet the grade.
                              So very true. All the more reason to appreciate our friends while we can, and show them that they are appreciated and cared for.

                              Jesse's Mom - It's not just SCI, you're absolutely right. It's just how life works. But I do think a life-altering event like an SCI can cause many friends to "move on" or "grow apart" very quickly shortly after the event (accident, etc). Even so, it doresn't make them bad people; sometimes they're simply not equipped to adapt to the new reality, or perhaps they aren't invested enough to be willing to make the effort.

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