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Death with dignity, do we qualify?

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    #16
    Tim, have you considered trying marijuana?

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      #17
      Well, you can make sure your life is not unduly extended. Do you have a living will filed with all your medical care team members and hospitals that you do not want any heroic measures just pain control even if it shortens your life (only good in medical facilities)? Then make it abundantly clear to your doctors and family members plus any PCAs that you either do not want 911 called as their job is to do everything possible to save your life or if your state allows to opt into 911 but they enter you into a DNR program. You need a bracelet to wear constantly for this. It allows someone to call 911 because they think you are having a heart attack but the responders will do nothing if you are headed toward death but make you as comfortable as possible. If you are just having an anxiety attack they will treat those symptoms. You need to talk to your doctor about the 911 exemption and make sure the correct EMS system has your paperwork for this. None of the above is considered suicide it is just not artificially extending your life. If you do not trust your family to agree to these things then find someone you trust and appoint them your Power of Attorney for Medical Care.

      As for the Swiss answer, not being able to fly that far after living in extreme pain for 20 years? What is another 8 to 10 hours to get through airports and to the institute that does this? And no, sending someone from Switzerland to the US to give you a deadly dose of whatever would make them a murderer here. I would think after 20 years you would just follow what Ketamine Kitty has tried. He has had inventive docs try many things. His body is a whole lot more messed up then yours. I think I first heard you talk about your pain in NYC in front of your kids. I am sure they will follow any directions you give them but you have to do the paper work.
      Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

      Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

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        #18
        Tetra, thank you for your comment.

        I experienced a momentary seizure a few days following my sci while still in ICU where I immediately found myself watching my own self shaking up and down on bed while I was floating with my back to ceiling in between the helium filled
        mylar “get-well” & “happy birthday”balloons my kids brought me the previous day. Meanwhile. my wife was busy panicking and trying to hold me down as she screamed to the nearby nurse’s station for help. All sounds were muffled, albeit still recognizable. Floating amongst the balloons, I felt the presence of a warm light bursting into the room through the doorway. Unbelievably bright was the light, like a sustained flash of lightening….and warm: warm like the sun’s rays enveloping me like a steaming towel. First impulse was to follow the light, it was warm and inviting. The only obstacle in my way was the section of wall above the doorway… I could not maneuver to access my way through but my eyes were able to follow the source of the light coming from a large window down at the end of the hallway. As I made effort to go to the light I instantaneously found myself back on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. I couldn’t help but notice the mylar balloons still moving about.

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          #19
          Originally posted by Tim C. View Post
          Tetra, thank you for your comment.

          I experienced a momentary seizure a few days following my sci while still in ICU where I immediately found myself watching my own self shaking up and down on bed while I was floating with my back to ceiling in between the helium filled
          mylar “get-well” & “happy birthday”balloons my kids brought me the previous day. Meanwhile. my wife was busy panicking and trying to hold me down as she screamed to the nearby nurse’s station for help. All sounds were muffled, albeit still recognizable. Floating amongst the balloons, I felt the presence of a warm light bursting into the room through the doorway. Unbelievably bright was the light, like a sustained flash of lightening….and warm: warm like the sun’s rays enveloping me like a steaming towel. First impulse was to follow the light, it was warm and inviting. The only obstacle in my way was the section of wall above the doorway… I could not maneuver to access my way through but my eyes were able to follow the source of the light coming from a large window down at the end of the hallway. As I made effort to go to the light I instantaneously found myself back on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. I couldn’t help but notice the mylar balloons still moving about.
          Existence and perceptions are so much bigger than we are normally aware of.

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            #20
            Originally posted by Tim C. View Post
            It goes far beyond the injury itself it’s the constant stress of not wanting to disappoint my family. worrying about money, worrying about care, constant panic attacks about being left in the bed, wondering what the end game is going to be. After so much of your life you’re living out of your own control is my death gonna be the same way? I’m sick to my stomach every day from the physical pain of digestion. you can’t plan to do anything, you Cannot find relief, you hope each day is your last, or at least your sleep doesn’t end, Most days you can’t leave your house
            The Reeve Foundation just posted an article about panic attacks. There could be something in it useful to you, Tim.

            https://www.christopherreeve.org/blo...eid=234b00baa3

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              #21
              Thank you tetra , I will look into it, I just think it’s death calling on me to say it’s getting to be that time

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                #22
                I just want to finish things for my family and be on my way , I can’t stay being a burden to them

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                • SCI-Nurse
                  SCI-Nurse commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Suicide is a huge burden to the surviving family members, especially if they think you did it to "spare" them this supposed burden. (KLD)

                #23
                Originally posted by SCI-Nurse
                Suicide is a huge burden to the surviving family members, especially if they think you did it to "spare" them this supposed burden. (KLD)
                I still have the letter Ozymandias/Clayton's mom wrote to me just after his suicide. Haunting and heartbreaking and full of more pain than seeing her boy injured ever seemed to cause.
                "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

                "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

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                  #24
                  Tim - I wouldn't have the temerity to comment on your level of anguish and pain, particularly since I am not (yet) in a comparable position, but I do know something about the suffering of surviving family members after a suicide. So often, they never stop blaming themselves for - in their perceptions - not having done enough to assure their loved one how much they cared, how worthwhile even the hardships of life were with that person. The torment never goes away. If you feel the need to take this step, that is a personal responsibility that is yours to own; but to assume that others will be relieved of suffering by this act is to coopt their own worlds of feeling. In this situation, ongoing family discussions might at least help to lessen the sting of survivors' anguish in the wake of an irrevocable decision, ostensibly made for their sakes.

                  Please forgive me if I'm overstepping - it's a liberty I took due to the public nature of the thread, and because I know several people who live with free-floating guilt and unanswerable questions.
                  MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

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                    #25
                    I am going to echo the sentiments above. I have had a family member (extended) commit suicide and all of us wonder what we could have done to prevent this person from leaving us. I do know that he was in a lot of pain, but we were all there for him, or so we thought. Please don't do this for them. You need to talk to them, let them know your thoughts and hear them out. I can not imagine how difficult that conversation will be, but I do think that it is important to have it.
                    ckf
                    The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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                      #26
                      Originally posted by Tim C. View Post
                      I just want to finish things for my family and be on my way , I can’t stay being a burden to them
                      tim don/t know you really all i can say my cousin 16 years old crack baby she adopt at 2days old committed sucide in her basement because his bithmother did not want even though susie love to him showed him loved repeatly. then a few years ago her husdand of 30 years finds out cancer in throat commits suicde in car she was shattered

                      if you go that route please make sure your loved know it not their fault just be a rest in ur mind and i hope your at peace with the lord

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                        #27
                        I hope that this advice from everyone helps you in your decision. Please know that you can always come back and post other questions.
                        ckf
                        The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

                        Comment


                          #28
                          Originally posted by Tetracyclone View Post

                          The Reeve Foundation just posted an article about panic attacks. There could be something in it useful to you, Tim.

                          https://www.christopherreeve.org/blo...eid=234b00baa3
                          Thank you Reeve Foundation. I only wish your advice wasn’t some thing I read dozens of times before. If only the advice came in pill form, some thing easy to swallow unlike huge antibiotic. Rather, something that takes the edge off of my stress that does not constipate.

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                            #29
                            I am not sure what to add to this discussion. I would ecourage you to speak with your family and also a counselor. You might be surprised at their responses.
                            ckf
                            The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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