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Enjoy the Company of Other Wheeler

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    Enjoy the Company of Other Wheeler

    Do you enjoy being with folks with SCI? Do you seek the company of other wheelers? My answer to both questions is yes. When with AB friends often they are too helpful and overly prone to praise me for being inspirational, etc. With other PWDs I am treated as one of the club members. Our conversations likely to be SCI life-centered but not totally.
    You C.A.N.
    Conquer Adversity Now

    #2
    Usually, at least for a time. But over time I gravitate towards people that engage my values and interests and stimulate communication because of that.
    69yo male T12 complete since 1995
    NW NJ

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      #3
      I completely understand and somewhat agree. I am not one to use SCI Speak at length with other rollers, but in some respects we have language of our own foreign to ABs. If, in conversation I say, "I experienced Autonomic Dysreflexia yesterday" or "'I'm getting a butt mapping Friday." Their responses are blank, unknowing stares. I am truly comfortable in the company of folks that look like me. There is no prejudgment, no one offers to push me, ask about my sex life, or, "You're gonna get a speeding ticket" when rolling. Yes, most of my close friends are ABs. but wheelers also enjoy stimulating conversation that is not SCI centric. I value the companionship from both walks/rolls of life.
      You C.A.N.
      Conquer Adversity Now

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        #4
        I tried doing the SCI group thing, but didn't find much locally. A couple very cool cats running the local basketball team, and PVA's regional handcycle race team, but over all I encountered folks who didn't seem (or act) very happy, or terribly nice, and definitely not much fun to be around or share with.

        Maybe having one of the worst things that can possibly happen to a human body, and leave it alive, tends toward leaving a fair chunk of us bitter and jaded, I dunno, but it sure seemed that way to me, when I've tried engaging in local SCI group stuff, with a few notable exceptions.



        Present company excluded (for the most part).

        "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

        "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

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          #5
          Oddity: yeah, my experience is pretty congruent with yours. When I was rehabbing at Kessler in 95, they had a weekly spinal support group. I'd spent a lot of time in therapy as well as years of sharing at AA meetings. Maybe my expectations were too high, but I was dismayed when a bunch of newly paralyzed people just like me, folks who had had probably the greatest loss of their lives, chose to talk about the prospects of dating and how to do it, rather than to share their grief with one another.
          It was very upsetting to me to experience their denial rather than the opportunity to communicate their feelings with their new community.
          69yo male T12 complete since 1995
          NW NJ

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            #6
            I’ll admit I was a douche in my SCI youth. I used to go out of my way to not even make eye contact with other wheelers because to me in some weird way that was treating you different just like all the ABs. It was like pretending I didn’t even notice anything different about you, but in the most self absorbed, clearly disingenuous way.

            I’ve never had an SCI friend, which is why I think I find this forum so helpful and am so grateful for all of you to guide me through all this bullshittery. The most time I’ve spent cumulatively with any one wheelchair user was maybe four hours riding hand cycles with this dude one time shortly after my accident.

            But on the other hand I can count on three fingers the number of “new” friends I’ve made in my adult life and I still roll with a crew a dozen deep that I’ve mostly known for the past quarter century since middle school... so it’s hard to make time to get to know new people cuz I’d rather hang out with the homies whose kids call all of us uncle cuz we are around more than their real uncles. Also the homies don’t act weird. They would never think of offering to push the chair and none of them has ever called me an “inspiration”, but they’ll also break the chair down and throw it in the trunk without being asked when we ride together and one of my friends went from a house with no steps at the front door to a house with three steps and bought a portable ramp without saying shit to me. First time I came over he just had the ramp out like “this works right?”... it does.

            In recent years i hope I’ve been less of a prick to y’all. I’ll at least give you a head nod up even if we’re just passing on the street, and if you got some nice wheels or a Smartdrive I’ll probably give you a compliment. Still don’t really hang out with any SCIers, but these days it’s more because i got a lot going on and less because I’m insecure.

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              #7
              A friend of mine sent a woman she played wheelchair tennis with to my house to learn not to fall out of her chair. I opened the front door and fell in love with those eyes. She never left.

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                #8
                i agree it ticks me off for that ur so upbeat etc what are you supposed to do crawl in a corner not my style. there is a para that live here she is a riot 63years young hurricanne micheal destroyed her home and she is in prosses of rebuilding. when i first got hurt mitch c4c3 who is the best mechanic in town was super helpful. he run a wrecker service and top shop in town.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by vjls View Post
                  i agree it ticks me off for that ur so upbeat etc what are you supposed to do crawl in a corner not my style. there is a para that live here she is a riot 63years young hurricanne micheal destroyed her home and she is in prosses of rebuilding. when i first got hurt mitch c4c3 who is the best mechanic in town was super helpful. he run a wrecker service and top shop in town.
                  Vicky-are you saying Mitch the wrecker guy is paralyzed? For 24 years I was the paralyzed foreign car mechanic. It was Phils Foreign Car Service but I wish it was called "the Best Damn Garage in Town" (stolen from a good ole boy, Smokey Yunick)
                  69yo male T12 complete since 1995
                  NW NJ

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