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A friend in need and in pain

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  • A friend in need and in pain

    We have a friend whose mother was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at about 84 years old. She died on Friday, May 17. At the same time the brother of this same friend is suffering through the final stages of ALS, as he is on a feeding tube. What can you possibly say or do to console a friend going through this kind of pain. It is just so sad.

  • #2
    Oh, how awful! Yes...what can one possibly say or do, in this tragic situation? I think that just silently being there for your friend is probably the most loving course, though there's so much more you wish you could do. Later, words might have a place...but for now, your empathy and warmth will speak volumes. I'm so sorry.
    MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions


    • #3
      I'm with Bonnette. Ask "How are you doing? Really." Then just listen, no platitudes or shows of your own concerns. He will be ready to talk eventually if not today or tomorrow, so just keep asking. Offers of cooked food are usually very welcome and good support. Fresh salads included.


      • #4
        I agree. My dad died from pancreatic cancer, and the friends who reached out to me and offered to take care of running errands, help with memorial service arrangements, and just sit and let me talk were the the most supportive and compassionate in my mind.

        The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.


        • #5
          Just be there.

          My best friend from high school, Terry, was loosing his battle with non-hodgkin's lymphoma. I would visit him in hospital and hold his hand. Sometimes we talked other times we were silent.

          Just being there helped.

          He was 32 years old, married with a baby girl.

          "We must overcome difficulties rather than being overcome by difficulties."


          • #6
            I agree with what has been said thus far. I would add that do not be afraid to show your emotions or how it is affecting you. We think we have to be strong for this other person but sometimes we just need to help them grieve. I am not saying to manufacture anything but you may not need to hold back either. Sometimes we need permission or help to show our emotions. Sometimes we just need to cry or yell. Life can be unfair as I think we all know. Sometimes we just need a good cry and someone that makes us feel comfortable doing so