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Quads what keeps you going?

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    #16
    Thanks everyone for the feedback. So I'm not alone in my thoughts.. Life can be so cruel.. I hope the end is near. Good luck everyone.. (Para's you guys get to at least participate in activities, even though it's not ideal)
    "Life's a Party and Your Not Invited"

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      #17
      Originally posted by mrb View Post
      We can only control our own lives and no matter how much I want to keep it together I can't make someone else stay. So limited in what I can do and I understand her frustration and unable to change things. A problem for anyone with an SCI but worse for a high level quad when you can't even touch your partner. I'm not depressed just realistic, can't envisage a life alone. I hope that you manage to work it out.

      Getting the green light to switch the vent off has really helped, I thought that I would have to go to Switzerland which was a logistical nightmare. I'm now a lot more comfortable knowing that I have control, it has helped me a lot. I'd still prefer my body to make the decision but it keeps fighting, all the data says that I should have had a ventilator associated pneumonia by now and I haven't had a mild chest infection.

      We'll see where it goes but just knowing that I can end it makes things so much easier mentally, I'm lucky to have that option.
      This makes so much sense. Feeling in control is basic to human well-being, though many millions of people cannot get it. I have my plan, I have the stuff recommended in "Final Exit" in my closet. No worries.

      Of course you understand your wife's frustrations- they are the same as yours. She can bail, you cannot. I feel that both hubby and I gained so much in the earlier years from being together. That left me a much more whole person and "forever" is unnecessary. Your situation is so different- yet you handle it. May you have a bit of luck going forward.

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        #18
        Originally posted by MagikLair View Post
        Hello,
        been a quad for close to 25 years and I am having trouble keeping things going. I am just so depressed and would like to die. Money and some success haven't changed things..
        It's so hard to live in a world where there are so many things to do but yet you cannot participate.. I know there are a few people who want me here. But how about my quality of life?
        The happiest news I could receive is a doctor saying you have 3 months to live. Sorry for complaining I just am tired of this and want to know how others can stay positive.. Any feedback would be great!
        It's really hard isn't it? I couldn't help but sigh seeing your post as I've been feeling the same a lot lately. Injured in 91... got a good job, financial security, some good friends, some hobbies I enjoy, building a house, have a beautiful gf out of league who wants to marry who every day I wonder how such a gorgeous girl could want me with all the crap that comes along with me due to SCI... I mean what am I complaining about? I should be happy all things considered... but every day... up & down emotions... sadness, depression.... a fight not to be bitter/jealous when my gf mentions some experience she had I missed out on... or think why would I want to go there, what can I enjoy there, when she talks about taking a trip somewhere together... I don't know... it's hard... I miss getting up excited for each day feeling like anything's possible and feeling like there's a world of exciting opportunities awaiting me...... even on my best days I'd be lying if I said I woke up feeling like that. But the reality is it's mourning for those opportunities lost due to SCI... not that there are none. I wish I could go walk on a beach in Hawaii, play a game of pickup basketball with a few friend, bend my gf over and fuck her like I want to in my mind... but I can't... likely never will. And every day that will frustrate me. But I need to try to focus on the fact that I can go do an RC hobby with friends or catch a movie.... maybe never walk on that beach but still maybe experience the beauty more than just on my tv set.... and at the end of the day despite how inadequate I feel & doubtful I make her as happy as she deserves to be, my gf still wants to take me to bed, not some other guy. So the long-winded Coles notes answer is even if it's not the perfect life I dreamed of, far from it, it's still a lot more than many others have, more than it could have been, and as painful as it is at times to know what I'm missing out on it's the only life I'm going to have and I need/want to be as greedy as I can each day to enjoy & take as much enjoyment from it as I can. And I guess that's my best advice to you... be greedy, be stubborn, be angry over sad, and try to be a glutton in what you can enjoy to keep your mind off that which you can't. We'll never have what used to be back... and the more we mourn that the more we miss out on what's right before us that we can enjoy.

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          #19
          Originally posted by RJC View Post
          It's really hard isn't it? I couldn't help but sigh seeing your post as I've been feeling the same a lot lately. Injured in 91... got a good job, financial security, some good friends, some hobbies I enjoy, building a house, have a beautiful gf out of league who wants to marry who every day I wonder how such a gorgeous girl could want me with all the crap that comes along with me due to SCI... I mean what am I complaining about? I should be happy all things considered... but every day... up & down emotions... sadness, depression.... a fight not to be bitter/jealous when my gf mentions some experience she had I missed out on... or think why would I want to go there, what can I enjoy there, when she talks about taking a trip somewhere together... I don't know... it's hard... I miss getting up excited for each day feeling like anything's possible and feeling like there's a world of exciting opportunities awaiting me...... even on my best days I'd be lying if I said I woke up feeling like that. But the reality is it's mourning for those opportunities lost due to SCI... not that there are none. I wish I could go walk on a beach in Hawaii, play a game of pickup basketball with a few friend, bend my gf over and fuck her like I want to in my mind... but I can't... likely never will. And every day that will frustrate me. But I need to try to focus on the fact that I can go do an RC hobby with friends or catch a movie.... maybe never walk on that beach but still maybe experience the beauty more than just on my tv set.... and at the end of the day despite how inadequate I feel & doubtful I make her as happy as she deserves to be, my gf still wants to take me to bed, not some other guy. So the long-winded Coles notes answer is even if it's not the perfect life I dreamed of, far from it, it's still a lot more than many others have, more than it could have been, and as painful as it is at times to know what I'm missing out on it's the only life I'm going to have and I need/want to be as greedy as I can each day to enjoy & take as much enjoyment from it as I can. And I guess that's my best advice to you... be greedy, be stubborn, be angry over sad, and try to be a glutton in what you can enjoy to keep your mind off that which you can't. We'll never have what used to be back... and the more we mourn that the more we miss out on what's right before us that we can enjoy.
          I'll take it. I don't need the gorgeous woman part, I'll kindly settle for average or below average. That reminds me, after like 20 years. My female cousin was here and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was like wow that's amazing. It felt so nice.. Human contact is very underrated. Anyhow SCI is difficult for everyone.. Best regards
          "Life's a Party and Your Not Invited"

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            #20
            A few years ago I went beyond depression to a state of numbness. I have been doing bed rest for almost 5 years. I only get out to see the doctor and whatnot. I have had four ileus's in two years. The good thing about these ileus's is that I usually didn't go to the hospital until late night, which gave me a chance to see the stars for a few minutes (until the stretcher gets loaded into the ambulance). So what keeps me going? An irrational fear of death and a vain sense that I might have something to offer humanity (something more than a "That's what she said" joke). There are a lot of things that I would like to be doing (more productive things), but being the slacker and procrastinator that I am, I always have a good excuse why the timing is wrong. I keep busy by entering contests online and playing games like Words with Friends. Anyhow, I don't know if this helps, but my advice is to find something fun/fun-ish and delve into it, to distract you from the doldrum that you're in... before you fall deeper into the rut.

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              #21
              Originally posted by MagikLair View Post
              I'll take it. I don't need the gorgeous woman part, I'll kindly settle for average or below average. That reminds me, after like 20 years. My female cousin was here and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was like wow that's amazing. It felt so nice.. Human contact is very underrated. Anyhow SCI is difficult for everyone.. Best regards
              I'm totally not downplaying it nor taking it for granted... just pointing out how fucked up depression can be that even when you get things you want you're still somehow unhappy with some aspect. I probably annoy her with how much I pester her for physical contact and press to initiate it at times. I find the physical distance a chair creates very hard to deal with. Likely one of the hardest things

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                #22
                Originally posted by RJC View Post
                I'm totally not downplaying it nor taking it for granted... just pointing out how fucked up depression can be that even when you get things you want you're still somehow unhappy with some aspect. I probably annoy her with how much I pester her for physical contact and press to initiate it at times. I find the physical distance a chair creates very hard to deal with. Likely one of the hardest things
                This is one of, if not the most, truly realistic comments for a quad dealing with life.

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                  #23
                  The aspect of physical contact missing in a quad's life can never be understated.
                  It's enough for me to want to blow off this world in hopes the next one maybe better.

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                    #24
                    I'd trade years off this life for getting back a day or two of my former life. I live in profound sadness each day.

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                      #25
                      25 years next June. I've never been depressed. Just pissed off and how stupid this is.
                      www.myquadriplegia.com

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                        #26
                        16 years roughly. What keeps me going? Not giving up through all the suck. I consider myself lucky that I haven't had it as hard as others.

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                          #27
                          How anyone could not be depressed after having known what good life can be only then to experience this shit?

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                            #28
                            A day a single day of being normal I would trade the rest of my life off Just to have one single solitary day of my old life back.

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                              #29
                              My life as a C5 quad is better than I ever imagined it would be. After my injury 17 years ago, I went back to school to get a master's degree, started as an adjunct instructor, was hired full-time, earned my PhD, and am now an associate professor with tenure. I married my "super wife" a few years ago and we have a beautiful home overlooking the lake where we were married. Yes, my life would be better if I wasn't a quad, but it's still pretty wonderful.
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                                #30
                                31 yrs. post for me and I suffer from serious anxiety and depression. What keeps me going is poker. I'm lucky to live in L.A. which has a plethora of card rooms. That and my job keeps me busy, but to be honest I'm just tired. Tired of the grind.

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