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A question of etiquette

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    A question of etiquette

    Looking up an old friend online hoping to wish him a happy birthday, I learned that he died two years ago in a skiing accident.. I never have met his wife and kids, just talked about them with him, so wonderfully in love. At this point, should I just keep my sadness to myself, or still send condolences? I really want to reach out to her, but I don?t want to intrude into her life now, to use later. The only way I see to do that now is to go to a go fund me page set up at the time for them. Would that even still be working? Would it be horrible to do at this point anyway?

    Do you not have an e-mail address or snail mail address for him and his family? Have you searched for an on-line obituary which allows you to leave a message (although most of these are only good for a year unless the family pays more to extend it)?

    I would try to find an address on-line, and send an snail mail letter to the "Family of XXXX" expressing your grief and sharing some memories of this person. I am sure they would love to hear from you, even at this late date.

    The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.


      A dear friend of mine lost her husband about 17 years ago now. It was horrible, it was the hardest thing. She and I spent hours on the phone talking weekly for the first few years, then our calls became less frequent though we still can't shut up. He invariably comes up. I loved him like a brother.

      What I know from her grief, my own years spent grieving my own losses, and from my other friends who've suffered losses is that no condolence comes too late. People smother those in grief the first few months with cards, letters, flowers, casseroles, you name it. Then it all fades, but that person is still grieving. I can't tell you who said what to me in the days after my Mama died or my Daddy died, I can tell you that I do remember people who share a great memory with me years down the road and let me know how sorry they are that a person we mutually knew and loved is gone.

      Send that letter, card or email. If you have a photo with your friend or a funny anecdote, share it. The family (I've been the family) feels so close and so touched when one person reaches out in love and purity. It reaffirms that person had meaning for other people, it broadens their world, their view of their loved one and allows for another point of contact. I'm now doing that for my friend's daughter. She's now 18, we communicate on instagram. I tell her silly things her Dad used to do. She has heard all her Mom's stories, but not those of his friends. As soon as she's 21 she gets to hear the drunken tales!
      CCS/Walker's a long story


        She'd be thrilled with a remembrance. Believe me!
        Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?


          A lot of good advice above...

          Twenty years later I remember receiving a very thoughtful note from a friend / former coworker several months after my Dad passed away.
          Last edited by ChesBay; 23 Feb 2019, 4:37 PM. Reason: ETA content