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  • Reflections

    Once again, I found myself on site again reading through old threads, this week. Missing friends and searching for all the good conversations to relive old times. I even read through 'Kate's online journal' in Caregivers, as I had been meaning to do that for more than 10 years. I 'met' a few new people and got to know others a little better. The deaths have a sobering affect. I am learning to be a better listener, these past couple of years. It is a unique thing getting to 'read' about a child growing up, or a family going through a life cycle in a couple of days. Different from the days as a child, when just a handful of years seemed so far away.
    Contrast that with watching my nieces and nephews grow up and raise children of their own over the years. My oldest nephew grew up while I lived in TX in the 90s. Just went through hurricane Harvey a few months back. We reflected back to when I took him and a few of the neighborhood kids riding through flood waters, up to our bicycle seats in places, over the span of a couple of days.
    My youngest nephew is coming in this morning from California. His dad married my sister in 2000 while I was doing time in Tx. So he grew up around me while they were busy working. I built him and his brother their first computers, and naturally gamed with them, his older brother moved out/in with his mom a few years later. Cameron(younger) and I stayed together until he went to college and finally Japan for his last year, until moving to CA for a job programming for a gaming company in 2011. It was no surprise he took that route in life. Now he's coming in tomorrow for a few days, for the holidays.
    My other nephew and three nieces live away from here and all have families also. I don't get to spend any time with them either. My brother lives in TX and if I had the money, I'd be there too. My best friend is homeless in FL. He helped me immensely in the months prior to and after my sci. I watched him get married and have a daughter just after injury, and occupied there house for a few weeks while they traveled to show her to their respective parents in different places. I was her 'godfather' as they were loosely catholic. We kept in contact when I moved away, his wife died, I moved him and daughter to TX a few years later, kept up with them for years as she went through school, over the phone...yada...
    Lost touch for a while and last year found out he was a grandpop and Cheyenne had run off and wasn't talking to him anymore. Sometimes we make foolish mistakes and it costs us.
    I feel I have had about 9 distinctly different 'lives', counted them up yesterday. Had that urge after a two day stint reading here. We talk about every week. Kills me that I can't go help him. His van threw a rod a few months back. He had lost his house a year and a half ago, everything's in storage except the tools he used daily and that bill is about over his head. If I could load my tools into my truck and drive down and not be paralyzed for a day, we could fix it. Five months before I wrecked, he broke the frame on his jeep and was at a loss because of lack of money to get another vehicle. I loaded up my welder and drove over and fixed it in his driveway. I was always the man who could fix anything, anywhere, anytime. I still can, with a place to work and the right circumstances, but I live in a mudhole where it's impossible to do much anymore. I started this REREADING venture at carecure to get my motivation back.
    There are so MANY of you out there fighting daily to survive, with far greater problems than I, it embarrasses me to whine about little complications. I read Christina Symanski's blog a week ago, after going through some old emails of Bob Clark's to me, talking about her. Then I came here to read. I've been watching the world turn into the hellhole that says the end is near. Trying to speak words of warning and understanding to those who will listen. There is a world out there that needs help. Becoming a better listener is key. There is a wealth of information on this site, from thousands of folks, who have lived through some of the toughest times, information that solves problems. As humanity degrades and tries to wipe each other out, and all the distractions of the puppeteers tries to blind you, remember life is like this takes some time to sort through the debris to find the pearls. Listen for the still small voice. It's there.

  • #2
    good to see your doing well cap. we have lost many here over the years.. ive found as I get older I feel more of a sense of "community" with other SCI's. have made some great friends etc from working in our community.
    best to you, happy holidays. rep
    c4/5 inc funtioning c6. 28 yrs post.
    sponsored handcycle racer


    • #3
      Good hearing from ya John, hope you and your wife have a happy turkey day too. I'm the only one in the community here , so there aren't any peers to rub shoulders with. I literally have to go for a drive just to get cell reception. Keep riding, I miss it, hope I can get something going and get somewhere so I can. It makes a huge difference health wise!