Husband left me

[darlagee22]

I need a dose of "I'm strong!" "I can do this!" My husband left me for another woman after 37 years of marriage ( I was injured 13 years ago). He has been so good to me and then after a very hard year he leaned on a friend of ours and it developed into an affair. We had sold our wonderfully accessible home and moved to Hawaii last September with plans of building our dream house but we were unable to get a construction loan. Also I had a huge bladder reconstruction surgery before we left and almost died of a septic infection and had a super hard recovery and didn't feel like myself again til January.

He left me in Hawaii 6 weeks ago and came back to Oregon. I came back a couple weeks later and have been staying with family and am going through a HUGE adjustment. I loved the environment of Hawaii but emotionally need my friends and family. I need to find a more permanent and more accessible place to live but have never lived alone and don't look forward to it. I know I need to go through a grieving period and to have hope for a good life. I believe God will do good things for me.

Any encouragement or advice?

[ketamine kitty]

mmm so sorry. You can find strength, and peace. I would recommend vipassana meditation, insight Mindfulness. It helps me, and helped last year with the deaths of a brother, father, mother and my wife throwing me out of the house in addition to my central pain. I am strong and resilient.

I wish you peace.

May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you be kind
May you love yourself
May you ride the waves of your life
May you live in peace and ease no matter what life gives you.

kindly -ket

[nonoise]

Do exactly as you are, reach out, and accept help offered. Grieving heals. You will make it through this very difficult adjustment time. Your positive attitude shown in your post will carry you to new happiness.

[SCI-Nurse]

So sorry this happened to you. I would recommend that you get some counseling, perhaps in a group for people going through separation and divorce. It has been very helpful for many people that I know.

(KLD)

[Bonnette]

Definitely recommend counseling to help you get through this hard, hard time. At some point, you'll be looking at it through the rearview mirror, but for now it's a rough one day-at-a-time slog and support is important. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[Patton57]

Guard your share of the assets no matter how emotionally distraught you feel. Emotional stuff heals over time but you'll have a brutal time rebuilding the assets you accumulated along the way from your youth.

I'm ten years past a "disappear off the face of the earth" divorce and about 95% over the emotional stuff. The financial damage will require that I work another 8-10 years than I expected. I have no guarantees that I'll make it in my extremely competitive profession for this long. I sacrificed most of my 20s and 30s so I would have the option to retire or do something else in my mid-40s. Now I live day to day hoping I make it through each annual review process and hope to work into my mid-50s.

My ex-wife had a feel good helping people type career (low paying) and had no interest in money until she disappeared. When she left she had the best divorce lawyer in town and had our assets frozen within 48 hours of having moved out.

On another slightly related front, I have come across two women while dating that got sick or injured in their late 40s and early 50s and had great lives (jointly well off from their marriages) before their ailments. Within a year their husbands moved themselves and assets to a country in the Middle East leaving them with no money to retain a lawyer to fight through international red tape to get access to some of their joint assets. There's an emotional and business side to love!

[lynnifer]

Oh no I'm so sorry!

Holding my tongue as I'm still angry at men.

You will get through this.

Came back to edit: We will make sure you get through this. How is the bladder surgery one year later?

[Mombo]

I'm so sorry to hear this! However, I'm going to be really honest: If you haven't done it yet, HIRE the best divorce lawyer you can find. If your husband tells you not to worry that he will make sure you are taken care of: DONT BELIEVE IT!!! Too many of my friends were devastated when their husbands left them. They sat around and felt sorrow, which is understandable, but don't let your guard down! Take care of business first, you can cry later! Best of luck to you!!!

[ChesBay]

Very sorry to hear you are going through this Darlagee. I have always admired your courage and positivity in your posts and blog.

From having been in a similar situation I must agree with what others have said, protect your assets. It's going to be important in the long run.
Also agree counseling and friends. So sorry you are going through this.

[Curt Leatherbee]

Read my signature on the bottom of the page and this may comfort you. Life is all about changes and we all need to just roll with the punches. You will make it through all this and will be a stronger person for it.





"Life is about how you
respond to not only the
challenges you're dealt but
the challenges you seek...If
you have no goals, no
mountains to climb, your
soul dies".~Liz Fordred

[titanium4motion]

You are a strong woman. Hang in there!

darlagee22 you are a strong woman! To live with a SCI and take care of yourself is an undaunting task in itself.

I got injured 12 day before I was to be married. We got married two months after I was released from the hospital. After 8 years of marriage she came home and said, "I don't want to be married anymore. Your disability doesn't go away! (Ouch! What an excuse!) I want my freedom!" So I gave her her freedom. Three months after the divorce was finalized she calls me and tells me, "I got married again! To a doctor! Oh well you did good. Left a man of health for a man of wealth.

At 10:00 o'clock I would watch the news and shut it off at 10:30 p.m. after the weather and go to bed. One night they had a story of man stopping his car on the Valley View Bridge in Cuyahoga Valley near Cleveland, Ohio, getting out, climbing the fence and jumping 150 plus feet to the bottom.

About 8 years latter I bump into my ex at the grocery store with a small boy in the cart. We talked for a short time and told me she got married again! (For the third time!). I asked what happen to the second marriage? He jumped off the Valley View Bridge and committed suicide! So who is the man of health and the man of wealth? I stopped saying that.

Her boy has HFA, high functioning autism.

During my time I was single again I got together with old friends and made new friends. Went to church with a friend regularly also helped. Talk with family, parents, brothers or sisters or a personal confidant. I also did things "I never had time for." I went back to college and earned my bachelor's degree. I also traveled domestically and internationally which boosted my moral and confidence.

During my first flight to China dinner was being served in the cabin. A fortune cookie was given to every passenger with their meal. I left my fortune cookie for last. Eating my dinner I wondering what it would say? I was done with my meal and I just looked at this cookie. I opened it and it said, "We must overcome difficulties rather than being overcome by difficulties." I sat back and smiled. What has life taught me?

Hang in there!

Valuable lessons are always being learned and there are endless wonderful gifts waiting for us, especially as a result of the tough breaks we have to deal with. Some people just can't deal with what has happen to them let alone to look to the future and move forward. Live your life to the fullest each and every day. Human life is precious. Your heart is open and love is still strong. Your mind is strong and still learning. Make peace with God.

It's not your fault.

Take care of yourself,

Ti

[Ramblinfree]

While it may seem impossible now you will get through this and gain your confidence again. I left my husband in April 2015 and I can remember feeling lost, low self esteem, out of control at times, completely devastated. I can remember questioning whether I had the physical ability to be a single mom. The best choices I made were: good attorney to protect me legally, group divorce counseling at my church early on, seeking out more support systems for me and my children, and allowing myself to feel the horrid emotions rather than avoiding them. The time frame is different for everyone. One year later I am able to look back and see how I've grown and Now I'm not wasting so much energy enduring something that was past fixing. You can do this.

[nmireles]

So sorry to hear that, it's touch I have been there before. T-10 injury myself post 23 years. Curious what's your level of injury? You can do this, and you have friends in the forum to reach out to.

[SCI-Nurse]

So sorry to hear that, it's touch I have been there before. T-10 injury myself post 23 years. Curious what's your level of injury? You can do this, and you have friends in the forum to reach out to.

Those who have complete profiles usually have their LOI listed on their profile, as does this OP.

(KLD)

[nmireles]

Thanks Nurse