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Inspiration, "you're so strong" haha

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  • Inspiration, "you're so strong" haha

    I am going to crack, the next person to say how strong or inspiring I am i'm going to smash in my imagination, because it's not like I could even do the slightest bit of harm realistically. Most of the time it happens at the bar, I'm drinking away, they're yelling in my ear how I inspires them etc. I just smile and nod cause there's nothing more degrading then being the miserable cripple. But In my head I'm thinking get away from me you close minded, na?ve, weak, fuck! If Someone in a wheelchair that is taking care of 24 seven, takes a crane to get out of bed inspires you just because they're living that way you are waste, you have no ambition, no real reason to even be inspired, but that's not entirely true really they're just very ignorant. A quadriplegic just in the perspective of living as a quadriplegic is as inspiring and strength worthy as a plastic bag being blown in the wind!! Seriously the bag has no choice, it just goes with the wind, because that's the way it is, wind just decided to blow that way, can't change the wind it's just reality so it goes with the flow.

    Worst is hearing I couldn't do what you do, as if it's some kind of impressive feat or accomplishment. Well buddy it's really this simple, something tragic happens you wake up in the hospital people take care of you perform surgery on you, you lay there doing nothing! Then depending on your injury they put you in a wheelchair, tell you how to take care of yourself or how to be taken care of then give you some pills, a few motivational one-liners and send you on your way. Most people don't have the balls to kill themselves, or have reasons not to like children etc. So really it just happens, nothing to it, nothing is really done at all by the person in the chair just kind of drifted through the process until their sent into society. Ooooo that was really difficult! Lmao

    One day if I research, and bust my ass and get out out of the chair it is definitely worthy of respect, inspiration that took strength. Or maybe if a wheelchair athlete wins gold worth as much respect as any other athletes. Starting from nothing and becoming a multimillionaire worthy of respect inspiration it's a story!

    Ok coolin off...
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 09-15-2015, 09:49 PM.

  • #2
    James "Tell it like it is" McM - My new favorite person on CC.
    I agree. Thankfully,euthanasia laws will be kicking in for us Canucks in a couple years.

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    • #3
      I used to be angry like that for many years.

      It does take courage to be in that bar and suspending your real feelings to save the person saying such things to you.

      After all, you could just lay in bed and waste your life away. Or starve to death.
      Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

      T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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      • #4
        Let me tell you any person that can lay in bed and starve to death, like that one woman for example that was in the group home after her injury. Yeah that takes serious self-control and no small dose of bravery. These cripples that completely lock themselves in their house doing nothing, I don't know how they do that that would drive me absolutely insane whether they're hiding or whatever still take some kind of mental strength!

        definitely doesn't take courage, not at all but it takes self-control! Thats for sure

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        • #5
          What about the mental fortitude it takes to try and live a normal life after catastrophic disability? I'd say that takes more courage ..
          Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

          T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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          • #6
            One reason I tend not to go to bars. People who drink and don't understand things about disability can be a bad combination.
            "Life is about how you
            respond to not only the
            challenges you're dealt but
            the challenges you seek...If
            you have no goals, no
            mountains to climb, your
            soul dies".~Liz Fordred

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            • #7
              I was powerless when I got paralyzed all I had was anger. Anger moved me and gave me a sense of fleeting power but there are consequences to being angry. In other words I learned its not a good idea to piss people off when I was so dependent on them for help. So I picked up my stuff and just tried to be happy. Still working on that. Even now after much self reflection and interpersonal work some days I don't get dressed but stay home and look forward to the next nap. Pain gives me a flat negative affect sometimes and that's just the way it is. We all have good days and bad days. But gradually over the years I did some things and got a little self respect so when people say I am an inspiration I thank them. I have taken a lot from the system and the people in it so even if I feel powerless and negative its my duty to give them a smile and make their day a little happier, that's the least I can do. On good days I smile and share with them what it was like to adapt my Harley and maybe they will go away with a smile and tell a friend or relative in a chair what they saw today. On bad days I stay home and like right now I write about it to people I think can kind of relate. Tomorrow is a new day James

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              • #8
                Next time just invite them to spend 30 minutes talking to you, James. That'll change their mind, I'm sure.
                "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

                "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

                "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus, Fragments

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                • #9
                  I've experienced a number of times what James has, "You're such an inspiration!'. I, too got a little tired of this, so I started asking them what I inspired them to do. Funny thing was, not many really had an answer. They were just saying it pretend they know or know what I'm going through. I'm going through the same difficult time that most of you probably have. I'm tired of being a burden. My wife comes home from work and gets to deal with me. Upset that I haven't come up with an idea for dinner because "you're home all day". Never mind that her digestive system can't handle any meat. Tired of having to depend on people for things to get done. Tired of the bladder issues causing me needing to be changed 3 or 4 times a day. Tired of the pain. Can't recall how many times I've asked the dear Lord to take me in my sleep. Don't know why I lived through the accident, oh wait..yeah, so I can be an inspiration. My thought process is such that if I had died, I would be missed, but everyone could move on with their lives and eventually I would be a distant, but pleasant memory. Now, I get to be a constant reminder to how I've screwed up their lives. The kids have moved on, at times as if I'm not here because they only talk to their mother. Can't get them to answer e-mail. Yeah, what an inspiration. Feel like I'm in my own "Ground Hog Day" movie except it is a weekly thing. Maybe once I get a pain issue resolved along with a bladder issue, a cardio issue and a wound issue I might have a different outlook. Being dependent on people won't change and that's still a big issue with me. Also, hoping that my wife can start smiling again someday instead of feeling she has to take care of me and that seems to bring her down. Enough of the pity party for now.

                  DaDutchman

                  C5-C6 since 12/1/07
                  DaDutchman
                  C5/C6 since 2007 due to car accident

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                  • #10
                    really?

                    Originally posted by Oddity View Post
                    Next time just invite them to spend 30 minutes talking to you, James. That'll change their mind, I'm sure.
                    says the L1 to the C4 quad.

                    No offense Dale, but you are really off base. I'm sure you think your snide remark slipped by on this one, strumming your guitar with your wife and kids floating about, but try for a moment to consider someone elses feelings. The guy is still so fresh, the first 5 years are an Impossibilium to someone with James's disability.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Oddity View Post
                      Next time just invite them to spend 30 minutes talking to you, James. That'll change their mind, I'm sure.
                      Nah Man, if I spent 30 minutes talking to them I give them a real reason to be inspired!

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by tooley View Post
                        says the L1 to the C4 quad.

                        No offense Dale, but you are really off base. I'm sure you think your snide remark slipped by on this one, strumming your guitar with your wife and kids floating about, but try for a moment to consider someone elses feelings. The guy is still so fresh, the first 5 years are an Impossibilium to someone with James's disability.
                        Dude no worries this Dale guys is a fluff. He remains in his ignorance whatever, also he probably thinks he he is some sort of an inspiration because he has a L1 catastrophic injury and still has the tremendous courage to find the happiness and motivation to still pick up a guitar oooooooo. Or Maybe he knows a C1 injury, that has a lift on his ceiling to pick him up and still goes outside or is an engineer even more ooooooohhh so impressive! Haha

                        I appreciate you sticking up for me man, but i'm not upset I'm not even hurtin. But whether I am 3 or 15 years, clearly there are many examples that doesn't matter. Fact is just the simple act of living with a spinal cord injury is not an accomplishment, nor is it impressive, and it does not mean someone is deserving of respect, literally anyone can do it it takes no effort! therefore it really shouldn't be inspiring. As I said there are things that you can do in a wheelchair or out of one that are inspiring but not the simple fact of living in a chair, being dependent. No no no.

                        Before all of the paraplegics talk about the great effort they put in transferring themselves into the chair, ruining their shoulders pushing everywhere etc., is an able bodied person inspiring from wearing down their knees because they walked everywhere, or cutting wood to heat their house no it's just what has to be done, the way things work.
                        Last edited by JamesMcM; 09-18-2015, 03:05 PM.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by DaDutchman View Post
                          I've experienced a number of times what James has, "You're such an inspiration!'. I, too got a little tired of this, so I started asking them what I inspired them to do. Funny thing was, not many really had an answer. They were just saying it pretend they know or know what I'm going through. I'm going through the same difficult time that most of you probably have. I'm tired of being a burden. My wife comes home from work and gets to deal with me. Upset that I haven't come up with an idea for dinner because "you're home all day". Never mind that her digestive system can't handle any meat. Tired of having to depend on people for things to get done. Tired of the bladder issues causing me needing to be changed 3 or 4 times a day. Tired of the pain. Can't recall how many times I've asked the dear Lord to take me in my sleep. Don't know why I lived through the accident, oh wait..yeah, so I can be an inspiration. My thought process is such that if I had died, I would be missed, but everyone could move on with their lives and eventually I would be a distant, but pleasant memory. Now, I get to be a constant reminder to how I've screwed up their lives. The kids have moved on, at times as if I'm not here because they only talk to their mother. Can't get them to answer e-mail. Yeah, what an inspiration. Feel like I'm in my own "Ground Hog Day" movie except it is a weekly thing. Maybe once I get a pain issue resolved along with a bladder issue, a cardio issue and a wound issue I might have a different outlook. Being dependent on people won't change and that's still a big issue with me. Also, hoping that my wife can start smiling again someday instead of feeling she has to take care of me and that seems to bring her down. Enough of the pity party for now.

                          DaDutchman

                          C5-C6 since 12/1/07
                          Don't have an answer because they're just saying it, nothing about it actually inspires them haha OR they'll give you the well I couldn't do what you do line. I hear ya man, good luck in what your doing! What you brought up is something else entirely, deserving of its own discussion. If i would've died that night I just would've been the hardheaded, strong-willed kid that walked to the gym every day, and then walk to the boxing club then walked through the snow home, because he didn't want to ask parents for a ride. But now if I died my best friends since grade one Will remember the time he had to clean the shit from under me (btw I said I'd sleep in the chair in it until I got home, wouldn't let me ). My father will remember putting tubes down my dick, and everyone else just remembered the kid in wheelchair! Is the sad reality of injuries that take away your independence. I have a high sense of irony but I wish you All the best man!
                          Last edited by JamesMcM; 09-18-2015, 03:21 PM.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by lynnifer View Post
                            What about the mental fortitude it takes to try and live a normal life after catastrophic disability? I'd say that takes more courage ..
                            Well everyone's perspective of normal is different, there really is no such thing as normal. And I wouldn't describe someone with severe anxiety getting out in the public even though they're scared as courageous. I describe it as doing better for themselves, same as catastrophic disability. Just because you're crippled and you're trying to live a "good" life , courageous, mental fortitude no! you're trying to benefit yourself, trying to make things better, easier etc that's a good thing, but it's not a courageous thing.

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                            • #15
                              Exactly James! How would I be remembered if I had died in the accident versus now. It kind of falls along the lines of Dr. Death, Jack Kevorkian and how those people want to be remembered before whatever disease consumed them. You're right in that it could be a separate discussion.

                              I was keeping a Caring Bridge site updated while I was in the hospital and that's where a number of the comments came about being such an inspiration. I would sit there and wonder what did I do. Wasn't I an inspiration before the accident? I would like to think as a Boy Scout Leader, a coach for various sports, an usher and church council member, community volunteer, etc., that I was an inspiration to someone. At the very least one of my three children. Now I'm not sure I'm an inspiration to my children based on how they communicate with me now. Something that will take work by all parties.
                              DaDutchman
                              C5/C6 since 2007 due to car accident

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