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Its better to burn out... Than fade away...!

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  • Its better to burn out... Than fade away...!

    Any Def Leppard fans in the house?

    As the song says - Its better to burn out than fade away.

    I am 5 years away from a milestone b-day and approaching 30 years as a quad.... I'm tired. I've had enough. Life is hard. (Despite my moderate trappings of success)

    I have a fantasy of a 5 year long "hangover Movie" type party. (I'd be the bradley Cooper guy) Travel to far off places and party the fuck out ticking off as many bucket list elements as possible.

    Then the day after the big milestone - Sayōnara.

    I have the money - Just not a group of friends to take off with. They are all living the happy A/B life I was supposed to live. That all of you were supposed to live.

    What's this post anyway? A vent? A call out for wolf pack bro's (again see hangover movie reference?) An ad for nurses or caregivers to travel with...?

    Arg! So frusterated!

  • #2
    This crap gets harder as I get older ... and I'm only a para!
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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    • #3
      Used to bang on them in the 80s also. I used to practice that attitude up til my mid twenties or so. I don't practice that anymore, i just wait for the rare days that occur when I can enjoy life and try to pick and choose my poisons carefully taking care of my health. Like Lynnifer said and I also am only a para. Ya just have to find a true friend or friends that care about you. I get those feelings of saying fork it also, especially the last couple of years. I am hoping to TRY to find a way to move to a state that I can grow my own meds in so I can get rid of this tumor and get back to some sort of a life. I am fortunate that I at least have a place to go drinking where I can trust most of them.

      https://www.facebook.com/john.baxter.1213986

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      • #4
        Life as an SCI for 32 years has had its ups and downs. Last year had to retire and get back on SSA at 49. Got a colostomy but I am tainted goods now, nobody wants to hire a gimp gimp. Now for pain, tension and depression I use my own home grown meds and my mornings are great but after a few hours of sitting up my legs start twitching and back gets a shot of nerve pain about every 2 seconds fueling the trip down the road of depression. So I eat and crash in bed and give my mind and body a rest. Few weeks ago I did some soul searching when I got home from the hospital after a colostomy got installed and while looking at myself my breathing became labored and I tried to find something to live for, to look forward to that would motivate me to keep breathing. Didn't find much except just the totally reptilian thought of SURVIVE. Like there is no other choice the primary directive is to survive. Was really a unmotivating feeling but here I am. I hope you find some direction CG, which ever way that leads you.

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        • #5
          Tumour? WTF Captain oh captain? Not serious I hope (as silly as that sounds). You've had a rough go of it the last few years. I was talking to another old timer (I passed 30 last week) and my first 20 were way easy .. these last ten have been hard and getting harder.
          Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

          T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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          • #6
            Hey Folks,

            Thanks for the replies. I think CapnGimp, you are right about just having a good friend or two... I really only have acquaintances. Sorry to hear about the tumour. Just what you needed, eh?

            Lynnifer, I think you hit the nail on the head. sci's age faster and the older we get, not unlike ab's, the more health related challenges we face.

            Hence my OP title as I close in on 50. Better to burn out than fade away! Death by snu snu in Japan or Bangcock https://youtu.be/eCdrUW--Jic -(not xrated. Futurama cartoon clip) Not a bad way to go.
            Last edited by CowboyCrip; 08-03-2015, 02:36 PM.

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            • #7
              luuuv me some FUTURAMA!!

              https://www.facebook.com/john.baxter.1213986

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              • #8
                On the other hand, anyone thinking of ending it with the epidural stimulation going on now, is ending it prematurely. It looks like the game changer.
                Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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                • #9
                  In five years the Epidural Stimulation will be all set to go
                  "Life is about how you
                  respond to not only the
                  challenges you're dealt but
                  the challenges you seek...If
                  you have no goals, no
                  mountains to climb, your
                  soul dies".~Liz Fordred

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                  • #10
                    LOL, you made me smile with the 5 years and it's all set to go Curt. I hope so but boy we sure have heard that 5 year tune before. Everyday is one day closer!

                    I sure hear you guys. I'm 42 years in and man it is getting tougher. As long as I can handcycle and keep in reasonable good health I'll tough it out.I don't want to jinx anything by saying once I reach a certain plateau that's it, cause usually that's what happens.

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                    • #11
                      Relied a bit too much on the power chair I bought last September ... also had time in bed with pressure sores on my rump ... boy is it ever tough to come back from that! I haven't yet!

                      The Phase I trial of the epidural stim doesn't end until Year 2020 ... but maybe they'll speed it up if it's 100% successful? Seems safe so?
                      Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                      T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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                      • #12
                        I'm chiming in. Polio paralyzed from high chest, but several other issues including old age. Two days ago must have pulled the one muscle I have near my shoulder blade and yesterday severe (read excruciating) pain there. Wheeler SCI hubby helped me get through the day - you must know what that's like. Terribly painful transfers, etc. He fixed dinner, etc., etc. Then in afternoon called my sister, a retired nurse, to commiserate and get advice, and OH YEAH, she had fallen the day before and was on pain pills for her knee, and barely moving around her house! She told me to jack up the pain meds - over the counter stuff for me - as I had been afraid to. Today, still in pain, but not stabbing, horrible, and was able to still painfully do transfers. I keep 2 ice packs in the freezer at all times - came in handy again.
                        SCI issues are still much more serious than my Polio, I have sensation - as I said hubby is SCI para and has been through the wringer. We have helped each other through some awful stuff!
                        The moral of the story: it really helps to have a friend/significant other in your life - make it happen, and love them to pieces. Also, I will renew my effort to be careful with my old muscles. I'm pretty sure this came on when I mixed flower fertilizer into two jugs of a gallon of water each, then lifted them out of the sink onto a tray on my lap, then onto a counter top where hubby could grab them - he's the 'waterer in chief' around our home.

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                        • #13
                          I have read about post polio before. Like neuro pain if I recall correctly?

                          Won't be meeting anyone here! lol
                          Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                          T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by lynnifer View Post
                            I have read about post polio before. Like neuro pain if I recall correctly?

                            Won't be meeting anyone here! lol
                            Some folks with Post-Polio Syndrome have chronic pain. I've been fortunate with little pain, even through many years of strenuous exercise - but now have to be very careful with shoulders.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by lynnifer View Post
                              The Phase I trial of the epidural stim doesn't end until Year 2020....
                              2020? Seriously? Cripes, by the time that "game changer" is sent in to play the game will be over, the stadium empty, the season finished and the league bankrupt.

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