Ever feel like giving up? This life isn't easy...

[kyle]

I've been injured for 23+ years and I don't know how much more I can take! I hate my life right now. I have a lot of good friends but still feel completely alone. AB people tell me to just try to have fun...easier said than done. I keep searching for things I enjoy but most are denied because of my condition. I'm so sick of only watching and not participating or doing. I try going out when I have some extra cash but I always feel worse after. It doesn't help when you know wherever you go, you realize you have no chance of picking up a cute girl, cuz let's face it who would ever want someone in our condition? I think my problem is that I'm always looking to be treated as a normal person, but that just doesn't happen, people seem to form an opinion at first sight, and just feel sorry for us. How sad. Without much family it's even harder. I just can't imagine another 20+ years like this.

And why does everything cost so damn much for us, the people who have been dealt with such life changing circumstances and struggles. $37,000 for a power chair?!? You can get a new Cadillac for that! $65,000 for an accessible van WITHOUT hand controls?? Who can afford that? A lot of us were injured at a younger age and didn't have a chance to build a career or a lot of savings. It shouldn't be this hard...sometimes I'd give anything just to be able to run away! AB's have no idea how lucky they are and how much they take for granted.

[JamesMcM]

No idea, and they don't respect the luxuries they have!! You're going to get a lot of advice about quad rugby and or organizations that will "assist" you with being active yet will find you something to do couple times year, or a OT to give you little gadgets to help with things. I'm sure you know the drill. You're also going to hear people say you can still get good looking looking girls, which is true in a sense, (somehow a beautiful girls is very attracted to me, still have my high standards, as someone according to basically everyone I know and met is very good looking) which I don't understand, when I look in the mirror I see a cripple with a strange skinny mangy body, but most of those compliments came before injury, now It always a "your still". But some women can look past it, few and far between to say the least.

Not to mention if you're high quad paying for caregiving and medical supplies. Plus all the normal expenses, taxes, heating, groceries, gas etc. That most healthy people have trouble affording. But that's what you get if you choose to live like this...

[sachad]

Feeling defeated

Kyle,
I feel like this a lot lately. It's good you are able to talk about it. I am a quad and have been living alone for 16 out of the 17 years I have been disabled. Focusing on gratitude helps me feel better but it has been hard to be positive with so many limitations, constant isolation, never ending poverty and increasing health issues to contend with. I try to remind myself that this life is a learning experience that no one escapes without suffering. Hope you can find a way to feel better.

[TheRainman]

Kyle & James,
I have been there. And it looks like you both have figure out and realize the reality of our lives. The problem is you haven't accepted the situation yet. Your both want your past lives. That's gone, no way back. You need to look at your new you. If a woman is what you really need in your life you need to stop looking at the outside and look at the inside. Its a two way street there. You're asking the woman to over look the outside but you not willing to. That's not fair or even logical. Everybody has a value in life no matter your condition. And everybody can move up that latter, unless of coarse you are dying soon.
You need to stop looking at what you can't do and start looking at what you can do.

[lynnifer]

I've found that I can be fine a certain number and then get devastated.

This happened more for me after the 20yr mark - more at 25 etc. Wish I knew the phenomena of why ... But this does get harder as we get older. More so if you're alone.

Can't offer any advice but to say you're certainly not alone. I hit 30yrs this summer at 42 and seemed to cross some threshold where I'm content with the effort that I gave - if that is hopeful at all.

Rain man gave good advice on that two-way street.

[fuentejps]

@ OP, its not easy but can be great though. many of us here were hurt young and were/are successful in spite of sci. as for finding a life partner, sci isn't stopping that you are!

[JamesMcM]

@ OP, its not easy but can be great though. many of us here were hurt young and were/are successful in spite of sci. as for finding a life partner, sci isn't stopping that you are!

Ya that why after 8 years post only 24.3 of quads are employed, 34.4% for paras. And 88% of people single at Time of injury are still single. The survival of marriages with SCI are also reduced. So not saying it doesn't happen but it's few and far between, involves a lot of luck(right people, right circumstance, right time right place etc.) and being a paraplegic completely changes the game, to the point it's not even comparable. You live in a fairytale of denial if you think your last statement is true, and that it can be great some people aren't as submissive and willing to give in to a chair.

[Jim]

It's true for him and many others, quads or para's. If you decide to get on with your life, it can be true for you also.

Seems to me you are choosing to be a victim of SCI, until that changes, that's who you are limiting yourself to be.

[JamesMcM]

Everyone with an SCI is a victim Jim, if you think getting in a chair playing quad rugby etc changes that you are fooling yourself.

Being a para is a walk in the park, a literal joke compared to C5 and up especially complete injuries. Because they have the ability (among many other things but mainly) to take care of themselves. It's pretty disturbing and sad to pick your own ass, but to have others do it, for me crosses the line of humiliation and moves too cowardly. We get picked up out of bed, dressed and washed by others, every time I have to eat someone places a bib and a food cuff on me, with a little roll in cripple table and I "eat myself" they use to say good job, that ended quick, there is nothing to be accomplished in something so pathetic. These arnt limitations iam putting on myself, they are the reality of my injury. And I will not "accept" that as life, and no one should or should have too. Op has his own reasons I'm sure but same thing reality of his situation.

If I was a para even T1, even an incomplete Asia C quad, it would be all too simple for me to talk like you, I wouldn't because I don't support this kind of garbage. But I could stomach being a para, fact that's the recovery I'm hoping for first after treatment.

Big problem with SCI is you have some dork that has hand and arm function, ability to feel his dick and get off, piss, shit anything and everything in between. Then they preach to some poor bastard sipping through a straw. Preach all you want, but the problem is when you don't realize the audacity in making bullshit statements. Everyone's got shit behind closed doors, most importantly everyone interprets this different (not deal, who cares about dealing I really mean interpret some right away realize there is no dignified quality of life with something as serious as SCI, others are different, some will accept, give in, change, others feel strongly about their perspective) I've said that a million times. So personal experience and crap motivational statements you heard from rehab doesn't do nearly as much as facts and statistics. And God willing positive clinical trial results.

[crash86]

Im not a victim and sure and the Hell don't feel like a victim!! I was Racing Motocross(I was doing what I loved and I knew the Risk) when I got hurt 28yrs ago and yes being a Para is not what you think it is! I have had over 23 surgery's. I have been brought back 3 times and each time I come back from a illness I thank God im alive and im here to see another day!
Yes I know you have it bad JamesMcM and I don't know if I would feel any different than you do but your mind is in a bad place and nothing in your life is going to ever be different until you change your mind. I know im just a Para but Damm man change or work on the attitude.
I was hurt at 21 just a few months after my 21st!! Worked for the same company for over 26yrs and im know a Personal Trainer.
You will say well he is a Para!! I have a close friend who is a Complete Quad who is a Attorney!!!

[JamesMcM]

You are a victim of SCI i hate To tell you, there's an accident report and everything, you suffered a catastrophic injury only way to change that is going back in time avoiding the accident. Are you retarded man, of course I know what it is to be a paraplegic, I am one technically, but on top of that I also have far less function as a complete quadriplegic. So it would be exactly what I have now but with arm and hand function, depending on level core control, independence and ability to use a manual chair efficiently and functional, among many things. What a ridiculous statement it is you that wouldn't know what it is to be a quadriplegic, the other side of spinal cord injury should I say.. As I said I would be fine with being a paraplegic, because I could take care of myself I would have no need to degrade myself, and ask for help constantly, I could live without living off other people. If your friend is a complete C-5 or up then he can't live without other people's help, he wouldn't be a attorney without other people, he couldn't even go to work without other people. That's the problem I have, nothing is my own. what is it about my attitude that has to change, am I supposed to pretend that having my ass fondled isn't degrading and undignified, am I supposed to believe I accomplished something myself even though I didn't even get myself out of bed, iam not even healthy and alive by my own ability! So I'm just supposed to pretend these things don't happen that way, make it a taboo, Chuck it away don't talk about it, you sound like your right out of rehab, for someone injured so long ago because that's the kind of hiding fake garbage they fill you with. does my attitude have to be like yours or other people that are happy cripples, whose to judge that, so now because were disabled our attitudes are now dictated by fellow gimps, like what a load of horse droppings haha.

Listen dude (and others) there's about three other people who have expressed their misery with their injury, feel free to comment about how their attitude is not correct address what they say. Yes I go into detail, yes I express my disgust, but I'm not like most people disabled or able-bodied I have very select principles and beliefs. You're just getting defensive over what I say because it probably resonates, so you're singling me out. Which I don't care feel free, but I'm not going to lower myself to calling this a life, I have higher expectations for myself and more integrity to let myself be dependent, I strongly don't believe it is worth it, I don't agree with it, I don't think people should be alive like this, I don't think a chair is a medical solution, once you get to a level that's how I feel. There has never been a quadriplegic I've seen or heard about that has changed the perspective even slightly. Other Then Doug Smith and that Peter guy quadriplegics who with hard work and will power almost fully recovered, those are the only stories that involve disabilities that inspire me. And mr reeves For his hard work dedication, and almost sole focus on curing himself and others.

I know a guy who's a very low paraplegic he obviously can't actually wakeboard or snowboard, but he does the disabled equivalent with the adapted piece of equipment, can't remember what they're actually called. He also still rides a dirtbike and a ATV, no assistance required, maybe very minimal if anything. Also fully independent and takes care of himself like I said certain level.

[rlmtrhmiles]

I ride the "up and down" roller coaster like others have mentioned. It drives me crazy. I have a dog. For some reason, I think he understands this mess than people do. I lost my hearing along with all the other stuff. I have been homebound since injury and out of hospital. Each time I think I am making progress, something crazy happens and big setback. I thought I am taking small enough pieces to keep me making progress and then the setback. Currently so pissed off, been continually looking and planning suicide. Of course something crazy happens and am making more progress than IU did before in a certain areal. I swear right now, I have lost my mind.

[crash86]

Your a REAL PIECE OF WORK JAMESMcM!!!!!

[JamesMcM]

Just looking at reality, not sugarcoating or hiding anything like a bitch.

[crash86]

Name calling?? WOW