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Explaining what happened

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  • Explaining what happened

    Dear friends,

    IDK if this a common problem, but people keep asking me what happened even after almost 10 years from my SCI. I can understand that someone that I never meet in my life wants to know why I'm a quad and why I'm using powered wheelchair. But when is about friends of my friends or my parents, and I'm sure that they know what happened how to answer to them?

    My in accident happened almost 10 years ago, when I was with some friends to the beach. We were playing and they throw me in the water. It wasn't for the first time, but that time I've hit the sand with my head, and my cervical bones brooked. I look stupid. I know. It is a lame accident, but it happened and now I'm struggling with this SCI life.

    Usually I tell them that we were playing and last time I've hit the sand. When I watch their face I can read of what they are thinking: ''you are so damn stupid''. Some of them are telling me: what a stupid accident.

    If you were in my case, how did you manage it? Do you have any advice for me? PM please if you consider that is necessarily.

    Thank you!!
    Last edited by quad.michael; 09-08-2014, 05:09 PM.

  • #2
    I find it strange that your real friends and family would be asking you about the accident 10 years later. Where have they been in your life since then.

    If you are really talking about strangers who confront you in public and ask you personal questions, why do you think they have any right to know personal things about you?? Why do they? I would just say "I sustained a spinal cord injury 10 years ago in an accident", and leave it at that. It is the truth.

    The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.


    • #3
      I'm also confused as to why family and friends wouldn't know what happened. Specially if they are close?
      For me, if somebody that knows me doesn't have knowledge of the details there is usually a reason and it's none of their business. And all strangers 'need' to know is that I have a spinal cord injury. No need for more.
      Last edited by Taanshi79; 09-07-2014, 12:19 PM.
      There's always something magic, there's always something true. And when you really, really need it the most, that's when rock 'n roll dreams come true. Meat Loaf


      • #4
        If they really are your friends then they wouldn't be asking this question! And especially your family! Have they all been living under a rock the last 10 years?
        T6 Incomplete due to a Spinal cord infarction July 2009


        • #5
          Originally posted by quad.michael View Post
          ..... I look stupid. I know. It is a lame accident....
          , ?you are so damn stupid?.
          You have got to get past this! Once you forgive yourself and move forward it doesn't matter what anyone says. When I feel those "looks" I'll mutter to myself "water off a ducks back". That's how we need to be able to deal with negativity (perceived or real).

          I would consider remembering the fact you are only imagining what goes on in people's heads. I believe a lot of them are thinking how courageous you are to move forward and live through it.


          • #6
            People are naturally curious! I think it is better to be asked about "how it happened" than have someone tell me how inspiring or brave I am (or any of the dumb things say to cripples). I would just tell them it was a diving accident, which is sorta true, or else make up a totally cool lie. I was fortunate, I was taking off in a 4 place Cessna to make a skydive, and the plane crashed.
            Don - Grad Student Emeritus
            T3 ASIA A 26 years post injury


            • #7
              we should have a cool answer to what happened thread. outrageous shit just for giggles and see what people say when we tell them. wrestling a 22 foot alligator, I don't know.

              personally, I usually don't answer strangers say it's personal.



              • #8
                Love the alligator wrestling! I tend to use "my spinal cord committed suicide without asking me 22 years ago. Strangers don't deserve the truth. This is not a reality show. BTW, I know at least 5 people with SCIs from being pushed into a pool by friends goofing off. One can easily join MENSA. And if a family member doesn't understand by now they are stupid not you.
                Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

                Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.


                • #9
                  QM, Your way of injury was not stupid at all. It's actually a very common way of getting a SCI. When I did motivational speaking at schools with a demo team I was on there were 4 high level quads that would sometimes be there also talking about diving rather than jumping into water etc. and how one mistake can change a persons life. They were all injured diving into shallow water and playing around like you did.

                  I don't have any problem at all explaining my accident; I would rather have them ask than to avoid and wonder. It's a good time to talk about SCI, my philosophy of PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) and about taking chances and accepting the ramifications of such actions.


                  • #10
                    as a fellow disabled person if you look like an SCI I will often ask you straight out what level?how long? How? And Insurance status( if your older person) as we only have two real forms of insurance in New Zealand


                    • #11
                      Stupidity, is my answer to the question when asked what happened, was young, fast and stupid. Most of the time there is no follow up questions after that.
                      c6/7 incomplete 6/30/07

                      whats that smell? its me, cause im the shit.

                      если я сейчас умру то нахуй я родился


                      • #12
                        I agree that you need either some kind of answer or just ignore them. You need to forgive yourself most accidents are stupid and unnecessary but they are accidents and a spinal cord injury is one that you can't take back and changes your life for ever. I have several answers depending on who is asking and how they ask. Sometimes I will jokingly look all around and say "what, what do you mean what happened to me, is something wrong with me"? Other times if it's sincere and I want to answer I tell the truth "I fell asleep driving 34 years ago, no seat belt, no air bags" and they will usually say oh man I have fallen asleep driving before. If it's a child or young person with their parents I will say something like " I had a car crash and I wasn't wearing my seat belt, you always wear yours don't you? and Mom and Dad always wear theirs to right"?

                        Usually I try to turn it into a positive thing and move on.


                        • #13
                          I really appreciate your very valuable feedback.

                          I don't get this question too often, but when it happens I have to answer. I answer them, as I've said in the first post, except with the stupid part. I'll like to have the right answer depending who is asking me. Answering to the kids is the most difficult and I'll like to aware them about some risks. Especially the ~10yo boys which are so captivated about powered wheelchairs

                          It's not like that me or them were living under a rock in the last 10 years, but this just happened to me before I posted this question. One of the relatives of my parents, decided to ask me how it really happened. I'm sure that he knew the answer and I retold it. I can't change the past nor to be rude.


                          • #14
                            Anyone who has body surfed very much knows how dangerous the surf can be.
                            For me, the last time I took a step I tripped on a power cord.
                            I have had periodic paralysis all my life. I lost my ability to walk in 2011 beginning with a spinal block, which was used for a hip fracture caused by periodic paralysis.


                            • #15
                              I hit a UFO (Unidentified Floating Object.)

                              Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.