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    #91
    I trained with jay Davis at loyalist MMA 2007-2012 wasn't serious Training till 2009. 3 fights in cask kickboxing under Eric Macmillan 3-0 2 tko. I also learned catch wrestling, powerlifting, explosive power training and poly metrics with Eric ex pro MMA fighter. I achieved a 1075lbs 3 lift at 155-160lbs (300 flat bench, 350 behind the back squat, 415lbs dead lift all with BBs) 62'' box jump with 25lbs vest, and 10x 100m sprints in around ave 13-14 sec with 2 40''x40'' speed chutes over 10mins, and a explosive flat bench at 140 pounds times 50reps solid tempo. Guys from the military that taught me boxing and also a about polymetrics and self-defense Bradley Brooks and Kevin flesh both recognized boxers especially Bradley fought in many countries for team Canada.

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      #92
      Originally posted by Scott C4/5 View Post
      JamesMcM, what is it that you want from the others here? If you seriously have had enough of this life, are you here for permission or looking for justification? I believe if a person has had enough pain, physical or psychological, then they have the right to end that pain. But determining what pain limit is too much is really difficult. If you're trapped in the mindset of extreme athletics, but not willing to use what you have to try something like wheelchair rugby or cycling or anything else, well then, you're pretty much F'd.

      You need to find a new outlet for your energies and anger. I may be wrong, but I don't think you're ready to do yourself in yet. If you were, I think you'd have already done so. Limited abilities or not, one can find a way if truly determined. I personally don't plan on doing it any time soon, but if and when the time and situation comes, I may do so myself. But I've been coping for 24 lonely years and plan to keep doing so for as long as I can... hopefully I'll die naturally at the age of 100.

      Anyhow, do what you can do to make your days tolerable, or even content... otherwise you're only hurting yourself and those around you. Arguing here with others about what you would've or could've done is pointless and doing you no good whatsoever. That's my opinion anyway.

      Good luck.
      Absolutely correct but I really don't like kitty

      Comment


        #93
        Originally posted by JamesMcM View Post
        Absolutely correct but I really don't like kitty
        So, why fight with him. Excess drama does no one any good, unless you're the type that likes to stir the pot.

        Comment


          #94
          James, if you took just 5% of the anger you have shown in this thread and put it towards something constructive, you would be so far towards something good. Just something to consider. I think all of us are trying to lead you, the horse, to water but we can't make you drink.....
          Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

          Comment


            #95
            Originally posted by ketamine kitty View Post
            muay thai One match knocoh out in less than 15 seconds, not me. you don' t know the differencd between a street fight and fighting for you life. do younhave any idea how many men i' ve killed. you cannot fathom a professional killer from a street fight.
            creds, you fucking kidding me you've got childrens creds. how about jumping from a helo into aHLZbreaking your femur hiking 25 klicks to terminate someone from 750 meters. how about running out of ammo when it is you and rhe enemy who takea out his shovel cause that is all between life and death and surviving. Ever been shot dipshit. how about a mortar.

            you are an egotistical ass with no fucking idea what you're talkinig about. I really tried but you are insufferable. gove it a fucking rest you continue to embarrass your sorry ass. keep dreaming. keep your fantasy alive. You would' t know tough if it bit you int the ass.

            power workout try 75 clicks with a pack terminate your target and hope to get out.

            apologies to the board and anyone i might have offended. just give it and your over inflated ego a rest.
            Okay so you don't know Muay Thai, 15 seconds is highly unlikely even in the brutal leagues in Thailand, may not be guns involved but that some hard bush where you can be killed or worse. Congratulations man seriously I'm your impressive military record I can't compete with that there is no doubt in my mind if we were to meet in a life or death situation with a gun, knife or shovel you would take the upper hand. However that's your game that's when you receive your training. If we were to step into my zone which is the ring I have no doubt I would have taken the upper hand in that fight. You may look at my credentials and fighting record and laugh yes no doubt it was more a fight to get into that division then the fights themselves, I sustained three severe head injuries in the past, which doctors would not give me a medical pass to fight even though I was perfectly healthy, it took years of arguing, searching, recovering, test to finally get past. But during that time I spared some amazing fighters had them ready for fights and made some of them look stupid, all of which were more experienced. Jordan turner, Matt smit all experience fighter in the ring and on the street very tough guys we trained together and fought together constantly. Aj badour excellent boxer as well as kickboxer, my main sparring partner did I mention all of these guys were one or two weight classes higher. Nolan, brant, Ming, Greg, Tyler, all more experienced two pro one heavyweight professional my coach would often say they wouldn't of won without my sparing. I made pro MMA fighter dan Ireland look like nothing, then there's the fighter that came from other cities that I can't remember names their coach came to specifically train with me. Tony lenrona serious professional boxer lots of KOs (military) exchange punches with him with no actual boxing fight experience yet relentless training, hard-hiter, ability to take a lot of damage and still come forward and natural talent. Muay Thai would be my best asset though, my hands are hard yes but I strike at many different angles with my knees and kicks, cause I incorporate tae kwon do moves as well only the effective ones which I drilled many many countless times with ankle weights weighted vest in my own boxing studio (mom owned a gym). I respect the hand to hand training in the military but realize that just being in the military doesn't mean you have close quarters skills, and and fighters Soley focus on close quarter combat that is why many of the Navy SEALs in MMA a never make it to UFC..

            I'm not trying to brag, I have nothing to brag about no real fight record, no professional fight you have blatantly said that I was weak and not tough at all before my injury. I am simply giving you the facts that is not true. No I'm not a professional killer like you not at all I just a kid, pathetic kid, but I was a fighter. Maybe one day I would've got in the military, maybe even gotten into the JTF 2 and became a professional killer. Maybe I would of gotten my head blown off, maybe I would of shit my pants at the first sign of a bullet, maybe I would of become a decorated veteran, maybe I would of got a real professional contract and never join the military just went on to fight professionally in strikeforce or pride or hell UFC, maybe I would just traveled to Australia and became a pothead. Point is you don't know what I would've done you can't say I wouldn't of gotten in the military had i not been injured you can only assume, you know nothing about me, you know nothing of what went through my head, of how hard I work, you even know less about me before my injury, when I never whined or or cried, even when I got hit by a speeding truck woke up two days later in the hospital tour my leg, still back in the club the second I was better, rehabbed my own knee to good health to get back as quickly as possible. Even when I stood my ground and got jumped and Block a knife with my hands, stitched up still through the wraps and gloves on even though it hurt like a bitch, Invisalign still don't stop infections, dumb kids but my work ethic used to inspire people, and my heart was never question but admired by the people that actually knew me.

            Thanks kitty, for this debate, I looked back at everything I did before my accident and I realize that I actually did do some really good things, and I remembered how my friends and their friends and all of these people from the small town would look up to me, even though Patrick was right about some things, the pathetic outcome of how I felt for myself even before SCI wasn't true and this helped realize that.
            Last edited by JamesMcM; 27 May 2014, 12:04 AM.

            Comment


              #96
              James, why are you debating MMA on topic as important as this? Its a f'ing sport... If society put more effort into helping others instead of spending billions on watching modern-day cavemen beat on others in multiple ways, we'd likely not need this forum. I think you just want to stir the pot.

              Comment


                #97
                Originally posted by Scott C4/5 View Post
                So, why fight with him. Excess drama does no one any good, unless you're the type that likes to stir the pot.
                I don't like to stare the pot, but I'm going to stand up for myself I was have and always will. And because of that I have discovered something good which very thankful I did in the alluring approaching gloom of my second year anniversary and my failed efforts of recovering by then.

                Comment


                  #98
                  McM, I just caught you are less than two yrs in. (Thanks, Patrick M!) That's a shitty damn time post injury. No wonder life is sucking such ass for you.

                  At two years in, my marriage failed, my job was on the line, my mother had moved in to keep my house and me running so I could focus on my career that was in jeopardy. Mother kept the house clean, the shopping done, the food cooked, the dry cleaning picked up, me bathed and dressed until I learned to do these things for myself. Just working had me beyond exhausted. I remember thinking I could manage life each Monday. Feeling tired on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays. the exhaustion would set in and I'd remind myself I was halfway through the week. Each Thursday at work I was running on fumes. By Friday, I was just trying to force myself by sheer will to make it to the end of the day, have enough energy to get into the car and drive myself home. I'd sleep and try to recupe Sat and Sun to do it all again come Monday. I'd always had cerebral palsy. The addition of an inc c 6/7 in '93 seemed more than I could handle.

                  But it wasn't.

                  I was both thankful and resentful of the help I had from family and friends. I was grateful I had options for independence and resentful I needed it. I watched my marriage end, saw my career coming undone, saw everything I thought I knew about my life and how it would be was no more. I came far too close to ending my life and somehow I did not. At the time I was pissed I did not do it. Now? I'm glad I did not go there.

                  Somehow I hung on, started to finally get my shit together. I'm glad I did as I would have missed so much, would have lost out on knowing so many good people where I live and have lived.

                  I did not know who I was when my work was taken away. I coped in so many inappropriate, unhealthy ways. I hope I have left it in the past. I take it day by day now. So far so good.

                  ChesBay suggested giving yourself another five or ten years. Less than two in, that may look like forever. I promise you it is not. Give yourself five years and give it a good honest try. You are worth the effort.

                  You may not see you are more than your body. You always were. It takes a meeting of body/mind/spirit to be good at anything physical. If you were involved in MMA in any manner, you used your mind more than you give yourself credit. Your written words here also indicate a man who is more than his physical then or now.

                  Like PN, I'm sorry for what you have lost. It sucketh mightily.

                  You can find your way out of the morass. For me, it has been in doing for others (volunteering), in travel with those I love most and best, and in my artwork. Your way through this is in you. It's the greatest fight of your life should you choose to find what blisses the hell out of you now. It's a puzzle no one else can solve. Only you can do it for yourself.

                  We have been where you are. If we are writing in this thread, we have each and all gotten beyond the soul crushing eighteen to 24 months. My spirit dashing point was eighteen months in. Reality bitch slapped me.

                  Consider giving yourself five to ten. Return to this thread then and see the different five and ten years post you and the you that you know and are today. Night and day, my friend. Night and day.

                  Comment


                    #99
                    Originally posted by Scott C4/5 View Post
                    James, why are you debating MMA on topic as important as this? Its a f'ing sport... If society put more effort into helping others instead of spending billions on watching modern-day cavemen beat on others in multiple ways, we'd likely not need this forum. I think you just want to stir the pot.
                    The same reason military experience continues to be thrown in my face. It has nothing to do with the MMA it's me holding on to the person I was before, who I am proud of even though I was an idiot and took a lot for granted. Kickboxing, fighting being tough was all I wanted, I base myself solely of my physical stance maybe it was a mistake but it's what I value in life. Kitty tried to spit on that because he's killed and he knows more which is true i'll admit that, doesn't mean I couldn't hold my own he says things that I wouldn't of been or couldn't of done, or what I wasn't with absolutely no knowledge of what I did or who I am. Will to you Irrelevant to me just hit the wrong way.

                    Comment


                      Maybe you've said this already, but what kind of function do you have? Take a breather man, you're getting so amped over MMA. Stop thinking in the past. Focus on your future and find some new hobbies or something. You are getting nowhere fighting and bitching on carecure.

                      Comment


                        Originally posted by LaMemChose View Post
                        McM, I just caught you are less than two yrs in. (Thanks, Patrick M!) That's a shitty damn time post injury. No wonder life is sucking such ass for you.

                        At two years in, my marriage failed, my job was on the line, my mother had moved in to keep my house and me running so I could focus on my career that was in jeopardy. Mother kept the house clean, the shopping done, the food cooked, the dry cleaning picked up, me bathed and dressed until I learned to do these things for myself. Just working had me beyond exhausted. I remember thinking I could manage life each Monday. Feeling tired on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays. the exhaustion would set in and I'd remind myself I was halfway through the week. Each Thursday at work I was running on fumes. By Friday, I was just trying to force myself by sheer will to make it to the end of the day, have enough energy to get into the car and drive myself home. I'd sleep and try to recupe Sat and Sun to do it all again come Monday. I'd always had cerebral palsy. The addition of an inc c 6/7 in '93 seemed more than I could handle.

                        But it wasn't.

                        I was both thankful and resentful of the help I had from family and friends. I was grateful I had options for independence and resentful I needed it. I watched my marriage end, saw my career coming undone, saw everything I thought I knew about my life and how it would be was no more. I came far too close to ending my life and somehow I did not. At the time I was pissed I did not do it. Now? I'm glad I did not go there.

                        Somehow I hung on, started to finally get my shit together. I'm glad I did as I would have missed so much, would have lost out on knowing so many good people where I live and have lived.

                        I did not know who I was when my work was taken away. I coped in so many inappropriate, unhealthy ways. I hope I have left it in the past. I take it day by day now. So far so good.

                        ChesBay suggested giving yourself another five or ten years. Less than two in, that may look like forever. I promise you it is not. Give yourself five years and give it a good honest try. You are worth the effort.

                        You may not see you are more than your body. You always were. It takes a meeting of body/mind/spirit to be good at anything physical. If you were involved in MMA in any manner, you used your mind more than you give yourself credit. Your written words here also indicate a man who is more than his physical then or now.

                        Like PN, I'm sorry for what you have lost. It sucketh mightily.

                        You can find your way out of the morass. For me, it has been in doing for others (volunteering), in travel with those I love most and best, and in my artwork. Your way through this is in you. It's the greatest fight of your life should you choose to find what blisses the hell out of you now. It's a puzzle no one else can solve. Only you can do it for yourself.

                        We have been where you are. If we are writing in this thread, we have each and all gotten beyond the soul crushing eighteen to 24 months. My spirit dashing point was eighteen months in. Reality bitch slapped me.

                        Consider giving yourself five to ten. Return to this thread then and see the different five and ten years post you and the you that you know and are today. Night and day, my friend. Night and day.

                        Thanks dude that meant a lot. You don't have to apologize for my stupidity putting myself here, I'm more sorry to hear about you being like this, and going to this garbage. Patrick made a lot of sense in what he said I to detest how much I've whined, and I can't hear about it from other people anymore, I have so much anger when people bother me or piss me off the only thing I can think is kick the shit out of them, but I can't move so the anger just rots inside me. I have serious anger issues most my life, may have started from one of my head injuries, the anger can be a pain worse then anything I've dealt with to this point no idea how I manage it like this.. He's Also right if I want to go, just do it don't drag it out and whine about it, i can make excuses like I'm not able to do it myself but I have the back pond where I've grown up it's deep enough. I feel more guilt about that then I do about injuring myself and Patrick help me realize that. It's so frustrating to hear people tell me I can do catheters when I need my right forearm to pronate but it won't matter how much I try, i've done electro-stim, bio ness everything nothing will help it and it's not just catheters I need that for, anything opening my own pills grabbing objects, that's why the occupational therapist in rehab didn't teach me any of those tricks, we just keep Trying to help my arm stay pronated (Palms to the ground) and use my wrist extension and it never did for some reason. But I need that function. I haven't slept in like four days because of it and just had a big eye-opener so I'm jumping from one point to the other not making much sense my bad.

                        Comment


                          LaMemChose is most definitely not a dude, James! I think Ket pisses you off not over comparing deeds done and compared but because he has had to be a "talent" spotter in a different way. For those who worked in groups of 12 or less and often alone with the others covering your back with call in support, pre op intell and a lot that doesn't need explained you learn quickly to spot the right characteristics in your team mates. So skipping the military versus MMA stuff two things stick out here at least to me. Where does the anger you've always had come from? I think it was there before any head injury if those were from training and street fights. That kind of anger is what talent spotters see and want nothing to do with. Why? Anger like that is hard to depend on. I mean you talk about this rage inside you during fights and that is what you should start with if you see some counselor. Anger and rage have many causes, some understandable and others not so much. Directed anger in certain areas is helpful and self-protective. Misdirected anger from an unknown to you or unacknowledged source is dangerous. Ask any woman who has been stalked. You should really go back and find what sparked this inner rage. The second issue is head injuries. You need to find out exactly what damage they caused and if there is lingering disability from them. Many head injuries go undetected until another insult to the body hits and the results don't make sense. I saw how you dealt with grabbing things in Boston and how you handled your iPad. I am a pretty good judge of injury levels because of how many people I've met with SCIs. Your right shoulder could be due to a head injury and you would never have noticed it until you were much older because you had strong surrounding muscles to support it. And amputation is not a solution there. The nerves causing the pain would still be there but cut back.

                          You're now at the point somewhere between the "I am sick and I just need to get well" stage and in the middle of the depression/anger stage where you realize you have just joined a club no one wants to join, the disabled. I don't handle depression well. It sucks and I have dealt with situational depression enough to know that. I do much better when I get angry at things. But you need to get angry at the right things and tackle those as your fights. I got pissed over the state of paralysis cure research. After hearing what an injured New York State Trooper was doing to raise money for funding more research at the state level I hit my computer and wrote a letter that would go to 47 senators and delegates in Maryland. For almost three years my anger had a goal. Funding research in Maryland. It took two years and a lot of help but I did wind up sitting next to the Governor as he signed the bill I wrote, the politicians distorted and amended, signed into law. So if you want to stay mad, fine. Just aim your anger at something constructive.
                          Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

                          Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

                          Comment


                            James go back to your first post a while ago. please note I've tried to help, tried several tacks, and have started an extremely contentious back and forth. Not my intent. There are many here trying to help. I would suggest you not be dismissive as many have the same challenges as you.

                            I do wish you peace.

                            again to the board, I've had a difficult run and went a bit off the ranch apologies.

                            ket

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by JamesMcM View Post
                              Thanks dude that meant a lot. You don't have to apologize for my stupidity putting myself here, I'm more sorry to hear about you being like this, and going to this garbage. Patrick made a lot of sense in what he said I to detest how much I've whined, and I can't hear about it from other people anymore, I have so much anger when people bother me or piss me off the only thing I can think is kick the shit out of them, but I can't move so the anger just rots inside me. I have serious anger issues most my life, may have started from one of my head injuries, the anger can be a pain worse then anything I've dealt with to this point no idea how I manage it like this.. He's Also right if I want to go, just do it don't drag it out and whine about it, i can make excuses like I'm not able to do it myself but I have the back pond where I've grown up it's deep enough. I feel more guilt about that then I do about injuring myself and Patrick help me realize that. It's so frustrating to hear people tell me I can do catheters when I need my right forearm to pronate but it won't matter how much I try, i've done electro-stim, bio ness everything nothing will help it and it's not just catheters I need that for, anything opening my own pills grabbing objects, that's why the occupational therapist in rehab didn't teach me any of those tricks, we just keep Trying to help my arm stay pronated (Palms to the ground) and use my wrist extension and it never did for some reason. But I need that function. I haven't slept in like four days because of it and just had a big eye-opener so I'm jumping from one point to the other not making much sense my bad.
                              McM, I have felt that raw, hot, all consuming, maddening anger/rage. I remember feeling so angry I wanted to literally explode. There have been times I just wanted to break something, anything so I broke things I carefully chose to break. I'd get in the car alone, turn the speakers to a near glass shattering level with the windows up and just scream and yell. This may sound odd, but at the time, it helped. I needed to get that stuff out of me.

                              Anger turned inward leads to depression. Instead of being angry at what has happened to our bodies, we turn that anger inward on ourselves. That's the ultimate checkmate.

                              McM, find a way to express and allow the anger out. It doesn't have to be all at once and it won't be. It's more process than destination, especially at first. Try the car with your favorite angst music and just scream until you cannot yell another sound. It's exhausting, but may help.

                              As for cathing and the other indignities of SCI life, yes, those suck. Pee into a tube and have someone else dig the crap out of your ass? Who'd have ever thought? I understand. Everyone else does, too. Have you considered a suprapubic cath so you can leave the house for longer than three to four hours at a time? It could mean greater independence. Staying home all the time is a killer. Find a better method of bladder management and start to reclaim your life.

                              You wrote of one arm having far less function than the other. Ditto. Unlike you, one of my palms will only face the floor. It will not turn up even if someone else is trying to turn it that way. It is what it is. I have learned to use that closed fist to help me have greater independence. I also had tendon transfers. It means I can put something into that closed fist with my mouth or my other hand and it stays there until I remove it with my mouth, other hand or by pressing down on top of the fist with my chin or another item.

                              We have a million ways of coping physically. You will find yours. Check the YouTube vids sometime to see how numerous people function with varying levels of SCI and disability.

                              You haven't slept in four days? Not good, my Man. Shut down your PC/Mac, have a glass of milk (good chemicals in that stuff to help with the zzzz's) and get some sleep. We'll still be here when you return. You'll still be able to tell us what is happening with you. You're feeling an overwhelming amount of anger and grief with a serious lack of sleep. Not a good combo. Sleep! We'll be around, you will too and we can all talk and listen again after you have rested.

                              Later, ~MaryEllen

                              Comment


                                P.S. Many of us have had brain injuries and live with the aftermath. It need not be anyone's defining moment.

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