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Betheny, about my brother

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    Betheny, about my brother

    Jesus Christ, Bob! Your bro hanged himself and you failed to mention it?

    Yay for puppies, for grasping at life. Boo to this current alternative universe some of us are stuck in.
    Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

    Hi Betheny,

    I didn't want to take over Arndog's thread so thought it best to start a new one.

    I was going through a rough phase and was depressed and withdrawn. My greyhound Summer died in early 2012, then my Mom died from complications of COPD in mid March and then my brother Ricky hanged himself a month later in April. The only remaining family I have now is my sister Joanie but she lives an hour away and for the past 9 months, working as an RN all the while taking care of her husband who was dying of pancreatic cancer. He was my age, 58, and finally succumbed to it last month.

    I'm a T-4 para but was also busy getting my C-spine stenosis and other things in my C-spine operated on last December trying to save what's left of my left biceps and deltoid. And learned from my orthopedist that I'll be living with a completely, broken in two femur, for the rest of my life. He doesn't think operating on it and using special hardware etc. would work and fears that infection would be a strong possibility. I say screw it, lets try to put it back together but now the clock has ticked and it may be too late now. I have an appointment to see him in September! As though it's gonna miraculously heal on its own. Duh. This fuckin' SCI never stops taking.

    And I kinda felt like my brother's suicide was a personal thing, I didn't feel like I should broadcast this sensitive event on the Internet. I didn't want any publicity about it. I still can't believe that he would do such a thing to me, leaving me here all alone. Though one might think it would be the other way around, I'm the one who took care of him and on the day we surmise that he hanged himself, he lied directly to my face saying that he was going away to an old girlfriend's house for a few days. But when I couldn't locate him after about 4 days I called the police. After searching the area around my house for a couple of days they found him behind my house 6 days later hanging from an old oak tree about 100 yards across my back field in a small stand of woods. I felt very betrayed because he didn't even give me a hint that he was depressed or not feeling well or whatever. So I'm still pissed about it. It's the old saying about fixing a temporary problem with a permanent solution. I think what instigated his suicide was a spat he had with a jerk of a boyfriend he had and I think he killed himself to spite this worthless guy. My brother was a binge alcoholic and this guy had a tackle box full of prescription pills that he was feeding to my brother. My brother never said no to any drink or any drug and this guy created the situation by supplying my brother with all sorts of different drugs that probably, when mixed together and mixed with alcohol changed my brother's brain chemistry resulting in a deep depression. Or something like that. The asshole also stole 3K of my brother's inheritance he received from the passing of my Mom. He was "holding" it for my brother, since in all the 59 years of my brother's life he never had a checking or savings account. My brother had zero common sense about money. My brother's inheritance should have been split between my sister and me but whatever. I'd like to flush it down the toilet just so this guy wouldn't benefit from my brother's death. I wouldn't piss (cath) on this jerk if he was ablaze. Anyway, that's why I didn't mention my brother Ricky's suicide 'til now.

    Sorry about all the losses that you've recently had in your life. I'm sure you can relate with my sorrow especially with the untimely passing of your beloved young son. Again, my heartfelt condolences to you. As I understand it all of your family is gone now. Sorry about your Mom too. It gets really lonely with no family around. Family is a very special bond and relationship that can't be had in any other way. I'm glad you have a BFF... somewhere in Arizona??

    Thanks for caring enough to inquire about my brother. He was a great guy and funny as hell. I guess his inner demons, the ones he shared with no one, got the better of him. I love and miss him so much but at the same time am pissed as hell. Quite a quandary.

    I'll try to post some pictures of him and a couple short audio tracks. The audio tracks are kinda funny. He loved to sing and dance. Anytime the Stone's "Sympathy for the Devil" played I had to crank it up and he'd dance his ass off to it. Leaving me to scrub the scuff marks off my floor!

    You can hear he's quite a character by the way he sings. He thought he had a great voice and of course I never burst his bubble!

    Take care Betheny,

    Love you,

    Last edited by bob clark; 12 Jun 2013, 11:58 AM. Reason: To add another pic
    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

    Bob, what can you say to a story like that? The only points I can address are that you don't need to be pissed at your brother. It wasn't about you or him, it was all about the alcohol and drugs. Go to an open AA meeting and tell your story. They will understand, relate, and may be able to explain.

    Second, I have had my right femur broken off at the femoral neck for 10 or 12 years, and have had no problems with it. If the break is in the middle of your femur, it may be a bit of a problem but you are probably already compensating for it. For me, it was more the thought of those broken ends floating around in my leg than anything physical - although I *can* point my foot either left or right when flat sitting...
    Don - Grad Student Emeritus
    T3 ASIA A 27 years post injury


      I am soo sorry to hear about this.....God Bless you Bob


        Ya, that sucks Bob, sorry for your loss. Fact is we cannot change what is or has happened. Try to go on with what you have left of your life the best you can.
        "Life is about how you
        respond to not only the
        challenges you're dealt but
        the challenges you seek...If
        you have no goals, no
        mountains to climb, your
        soul dies".~Liz Fordred


          2012 was a sucky year. I hope things are better for you now Bob.
          Embrace uncertainty. Hard problems rarely have easy solutions. Jonah Lehrer


            Hi bob, i am sorry for your losses and having to face so much alone.




              I remember reading it before ... I still don't know what to say other than I'm sorry.

              I always say lemonade on your porch because I've always valued your posts and think you would be interesting to visit with.

              Florida is a popular destination for Canadians so one winter soon ... perhaps Betheny and I will be the guests you wish would just leave, lol!
              Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

              T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12


                Very sorry for your losses. Donno is right, no need to be pissed at your brother. People kill themselves for a variety of reasons, and usually it's because they are in some kind of severe pain, aren't thinking straight, and can't take it anymore. We can never know what they were thinking, and even if we could it would probably just be one big basket of confused and irrational thoughts. And then there are the alcohol and drugs....

                Hang in there!
                2012 SCINetUSA Clinical Trial Support Squad Member
                Please join me and donate a dollar a day at and copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.


                  I'm so sorry Bob.

                  2012/13 seems to have been a crock of shit for many of us, all I can suggest is a metaphoric group hug and a rose tinted look to the future.


                    Bob in all your years here I've never known you to share so much - this has clearly affected you deeply - and how could it not - I'm so sorry for your loss !!

                    Apparently we're here to learn but I must say this classroom has been a little dark and dank lately - it's time for a little of the "light" to shine in - I wish you peace Bob !!!

                    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi

                    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
                    Jane Siberry


                      Bob, anything I could say would seem trite in expressing how sorry I am for your losses. But I do feel the need to tell you I read and felt what you wrote. I hope that the telling helped you in some way. I send you wishes of peace.

                      "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

                      "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

                      "Dream big, you might never wake up!"- Snoop Dogg


                        Now that I'm home from work, I listened to his voice - I like it! Life of they party!

                        Incidentally, Ricky looks EXACTLY like my co-worker's husband, Dennis. Spitting image!
                        Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                        T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12


                          Sometimes life just sucks and lately, Bob, you've been the popcicle. And yes, his brain chemistry was probably screwed up all to hell. I'd have discussed this 'friend' of his with local law enforcement. They keep logs of morons that haven't exactly broken laws or at least not in cases you can win but it adds up after awhile.

                          Hang in there.
                          Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

                          Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.


                            Though I don't personally know you, I'd like to add my wishes for a better year and will keep you in my thoughts.


                              Bob, you are in my thoughts & prayers. I hope you feel better very soon.
                              Incomplete T-12/L-1