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It's so hard, what keeps you going

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    Originally posted by Cowboys_Place View Post
    Sometimes I wonder what I did that was so wrong to deserve a life like this..
    Originally posted by willingtocope View Post
    Wrong question.
    It's not a matter of right or wrong, it's asking the question that has meaning for you. I loved cars and auto racing since I was a kid and got my sci in an auto accident so I ask the question is this poetic justice or cruel irony? Since I don't believe in fate I settled on it's just something that happened but still feel like I was stabbed in the back by a lover, go figure.

    As for suicide I have nothing against it and think assisted suicide would make the choice much easier for people who need a way out. All this suffering just to live for some illusion of heaven or whatever is rather silly to me.

    Right now the thing that keeps me going is my cat. Don't laugh and think I'm a crazy "cat lady" type. I have no family and the only thing that makes me cry is the thought of her being harmed or killed. I love her so much I'm staying alive to keep her safe and that's all I have to say about that.
    Just another tricky day. C5/6 incomplete, 43 years out.

    You'll get through.


      I'm a cat person too. Over the years, we've had many and I'm really dismayed I can't have one now. Each one was a rescue...some we found along the road, some at the animal shelter. We gave each one a loving home, and friends, both human and animal, to play with.

      Was that a good thing? I don't know. Our last cat passed away in my granddaughter's arms a monnth or so ago. Although she was never tested, she had a "chronic upper respitory infection" which might have been c.felix the feline form of c.Pneumoniae which is what I suspect is causing my MS.

      I do know...if I get better...and can somehow manage...I'll rescue another cat. It hurts when they pass, but I'll do what I can to give them a life...
      Last edited by willingtocope; 20 Apr 2013, 12:58 PM.


        Originally posted by Cowboys_Place View Post
        What kept me going used to be doing things with my friends who never call anymore. Then it was my girlfriend who put a spark back in my life until I found out yesterday she's been sleeping with someone else. .

        The last thing keeping me going is my dear sweet mother who is aging quickly before my eyes. . When she's gone which I hope isn't for a while I don't think I'll have anything left worth living for. .

        I've thought about suicide on many occasions but the thought of spending eternity in hell has so far kept me from attempting it.. Thankfully I have my SCI brothers and sisters on here to talk to and keep me going when times get tough.

        Sometimes I wonder what I did that was so wrong to deserve a life like this..
        My mother passed 2.5 years ago. I feel that I have nothing left to live for, but, since I have yet to figure out a way to euthanize myself, I'm still here, suffering.

        If hell does exist, and is eternal burning, everything below my shoulders is and has been there for over three decades already (along with other sensations), so I'm not missing much.

        Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


          Originally posted by alan View Post
          If hell does exist...everything below my shoulders is and has been there for over three decades already (along with other sensations)...
          I'm sorry about your mother. My wife passed last September, so I know what grief is.

          All I have to offer for them...and for your my god (no, not that one...MY GOD) tells me there is a reason. The reason will be made clear to us eventually.

          In the meantime, take it one day at a time. Remember to say thank you for the good things, no matter how small, and feel free to swear and yell and scream at the bad things.

          Do what good you can. Offer hope or comfort to others who need it. Recognize that although you probably don't see it, there are others whose lives are better because of something you are, or did, or said.

          And let god (MY GOD) decide when you've done enough...


            If you can hustle $20, and spent it on someone for something you know they like, man can that make you fee better. My cousin is still so happy w/ the book I sent her! and the flowers I gave my niece-in-law may have produced a friend for life.

            Re grief...I have no words. The bad days get further in between. I reckon the occasional gut-wrenching may be for life. The older you get, the more of it you experience. I have an idea it becomes less painful w/ advanced age, but I just got that from watching my 90 yr. old grandma read the obits. She lost my grandpa when she was 50 or so (OMG I thought she was ancient.) I'm sure she had her gut-wrenching days as well.

            Tomorrow is Dad's bday. Shit at this point every day is some anniversary or bday, it seems like.

            When I heal up for sure I plan to get busy livin'.
            Last edited by betheny; 20 Apr 2013, 9:40 PM.
            Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?


              The beauty of life. I don't believe in an afterlife, so this is it. I'm trying to get everything I can get out of this life. Every day yields something good, whether it's a smile from a pretty lady, an adventure with my dog, a new beer, praise for my work, or a better grasp on the meaning of life. I'm lucky to have a high IQ and no pain - being a c7 quad would probably be unbearable otherwise. I reckon I'll call it a day if the bad starts to outweigh the good on a consistent basis.


                Afterlife? I'm not sure. MY GOD tells me there is something that comes after, but he hasn't told me what. Reincarnation? Something along the lines of Robin William's "What Dreams may come?". I don't know.

                If I were designing the afterlife, I'd probably acknowledge, combine and recycle.

                Acknowledge the good or bad, the pain or joy, the legacy you leave behind in this life.

                Combine your essence (whatever that is) with the essence of other creatures you've affected in your life.

                Recycle you based on the plus or minus points you get for the other two.


                  Tall Paul-As humans, I think we're programmed to need something to love. You see these weird tv shows about ppl marrying brick walls etc. I know just what you mean, except I'm the crazy fat dog lady. I'm sure a cat would do in a pinch. I just had a Korean nurse who did NOT get our weird American obsession w/ pets. But she has extended family out the wahzoo.
                  Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?


                    Jody, what you did for Pedero is amazing. I love all animals horses, cats, dogs they are great for the mind body and spirit. I just rescued two stray orange tabby that came to my backyard begging for food and never left. I could never understand how people can be so cruel towards Animals. They are such little creatures just begging to be love. I think animals help with depression and stress. If given the chance everyone should try to own one.