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Shit people say to the disabled

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    Originally posted by Tjcpara View Post
    ... Does he talk?
    Did you prove to them using some choice words?

    Originally posted by ~Lin View Post
    At least it wasn't this: http://notalwaysright.com/the-biggest-abuser/28744

    I find it interesting how the comments I get have changed with going from forearm crutches to a chair. In the chair the ones I get the most are the versions of compliments on the ability to do the simplest thing, like wheel through a doorway or down a hallway. "Wow you get around really well in that don't you!"

    In the forearm crutches, what I got most often were the versions of "whats wrong with you?"/"What happened?" followed by "but you're so young!" because someone my age can't possibly be disabled, I must be healing from some accidental injury.
    Wow! Crazy ass story in that link, the Police should have definitely been called on that out of control customer.

    I've also gotten the you get around in that really well comment a few times and it always seems to happen when I'm doing something as unimpressive as pushing myself in a straight line. I guess some people are easily impressed.lol

    When I go shopping and I can't reach something, and I don't want to bother anyone for help, I'll look for something in the store that I can use to reach, or knock whatever I need down for me to catch. Occasionally if someone notices me doing that they'll speak up and say "Wow, that was very good" or "I would have got that for you" I politely tell them that if I needed help, I would have asked. Occasionally I'll tell them that someone is not always going to be around when I need help, so I have no problem figuring how to help myself. Some people get it, others just look at me with a blank stare.

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      I have the opposite...issue...with my husband. Sometimes, the stuff he says to able bodied people......his favorite is to pretend to be mentally disabled (he calls it "the retard act"). I don't let him do that when I am present...it's mortifying...however he thinks it's hilarious and so do some of his buddies. Example...Saturday night he was out with a friend and did "the act" to get past the bouncer at the bar. They let him in for free (which he wasn't expecting). I understand that the story made the rounds of the bar, but the guys wouldn't let him go pay and the bar didn't insist.

      Another time he freaked out a teenage girl with "the act" at a football game when he had gone to see his son play the halftime show in the band. (This was facilitated by some inter-teen social dynamics that he should have, ahem, been too mature to participate in). Apparently when he suddenly started acting normal, she really freaked out.

      He's gone past store greeters like that too if there's someone he's with who will push the chair.

      Once a seven year old girl of our acquaintance was asking him why he was in the chair. He said something along the lines of "My legs don't work; you could stick a fork in them and I wouldn't feel it." So she ran off and got a fork so she could check...at first he was pretty taken aback but we laugh about it now. It was an innocent thing.

      Generally we are both all for just letting the stuff people say all go with a sense of humor. I know for a fact that I have personally said insensitive things to people that I wish I could take back now...so it goes around and comes around I guess.
      Last edited by Belle; 28 May 2013, 4:22 PM. Reason: clarity
      *************
      AB wife of T8 complete para

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        I was sitting in the entryway to a CVS in Washington DC about four years ago, waiting for my friends to check out.

        This guy walked by, saw me, did a double take, and then spun around and ran up to me yelling: "You're confined to a wheelchair!" with a huge grin on his face.

        Thanks...like I didn't already know about the chair.

        I was so startled by the bizarre interaction that I just sat there staring at him until he pulled his face back and walked away. Interesting thought process going on there.
        In our world constituted of differences of all kinds, it is not the disabled, but society at large that needs special education...to become a genuine society for all. -Frederic Major, Former UNESCO Director General

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          1) At the ICU after the first operation just after his injury, my Dad was depressed and didn't want to live. He changed his mind and wanted to go to rehab -- however, instead of giving him the trach and peg, the doctors gave him a trach but "delayed" giving him a feeding peg.

          The head doc wanted my Dad to change his mind and told my Dad his situation would not change and then, told him (they wouldn't allow me to be with him even though he requested it and they brought in external lip readers (i.e., not staff members who are employed by the hospital) -- the nurse conveyed this to me and my Dad affirmed) :

          "Do you want to be like this for the rest of your life?... if you want to be like this for the rest of your life, choose the peg."


          2) Palliative Care Doctor (trying to convince my Dad to choose comfort care):

          "Have you enjoyed this journey? Do you like being the way you are?"
          Last edited by Joey_SF; 10 Jun 2013, 9:20 PM.

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            That's horrific, I can't believe they'd say that to a newly SCI person. And on the other side of it there's people that really don't want to be alive anymore and they're not allowed to die with dignity.
            T11 Asia A after near-fatal bike crash.. Just happy to still be here

            No, I didn't loose my mind... It got scared and ran away!!

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              Originally posted by SuprSi View Post
              That's horrific, I can't believe they'd say that to a newly SCI person. And on the other side of it there's people that really don't want to be alive anymore and they're not allowed to die with dignity.
              In 1981, the first thing a doctor at Shock Trauma told me was, "You're paralyzed, and it's hopeless."
              Alan

              Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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                On the bus this morning I transferred into a regular seat and hooked my chair into one of the tie-down straps. I was on the local route as I woke up too late for my normal, express bus. Eventually an older woman sat in the seat next to me and I noticed she was eyeing my chair and kind of putting her foot under the wheel so it wouldn't roll the 2 inches that the slack in the strap afforded. I chose to ignore this. Then, out of the blue:

                HER: Do you have to push that using your hands?

                ME: nod yes

                HER: Do you have any special gloves?

                ME: nod no

                HER: I'm very proud of you.

                ME: shrug

                She gets off the bus at the next stop.
                I did not respond to her verbally as I could tell she was a person with which I did not want to engage.

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                  Last week my dental hygienist told me it was "an honour" to clean my teeth. Luckily she still had her hands in my mouth, so I could just smile awkwardly with no need for a response.

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                    so sometimes my friends say things that just make laugh. i invited them to come to a sit skit and one friend responded, she is AB, "oh well i dont think we can water ski as friend x and friend y have broken ankles, remember?"
                    me: so the ppl with spinal cord injuries will ski and you don't want to come due to hurt ankles?
                    friend: uhh... wow i'm dumb.
                    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
                    http://www.elportavoz.com/

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                      Originally posted by brian View Post

                      HER: Do you have to push that using your hands?

                      ME: nod yes

                      HER: Do you have any special gloves?

                      ME: nod no

                      HER: I'm very proud of you.

                      ME: shrug

                      She gets off the bus at the next stop.
                      I did not respond to her verbally as I could tell she was a person with which I did not want to engage.
                      BRIAN! You sure are smart, Brian!(that's in my best Bitch Stewie voice). Not to mention an inspiration.
                      Rollin' since '89. Complete C8

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                        Originally posted by Crappler View Post
                        BRIAN! You sure are smart, Brian!(that's in my best Bitch Stewie voice). Not to mention an inspiration.
                        Lmao. And yeah, best not to engage most people on the bus. I don't like being anti-social but usually it's just better not to give any seniors a reason to make an effort to "relate". Like "I know how it feels, I have an in-grown toenail." or "my granddaughter once broke her ankle". Completely the same as having a spinal cord injury.

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                          As soon as she said, "Do you have to push that using your hands?" it was over. I mean, how does she think a wheelchair works? It was as if she'd never seen one before.

                          I make it a point to never be rude to anyone and always try to educate people - even if it's just a little bit. The public are ignorant about disabilities and the only way to change that is to educate. I evaluate every situation differently and, for example, will answer in-depth every question a child asks but only do the minimum with old, strange bus people. Everyone who asks me a disability question will learn something. How much depends on if I think they're worth it.

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                            Originally posted by brian View Post
                            As soon as she said, "Do you have to push that using your hands?" it was over. I mean, how does she think a wheelchair works?
                            No hands, I just hang my **** out in front and let the gravitational pull from such a massive object pull me along. I just use my hands to steer.
                            Played with bombs- No SCI, Brain Damage enough that I require a chair and a caregiver.

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                              I was at a sprint car race in Knoxville, Iowa once and someone came up to me and said "I'm so glad to see people like you out." I wanted to ask what type did he mean, business owner, college graduate, web developer, speaker, or something else? Unfortunately, the wheelchair seating, and most places, is pretty noisy, so he never would have heard me. I just nodded slightly and rolled my eyes as he walked away. My dad was with me, his comment was that people don't know what to say.

                              My favorite is still the one I put on the similar thread a few years ago. In a restaurant in small town Washington state the waitress asked my mom sitting beside me, "Does he drink water?" I was like 17 at the time and was too surprised to have a good comeback.
                              C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

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                                Was in a minor car accident a few months ago (not my fault) and when I told a friend about it she said I should have screamed "I can't feel my legs" I love friends with warped senses of humour who suggest I say stuff that I wouldn't dare say or do.

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