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so i should be in a "facility"

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    #16
    I couldn't possibly understand the dynamics to know whether to impugn the grandmother's motives; I leave that to Cass' judgment. But even if her intentions were good, her delivery needs some work. Maybe she really meant, "I see that you suffer with pain. Are there any practical ways that I could help make it a little bit easier on you. Do you think different living arrangements might help?" Rather than having to feel it rest on your as it is, maybe you can address it explicitly, either clarify things to sit more peacefully with you, or correct any misperceptions you think she has.

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      #17
      she hasn't seen me in years and she doesn't believe i'm in pain. my son and i still live together (he's 20) and i'm paying for his college. i don't need much help and hire someone via private pay. it was a real wtf moment.

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        #18
        Originally posted by cass View Post
        she hasn't seen me in years and she doesn't believe i'm in pain. my son and i still live together (he's 20) and i'm paying for his college. i don't need much help and hire someone via private pay. it was a real wtf moment.

        Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Who is she to say you are not in pain? She has not a clue.

        Family dynamics can get 50 shades of crazy. Barring she is affected by dementia and is a person with whom I'd had a quite warm and loving relationship pre such an illness, I'd remove her from my life, but that's me.

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          #19
          I remember you saying a long time ago that some family member/s did'nt believe you were in pain......no one can know how much pain another is in. She should be ashamed. What she said is a load of crap.....pardon my french! Please don't let her stupid, ignorant comment upset you. And I know that's easier said than done sometimes.

          It is difficult when you have pain 24/7, but I'm sure you are handling things just fine. A little encouragement would be in order from the relatives.....you do a great job with your son, and did a great job at your work. Ignore her and keep your chin up! If and when you ever do need some sort of facility.....you will be the first to know it.

          Besides, most of us don't have insurance for a full time facility, and there's no way I'm losing my house to go live in one! It just happened to my sister. Three months in the nursing home, and her house is all locked up waiting to be auctioned off to pay the bills.

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            #20
            Originally posted by cass View Post
            she hasn't seen me in years and she doesn't believe i'm in pain. my son and i still live together (he's 20) and i'm paying for his college. i don't need much help and hire someone via private pay. it was a real wtf moment.
            I would take more umbrage about her not accepting your word re pain. As far as "facility" is concerned she could just mean something like senior living where staff looks in on you, do some chores like laundry, etc. Her remarks about that could just be a reflection about her own insecurities as she ages. Her attitude toward your pain is less ambiguous and a good reason to get steamed.

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              #21
              consider the source & remember your abilities, not your disabilities!

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                #22
                It is hard to know what she exactly means by "facility" as that can be a variety of things. I'd give her the benefit of meaning well and being ignorant, but the part about her not believing you are in pain is very offensive.
                I don't blame you for your feelings Cass.

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                  #23
                  Originally posted by cass View Post
                  my son's grandma wrote and said she wished i was in a facility with the best of care. WTF? i worked, raised my son and now i should be in a facility?? talk about insulting, depressing, ignorant...i still can't believe it.
                  Do you tell this lady how much you suffer with pain and such? If so, maybe it came from a good place rather than a negative one. If she hasn't seen or spoken to you in years, then yes, it's an odd thing to say.

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                    #24
                    Originally posted by cass View Post
                    my son's grandma wrote and said she wished i was in a facility with the best of care. WTF? i worked, raised my son and now i should be in a facility?? talk about insulting, depressing, ignorant...i still can't believe it.
                    Maybe she meant a spa in The Carribean? Ask her if she's picking up the tab for Christmas.

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                      #25
                      strange thing to say to someone.
                      I wonder if she uses the word invalid too.

                      Never mind though, you dont need a facility. no need to be insulted or depressed. I thought the comment about her dementia was funny.

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                        #26
                        Some of the messages you post on FB really make me worry about you; I have to admit.

                        Other than that, where is she getting her info? Your son? You have a very nice home from pictures I've seen ... maybe they want to force you out for a piece of it? Then I'm always suspicious of family so what do I know ...
                        Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                        T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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                          #27
                          cass, any frequent flyer of these forums would/should give pause for concern for you. you've posted some alarming things about your mental state/quality of care that you're been receiving. also the recent increased issues with pain.

                          does this mean you need to be in a facility? no. but you could benefit from better care all around, including your doctors.

                          however, a letter from some hag you havent even spoken to in years doesnt deserve this much time and energy. next time she sends you something, if it isnt a check, throw it away.
                          "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
                          http://www.elportavoz.com/

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                            #28
                            The stupid bitch probably thinks because she is considering a nursing home that you should also. Shes what in her 80's at least dementia may be beginning. shes not as you. tell her wwhen is she moving into a nurding home- even better send her a list of nursings homes for xmas.

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                              #29
                              crypt, been here a long time. yes, this has been tough yr since pelvic pain started in april. geesh, i thought this was safe place to come and say my true feelings in middle of the night when pain has been so bad. now i don't think so. i have very good helper. she comes in couple hrs/day and nobody comes on weekends. i also have few issues w/doctors. so. i take your post to tell me to shut up. i will. sorry. i even looked at my posts over 4-5 pages. i didn't see much there but somebody in pain.
                              Last edited by cass; 22 Dec 2012, 4:46 AM.

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                                #30
                                Originally posted by lynnifer View Post
                                Some of the messages you post on FB really make me worry about you; I have to admit.

                                Other than that, where is she getting her info? Your son? You have a very nice home from pictures I've seen ... maybe they want to force you out for a piece of it? Then I'm always suspicious of family so what do I know ...
                                she gets her info from her deadbeat son (my son's dad), who i also have no contact with any more since i don't give him money. i will stay off fb late at night when i am in so much pain.

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