Fed up being able bodies "inspiration"!!!

[krshirk]

Does anyone else out there feel as alone as I do? I am going through a real tough time right now and staying busy, keeping my mind occupied really helps me deal with it. The people in my life I think I would call friends do not really feel like friends right now and this is a recurring feeling that I have over and over again. It seems noone has an interest in me as far as hanging out for talking unless I initiate the first text or phone call. It makes me feel like they're doing it out of pity because if I would never initiate I would never hear from them. I really do believe that too because of the weeks I go with absolutely no interaction unless I initiate.

Every time i happen to see these people they feed me the same bullshit." its so great to see you! Look like you're doing really well! Did you get more return?" now I'm 11 years post injury, haven't seen any changes in recovery in the past 10 and I have also seen these people numerous times since and they say the same damn thing. Then the part that really irritates me is when they finish off with. "Dude, look how much you have accomplished! When I see you, or think of you, I think of how you are such an inspiration to me."

I want to scream "im not f-ing trying to live my life for your benefit (inspiration)! BTW, it would be nice to actually hear from you for once or to have you actually initiate a get together!"

AM I THAT MESSED UP THAT IM THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY?!

[Crappler]

I'm sure you're not the only one that feels that way. For me, it's not that way, but most, in fact all, of my friends are ones that I did not know before my accident.
Are yours new friends, or the same ones?

[krshirk]

My best friend who was there at my accident is the 1 who actually stays in contact with me on a weekly basis. he freaking lives in New York City and has no problem. I would say its maybe half and half. where have you met these people? What activities as a quad do you do?

[Essie]

@krshirk I so hear you! As a matter of fact, I became so tired of it that I had shirts made up that said "Be your own inspiration".

About four years ago I had to have my left leg amputated below the knee. People that do not know me assume I am in a chair because of my amputation and do not seem to have a problem coming up to me and asking what happened. I usually respond by looking them squarely in the eyes and stating, "Dolphins.... friendly my ass!". I also had a gym shirt made up that says, "Leg Story $10".

E

[JeffH]

Helluva inspiration

"So let me get this straight.

I inspire you to want to go out and break your neck?"

[willingtocope]

There's a scene in the orginal "Bedazzled" with Dudley Moore and Peter Cook, where Peter (as the devil) tries to explain to Stanley Moon (Dudley) why he got kicked out of heaven.

Peter gets up on a mailbox and says "okay, pretend I'm God,now dance around and adore me"

Stanley does it for awhile, then says, "this gets pretty boring...how about we trade places". Peter says "Exactly".

Next time you "inspire" someone, ask them to trade places....

[krshirk]

essie, i like the shirt ideas you seem like a firecracker! i like it!

willingtocope, so peter was kicked out of heaven b/c his attitude was similar to mine? or people should think about what they say before saying it?

[skippy13]

"So let me get this straight.

I inspire you to want to go out and break your neck?"

Ha! you beat me to it. That is what I always think too!


I love the idea of a t-shirt that says $10.00 to tell my story. I would be rich, very rich.

[Essie]

I love the idea of a t-shirt that says $10.00 to tell my story. I would be rich, very rich.

Like my signature says, "There is no such thing as a stupid question but there sure are a lot of inquisitive idiots." (BTW, I have that shirt too).

E

[Scaper1]

I think I might appreciate the "inspiration" comments if they came from people who really made an attempt to understand what living with an sci is like, but what most people actually mean by it is "wow, I am so glad not to be you."

[krshirk]

nail on the head scaper1! AMEN!

[teena]

Just sent you a pm...

[jody]

I started a thread called socially unacceptable. same problem.
all my friends are care cure members, except for my cats.
I dont intend to have just imaginary friends forever though.
I moved to a new state three years ago, and have not been able to make any friends at all where I live. I think a lot of people who are disabled or different, have the same problem.
it takes more effort, to make anything more than a passing acquaintance.
there is a neighbor who walks a lil dog, the dog cant wait to say hello. the owner says he looks for me when ever they go by. at least the dog thinks im socially acceptable.
It totally is not just you.

[Patton57]

There's a scene in the orginal "Bedazzled" with Dudley Moore and Peter Cook, where Peter (as the devil) tries to explain to Stanley Moon (Dudley) why he got kicked out of heaven.

Peter gets up on a mailbox and says "okay, pretend I'm God,now dance around and adore me"

Stanley does it for awhile, then says, "this gets pretty boring...how about we trade places". Peter says "Exactly".

Next time you "inspire" someone, ask them to trade places....

Sorry to get off topic a little but I think this idea also applies to (sincere) charitable giving. Most people give because it makes them feel like they're doing something great while helping someone else.

Before I give anything to a charity/cause, I always try and ask myself, could I be on the receiving end of this charitable gift?

Someone telling you that you are an inspiration often has more to do with them trying to make themselves feel better about how bad they feel about your crappy situation.

[swh2007]

Actually, I just have to disagree with a lot of this. People may not know the details of how much struggle having a serious disability is, but they have the general drift. They look at their own AB lives and how often they struggle, and when they see you they think "wow, I have it so easy. Look how much struggle you have and you are fighting it every single day.
Pretty darn inspiring..."

Almost all of us are mostly tied up in our own lives, whether we are AB or disabled. Hardship is always relative, until you see someone who hardship is worse than yours. So I don't think there is any bad intent when they tell the person that they inspire them.


Of course people give in large part because it makes them feel good. They are not going to give if they have no feeling about it or if it makes them feel bad.

Just saying and I do not mean to offend.