Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

ever encounter strangers who ask you questions about your wheelchair?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    ever encounter strangers who ask you questions about your wheelchair?

    Just wondering if some of you guys have ever encountered strangers who ask some of the stupidest things. I guess these people don't mean any harm and are just curious, but at the same time they're also rude and don't think about what they're saying… Example:

    I'm in Panera waiting in line, and this lady in line behind me tapped me on the shoulder and goes "wow… That's a really nice wheelchair. Bet you get around pretty fast on that. How fast does it go?" I encounter people who ask me the same question about what wheelchair "how fast is a go". Before I open my lips to speak I say to myself why don't you break your fuckin neck, get in a wheelchair and find out, but the calmer side of me usually just says "I don't know… Pretty fast" to try and end the stupid conversation, and sometimes people will just blatantly ask me aloud in front of a crowd of people "so, how did you break your neck, when were you injured? Where did it happen?" And I say to myself who the hell are you… And why do you care?, But I usually just answer their questions and then I leave as fast as I can.

    I think it's really rude to ask people questions like this when you don't even know the person you're talking to. Anybody else run into these type of situations?

    It's not that the questions they ask make me feel uncomfortable, I just think it's downright rude.

    #2
    I was having a nice meal with my wife at McCormick and Schmick's just the other day when an older man walked up to the table and pointed at me and said "Combat?"

    I replied, "No." and he said "Oh." and then just turned around and walked away.

    If I would have had my wits about me, (I was two knuckles deep into the best crap dip and pita bread appetizer on Earth), I should have said "Yes, with the bumper of a 2001 Ford Probe."

    I think I should make up a bunch of insanely crazy stories about how I got my SCI just to have on hand to whip out for douche bags likes this. That would be fun. A naked, drunk, co-Ed game of Twister would be a good one.

    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

    "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

    Comment


      #3
      i think these people have not had anyone take them up on their rudeness.
      And it is plan rude as id touching a pregnant womans belly and asking personal questions.
      many time people are taken aback into shock, however the next time have an answer ready that makes them want to become invisible. sometimes crowdsourcing helps with a good come back, The reason rude people are that wa is because no one has put hem in their place. same with bullying people , once they get smacked a couple tomes and left on the ground , they think ,or remember how painful it was. they may not have developed thinking yet. but pain and embarrassment they remember
      cauda equina

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by DaleB View Post
        I(I was two knuckles deep into the best crap dip and pita bread appetizer on Earth)
        i hope you meant crab, but to each their own
        cauda equina

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by metronycguy View Post
          i hope you meant crab, but to each their own


          LOL!!!!


          Yeah, that's what I meant! That's what posting at 3 something in the morning after a marathon Xmas wrapping session got me!
          "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

          "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

          Comment


            #6
            You don't always have to open your mouth to do sumthin' stupid. Debbie was always in the habit of checking out other peoples' chairs. I picked up on that. I was having lunch with a friend yesterday and a young woman came in in an electric chair. I smiled and nodded, she did the same. A little later, I was looking at her chair out of habit and she caught me looking. She smiled but there was a little bit of "what are you looking at" in her look. Well, no chance to explain - I can only hope I didn't offend.
            Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
            - Albert Einstein

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Larsen View Post
              Just wondering if some of you guys have ever encountered strangers who ask some of the stupidest things. I guess these people don't mean any harm and are just curious, but at the same time they're also rude and don't think about what they're saying… Example:

              I'm in Panera waiting in line, and this lady in line behind me tapped me on the shoulder and goes "wow… That's a really nice wheelchair. Bet you get around pretty fast on that. How fast does it go?" I encounter people who ask me the same question about what wheelchair "how fast is a go". Before I open my lips to speak I say to myself why don't you break your fuckin neck, get in a wheelchair and find out, but the calmer side of me usually just says "I don't know… Pretty fast" to try and end the stupid conversation, and sometimes people will just blatantly ask me aloud in front of a crowd of people "so, how did you break your neck, when were you injured? Where did it happen?" And I say to myself who the hell are you… And why do you care?, But I usually just answer their questions and then I leave as fast as I can.

              I think it's really rude to ask people questions like this when you don't even know the person you're talking to. Anybody else run into these type of situations?

              It's not that the questions they ask make me feel uncomfortable, I just think it's downright rude.
              I would much prefer people asking what you call "stupid questions" to being treated like furniture. Sure, sometimes people are awkward, but you have to realize that they are going out on their own limb in some attempt at conversation with you. They don't have to, but they are making a human connection and that is always a gift, no matter what the circumstances. Imagine, if you can, what it would be like to go through life treated as a non-entity, never having anyone make eye contact with you, smile at you, or try to engage in conversation. Instead of being angry and resentful maybe you could open up to the possibility that these people are trying to interact with you.

              Comment


                #8
                It seems like we all take those question very different. I don't like people asking and I don't think they ask for being nice, I think they ask because of curiosity. And the nicer I answer, the more tactless they continue to ask and until they ask about my sex life. And it ends up with a "It is a pity that such a nice woman like you never will get a husband". And then they leave

                I think they are rude and completely without manners.
                TH 12, 43 years post

                Comment


                  #9
                  Come on guys it's christmas, cheer up The one thing I get a lot is "you outta put a motor on that thing" my reply, "you outta take the motor off your mouth" haha.
                  "Life is about how you
                  respond to not only the
                  challenges you're dealt but
                  the challenges you seek...If
                  you have no goals, no
                  mountains to climb, your
                  soul dies".~Liz Fordred

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I don't think asking about the chair was rude. I hope it's a power chair with that question though!

                    Asking about your disability? Wowza rude, some people have no manners. I get a lot of questions about my service dog. It's kinda funny, because I either get comments that I don't look disabled or I'm totally crippled. No in between.*

                    Once waiting at a light to cross the street, a woman came up and looked at my forearm crutches and braces and goes 'awwwww what happened to you?' seriously, long drawn out sympathetic awww. I think she thought someone my age couldn't possibly be disabled, I must have been in an accident. I muttered 'genetic thing' and turned away. People also constantly ask if I'm training my service dog for somebody, and then when I say she's mine comment that I don't look disabled. Umm, thanks? And for the other end of the spectrum, once my roommate and I were leaving the courthouse when this woman passing us turns to her friend and says 'what is he doing with that crippled girl'

                    People also try to pet service dogs, without asking or even after being told no... Despite do not pet patches! I know one woman that everytime someone pets her SD she reaches over and ruffles their hair. The SD is like a wheelchair, it's an extension and touching is invasion of personal space!

                    I've been trying to check out wheelchairs. I try to see what kind of chair they are. I don't let myself look long enough since I don't want to offend, and usually all I'm able to notice is the color lol.*
                    Board Member of Assistance Dog Advocacy Project working in Education. Feel free to ask me any service dog questions!

                    I am not paralyzed. I have a genetic connective tissue disorder with neuro complications and a movement disorder.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by DaleB View Post
                      I was having a nice meal with my wife at McCormick and Schmick's just the other day when an older man walked up to the table and pointed at me and said "Combat?"

                      I replied, "No." and he said "Oh." and then just turned around and walked away.

                      If I would have had my wits about me, (I was two knuckles deep into the best crap dip and pita bread appetizer on Earth), I should have said "Yes, with the bumper of a 2001 Ford Probe."

                      I think I should make up a bunch of insanely crazy stories about how I got my SCI just to have on hand to whip out for douche bags likes this. That would be fun. A naked, drunk, co-Ed game of Twister would be a good one.

                      There is another side to this. I was a young guy in a wheelchair during the Vietnam war. I was often mistaken for a vet at a time when there were a lot of war injured vets on the streets. It was sometimes awkward and embarrassing explaining that I was not. It was also a time when I was cursed and even spit toward because some fanatic war objectors assumed I was a Nam vet. On the other hand, some of these persons who assumed I was were vets themselves. They would reach out and attempt to console me. Later when worked in a VA hospital I learned that many were desperately looking for someone they could relate to without fearing derision. They felt isolated and needed someone to talk to and share. Maybe the older guy was a vet or a family member and felt compelled to give you a little support or just say thanks for your service. I learned to be more tolerant or less judgmental when approached this way. If that was the worst kind of thing I encountered when out in the public, I would be quite happy. It is the people who fall on me because they are not watching where they are going or who damn near run over me in parking lots that I get pissed at. Those are serious incidents that concern me.
                      You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
                      http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

                      See my personal webpage @
                      http://cccforum55.freehostia.com/

                      Comment


                        #12
                        i felt kind of bad after but i have said yes a few times but i did get a free tattoo my first one and a couple free meals.
                        Street Dreamz c.c. maryland

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Waiting in line at the grocery store I noticed a lady checking out my chair. I looked at ther in a questioning way and she said she was looking at it because she has MS and though ambulatory now, she would be needing a new chair soon.

                          Don't always assume the worst of people.
                          Anything worth doing, is worth doing to excess

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I encounter this so often it almost feels like it happens everyday. It's more like once a week. It's not about the question/s, it's about the assumption that it's okay to treat me like that. IMO disabled people are not seen as human like everyone else. Not human means disabled people wouldn't have the same feelings and it's okay to treat them differently than you would ever treat an able-bodied person. I always feel bad when I'm treated this way and it happens so much.

                            I've heard all the stupid questions and comments. I can't get equal treatment when I'm in public. It just doesn't happen. I can't even get the cashier at friggin' Trader Joe's to just let me pay and take my bag. They are over-soliticious and, usually walking around the counter to give me my bag. Of course my hands are full as I am still putting my wallet back in my under the seat bag, but they stand there, edging closer and closer waiting for me to take the bag with hands that are obviously busy. Sometimes they just start reaching for the zipper on the bag behind my chair to put things in there. I'd like to see them reach for some guys backpack and start to open it while he's wearing it or reach for a woman's purse/bag, open it and put something inside.

                            It can't change. It won't. From the guy at the gym who asked if I was training for the Special Olympics to older man who said it was great how I got around to the total strangers who have walked up to me without looking me in the face even and have just said, "What's wrong with you?" Are you friggin' serious?! Yep, that's the way it is.

                            Only group you can still discriminate against and nobody will get upset about it, IMO, are people with disabilities. Fuckin'g manager at Trader Joe's makes me want to scream when he looks at me everytime he sees me, with a "Hey buddy, how're doin?" expression and chipper tone. How am I doing? Well, I'd be better if you didn't have your employees park all the store scooters, trashcans and crates in the hashed off area beside the wheelchair van parking spot so that it can never be used by someone with a van.

                            Tell him? No point. I've told him other things and he just smiles, very friendly and totally worthless. Use a wheelchair and either become invisible or instantly considered a sexless angel hero. They win, they outnumber me.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Eileen View Post
                              I would much prefer people asking what you call "stupid questions" to being treated like furniture. Sure, sometimes people are awkward, but you have to realize that they are going out on their own limb in some attempt at conversation with you. They don't have to, but they are making a human connection and that is always a gift, no matter what the circumstances. Imagine, if you can, what it would be like to go through life treated as a non-entity, never having anyone make eye contact with you, smile at you, or try to engage in conversation. Instead of being angry and resentful maybe you could open up to the possibility that these people are trying to interact with you.
                              Hi Eileen,

                              I totally agree with you. What's up with this crowd of Scrooges?

                              Hey peeps, what's wrong with someone asking any of us questions about what happened to put us in these wheelchairs or merely looking at our chairs? I'm a bit embarrassed at times because my chair can be a bit dirty and dusty at times and I don't really like cleaning the thing but other than that these strangers are probably just curious or maybe even concerned about why I'm/we're in a chair at such an early age (I'm now 56 but I look 40!). Or for other reasons. Or maybe they're lonely people who find us more approachable than your average able-bodied Joe or Josephine rushing around with scowls on their faces.

                              I think lots of people haven't seen sportchairs with cambered wheels before so that may elicit their curiosity. And powerchairs aren't very common either.

                              I'll even bet some of you have red or other brightly painted chairs and now you're complaining when someone asks you about it? Come on. If someone asks you a simple question about yourself or your chair and you'd rather not be bothered explaining anything to them just be polite and give them a brief answer and move on. Lie to them if you want but don't be impolite or rude. They're only people trying to get by the best they can- just like us.

                              Of course I draw the line at having my chair or myself touched by strangers- unless it's intuitively understood by our social interaction that it's okay. But if you pat me on the head I will shoot you! :-)

                              I bet you'd be dying for someone to ask you a bit about yourself and/or your car if you were the owner of or driving a brightly painted red tricked-out Lamborghini!

                              Bob.
                              Last edited by bob clark; 25 Dec 2011, 6:29 PM. Reason: added some stuff
                              "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X