I don't think I can take it any more I don't want to take it any more!!!
As I sit here I'm eyeing a bottle of pain meds sitting on a shelf just out of my reach. Pain meds that do NOTHING to ease the searing burning pain that shots though my body 24/7/365..
On top of that I've been crapping my pants more & more lately does it ever end. I can't dress myself take a piss on my own or wipe my own ass!!
If something happens or doesn't feel right during the day I have to ask for help which makes feel like I'm being a burden.
If I want something to eat or drink I have to ask someone to fix it. I say please and thank you "something I don't have a problem with it's how I was raised" more in one week more than some people say their whole life..
My van which is 16 years old is starting to nickle & dime me to death..Can't afford another one and still pay rent put food on the table pay for a pca..Which I guess I'll now be paying for two of them since my aging mother told me she no longer wanted to be a pca for free or other wise..
Not sure how I'm going to afford it don't qualify for IHSS for various reasons. Not that it would matter our government is screwing over those of you who are qualified by not allotting enough hours.
But they can send both loads of money to other countries...(Sorry ranting)
Anyhow that's my bitch and it's only the tip of the iceberg. . Oh wait speaking of bitch I've also just recently found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me!! Six years of unconditional love and this is how I'm repaid. .
Needless to say I'm at the end of my rope and for the most part would prefer not to go on living most days. . Sadly if I wanted to follow through with that I couldn't with out assistance i.e all my medicines are out of reach.. How sad is that on both counts!!
Well in trying to leave on a positive note I hope everyone has merry Christmas and happy new year. .
As I sit here I'm eyeing a bottle of pain meds sitting on a shelf just out of my reach. Pain meds that do NOTHING to ease the searing burning pain that shots though my body 24/7/365..
On top of that I've been crapping my pants more & more lately does it ever end. I can't dress myself take a piss on my own or wipe my own ass!!
If something happens or doesn't feel right during the day I have to ask for help which makes feel like I'm being a burden.
If I want something to eat or drink I have to ask someone to fix it. I say please and thank you "something I don't have a problem with it's how I was raised" more in one week more than some people say their whole life..
My van which is 16 years old is starting to nickle & dime me to death..Can't afford another one and still pay rent put food on the table pay for a pca..Which I guess I'll now be paying for two of them since my aging mother told me she no longer wanted to be a pca for free or other wise..
Not sure how I'm going to afford it don't qualify for IHSS for various reasons. Not that it would matter our government is screwing over those of you who are qualified by not allotting enough hours.
But they can send both loads of money to other countries...(Sorry ranting)
Anyhow that's my bitch and it's only the tip of the iceberg. . Oh wait speaking of bitch I've also just recently found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me!! Six years of unconditional love and this is how I'm repaid. .
Needless to say I'm at the end of my rope and for the most part would prefer not to go on living most days. . Sadly if I wanted to follow through with that I couldn't with out assistance i.e all my medicines are out of reach.. How sad is that on both counts!!
Well in trying to leave on a positive note I hope everyone has merry Christmas and happy new year. .
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