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Feeling suicidal tonite

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    #16
    I'm so sorry you're feeling so lost. What medications are you on? Sometimes certain meds can amplify feelings of sorrow.
    You sound like you have a full life with many loved ones around you, try to stay focused on those good things.
    Perhaps some of the other physical sufferings...can be addressed by a good PT, or even better, a female mentor in a similar circumstance. Maybe a peer support group.
    Good luck, feel better
    "The sweet is not as sweet without the bitter"
    ~"Vanilla Sky"~

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      #17
      Thanks for all the posts...I agree that the suicide card is almost like a defense mechanism that there's a way out. Lynnifer: a marathon? me? No, I have been trying to get into an exercise program but no luck yet.
      I really have it easy compared to others: no atrophy whatsoever in my legs (which I attribute to the fact that I chose to never treat my spasms), pee and poop normally (quasi, but no catheters and never any accidents), lots of normal sensation in my legs, a job...But the pain and the claustrophobia are too much at times. I do have very significant pain, which is really exhausting. The pain is so bad at times that my heart rate shoots up and I have visions of tortures from the Medieval times: torn ligaments, hot iron, stabbing...
      This injury is a cruel joke. In the past, nobody would have survived it for long. Advances in medicine mean that we survive an injury that was designed to be lethal in nature. Thus, each and every one of us show incredible courage just by surviving it each day, as we humans were not designed to cope with it well.
      Thanks everybody and God bless

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        #18
        Hey Cripply, I'm so sorry you're having a rough patch. It happens to all of us from time to time. You know the hills and valleys of this condition. What is a bad day can turn into a very good tomorrow. It sounds like you have a lot to live for. Hang on.

        In the meantime, I'll tell you a funny story about shoes. I finally put all my stiletto heels in a box in the closet. I just couldn't bear looking at them anymore. I happened to share this with a very fashionable friend who told me that there are now wedge shoes with a platform toe so the body of the foot is almost flat in what looks like a wedge shoe. She showed me hers and I burst out laughing. I can wear trainers and ShapeUps. That's it. I'd kill myself on three-inch platforms! Ah yeah....that was funny. Only an SCI female would understand.

        Chin up and look for better days.

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          #19
          He-he. That's it! I ordered a pair of miu mius with killer heels, ridiculously expensive...Will glue them to the pedestals if need be. Will upload pics when they arrive.

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            #20
            I wear stiletto heels! Have you actually tried? Lower foot rest to accommodate It's boot season which is the best bc boots compress swelling
            "The sweet is not as sweet without the bitter"
            ~"Vanilla Sky"~

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              #21
              Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem!!! My father who was suffering from rheumatoid arthritis committed suicide couple years ago in the spring,many commented he was finally free of pain and being in his 80s lived a full life maybe he did but it was the start of his families pain he was my sons hero the guy who could fix anything and could always make them laugh his choice took away their grandfather during the summer it seemed my sons had recovered but that Oct my 23 yr old son took his own life i cannot tell you the pain i feel everyday from his permanent solution to a temporary problem so please talk to someone!!! PUSH until you get someone to help you with your pain!!! There are many who depend and love you counting on you to always be there for them...

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                #22
                The miu mius arrived...My feet look like a giant sausage in them. Wrong purchase! I am returning them.

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                  #23
                  Originally posted by fromnwmont View Post
                  Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem!!!
                  No, it isn't. Losing a child, being a burned victim, or sustaining a spinal cord injury are hardly temporary problems. Death is inevitable anyway; it's a permanent solution to being born.

                  I fucking detest people who encourage people to live to suffer. If someone wants to die, let that person have that. No one willingly came into life, therefore, there is no obligation on his part to suffer in it when dealt a mighty blow.

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                    #24
                    Well said, Todd!
                    Don - Grad Student Emeritus
                    T3 ASIA A 27 years post injury

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                      #25
                      Originally posted by Le Type Fran├žais View Post
                      No, it isn't. Losing a child, being a burned victim, or sustaining a spinal cord injury are hardly temporary problems. Death is inevitable anyway; it's a permanent solution to being born.

                      I fucking detest people who encourage people to live to suffer. If someone wants to die, let that person have that. No one willingly came into life, therefore, there is no obligation on his part to suffer in it when dealt a mighty blow.
                      I agree Todd. I feel if people are truly that fucked with life, then they should do whatever to end their suffering.
                      A dolla makes me holla, honey boo boo! - borrowed from Honey boo boo child

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                        #26
                        Just ask yourself...what could you be doing right now...that you are NOT doing? Exercises? Meditation? Studying something? Or working at a soup kitchen?

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                          #27
                          Originally posted by Cripply View Post
                          The miu mius arrived...My feet look like a giant sausage in them. Wrong purchase! I am returning them.
                          I thought you meant Muu Muu's. I couldn't understand why you were putting your feet in them.

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                            #28
                            Todd - a little harsh maybe to some (I appreciate blunt honesty), but well said.
                            Life, and how you live it, is a choice, every day.

                            Cripply - I hope you're feeling a little better, best of luck with everything that you're dealing with.


                            Onward & Upward,

                            Chris

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                              #29
                              Wow, I had mixed feelings about your entire situation. Suicide, hmmm. I never thought much about it when I was younger but since I turned 50 the thought has occasionally passed my mind. I see that you are 46 and you have been hurt like I have been for a while.

                              I always thought that suicide was a loser's game. A temporary solution to a permanent problem. No doubt being being in pain is a terrible thing and when you combine it with a spinal cord injury it becomes nearly unbearable. But, I don't know about you but I would feel damn stupid if I killed myself one day and just the next day, a chronic cure is discovered! As my close friend always says, "you are the luckiest unlucky person I know." Pretty shady outcome let's say.

                              Pain is terrible to endure. All the animals below human cannot tolerate it at all. They've done tests and experiments. All the ones on humans were from Nazi Germany. Most of that was suppressed by the US government and Israel but a few items were released specially the ones concerning warfare and wartime documentation.

                              I have long decided that a cure is coming. Science will catch up and greed will dominate. Greed always dominates in humans. Jesus, it is practically second nature. Right behind breathing and heart rate but before bowel function. LOL so the greed of the reward will drive the cure. Now, I'll say one more time in my tirade: we must be careful to force a chronic cure before the acute cure. They never cured polio: if you had polio, you were grandfathered (screwed). There is a lot of easy money in acute and therefore a lot of research goes in that direction. Chronic is a seemingly more difficult case, so not much money goes in that direction. Not much research either. Check it out yourself. It's something like five times acute versus chronic. You mark my words well: if an acute cure is found first, chronic injuries can kiss their ass goodbye.

                              In the end, I vote that you do not see this suicide business through. It is folly, I think, to let these people off the hook so easily by killing yourself. God gave us a brain and body. Can we use our brain to save our body is the question. There is so much money in paralysis, in the status quo, that it is hard to see any room for a cure of the chronic case. But a hundred years ago, Moon flight was simply a dream. A fantasy. A fantasy that, behind a government impetus, became a fact.

                              Do not let yourself, your pain and your paralysis, deny you what you know is true. Every day to some little thing to protest in your situation. Make a donation, help someone less fortunate, help an old-timer, etc. do anything. Make a protest, fight... fight for what is right and what you know to be true: a chronic cure is coming.

                              I hope you decide to hang tight. Just remember, some days the bear gets you and some days you get the bear. It's that way even when you are not paralyzed. Believe me, I remember.

                              futurewalker
                              Futurewalker

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                                #30
                                Thanks again everyone. There's so much wisdom in people here.
                                Truth is, I have been having some hellish weeks. Lots of SCI-related crap converged in just a few days: people parking along my ramp so I was delayed 2 hours for work; getting stuck in my inaccessible house (one night got stuck on a portable ramp andI just shook my body and the chair with fury until the ramp, my chair and I collapsed, with me ending sitting on the chair as planned), a sister from hell (for those who read the thread, she is baaaaack)...
                                Suddenly it seems as if all the effort is...for what?? It did not help that I asked my 2 adult children for help (I have never asked them for anything before) and they refused...And I know I have been a really decent mother.

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